Author Topic: Friend applying for the same position you are?  (Read 4345 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Alli8098

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 247
Friend applying for the same position you are?
« on: March 10, 2014, 05:21:07 PM »
Ok, I'm going to start off by saying this is just and etiquette question and in no way am I upset with the person or the story I'm about to relate.  I'm just curious about the etiquette involved in such a situation and what e-hell thinks.  Seriously, I'm not looking for or needing advice.

So I left my awfully bad job suddenly in November and then experienced some health issue culminating into gallbladder surgery at the end of January.  So now that I'm starting to feel better I've been job hunting again.  I have a close friend who is employed but has been searching for something with higher pay.  I honestly don't know what he's making now but I know he had to get his bachelors to get the position.

Anyway when I've mentioned to him any phone interviews, screenings, and that I now have an on-site interview set up this week he starts asking certain questions.  He asks the company name, position, pay, where I found the listing, and so on.  To me it sounds like he's thinking of applying for the position too.  Now this is an assumption since he hasn't stated he intends to do so, just a possibility due to the types of questions he's asking

So my question e-hellions what is the etiquette for something like this.  Is it polite for someone you know who's also job hunting to grill you about what you've applied for with the intent to apply as well?  Again, not complaining or looking for advice with my friend.  Just curious to know if something like that is against any kind of etiquette.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6144
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2014, 05:25:53 PM »
I don't think it's generally polite to grill someone about any topic, but I don't think there are etiquette problems with applying for the same jobs. Isn't that the entire concept behind LinkedIn (to share information about jobs)?

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30922
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2014, 05:27:49 PM »
I think it's bad form to directly ask the competing candidate for any of the information you'd use to find the job.

Some people ask those kinds of questions because they're building background info that will help them do their own search for their own job later.

Some ask for this kind of detail because they're just "information dense" people who want to know as much as possible before they give their friends "rah-rah, go, You!" support.

(Congrats on leaving that job, btw--and best of luck in the hunt.)

Arila

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 805
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2014, 05:29:02 PM »
I don't know, the questions don't necessarily lead me to believe that he's trying to get the job out from under you, just seem kind of like he's trying to make sure he's covering all of his bases if you're getting calls and interviews and he isn't...

I might liken it to a couple of fishermen comparing a stretch of stream, the bait/lure used and the size of the fish caught on any given day.

peaches

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 848
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2014, 05:35:14 PM »
Is it polite for someone you know who's also job hunting to grill you about what you've applied for with the intent to apply as well? 

No.

But it's fine to ask friends if they have any job leads for you. In that way, you are being upfront about your motives. And the friends can decide whether to offer information or not. 


« Last Edit: March 10, 2014, 05:37:42 PM by peaches »

LazyDaisy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1012
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2014, 05:35:45 PM »
I agree with Turtledove, I don't think it's polite to grill someone about anything, whether they intend to apply for the same job or not. You are well within your rights to only answer what you feel comfortable even if it's just a general, "I'm looking for work and I've applied to several places recently. Now, how about that sports team!"

That said, I don't think there is anything wrong with a friend applying for the same position. It's a part of life that sometimes we (generally) have to compete for limited resources (jobs, housing, products and services for sale, etc.) No one has any more right to compete than anyone else.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." Douglas Adams

PastryGoddess

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4891
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2014, 05:37:09 PM »
When you start to feel uncomfortable, you may just want to say "Why do you ask?"  This give you some time to formulate an answer and maybe he'll be honest about why he's asking so many questions.

Also just because he asks a question doesn't mean you have to answer.  I wouldn't answer any questions about pay at all.  Rather than give specific answers to questions about the position or company you can be vague.  Say that it's a marketing, or admin, or whatever type job.  Give the field that the company is in rather than the actual name of the company. 

tinkytinky

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 443
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2014, 05:49:17 PM »
I don't know. If acompany is hiring in several positions, he might want to throw his hat into the ring. But if there is only one position open and he applies, knowing that you are interested/have interviewed/etc., that borders on rude.

I had this happen to me once. I was trying to go to a full time job from a part time job due to needing to pay off some medical bills. I asked a lady I'd known a for a long time if she minded if I put her as a personal reference. She asked where I was applying, so (knowing that she had been at her job for years and loved it) I told her. I was called for an interview, then a second interview. When I came out of the second interview, she was in the lobby waiting. After some small talk and her giving me a thin excuse of why she was there, I left. I got the job, but after I started, my coworkers told me they were suprised to see me when they had been introduced to the other lady and were told she was going to be the new employee.......I really don't talk with this lady anymore.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1288
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2014, 06:25:38 PM »
tinkytinky, I'd be very angry if someone who agreed to be a reference for me applied for the same position behind my back.  You know they're not going to give you a great recommendation. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

katycoo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3816
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2014, 08:21:28 PM »
I think I would just stop telling this person about upcoming interviews.

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17799
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2014, 03:49:29 AM »
I don't think there is anything rude about applying for the same job that you know someone else is applying for, whether you got the info from that person or from the internet or a search firm. if the job is out there, then anyone can apply for it. If you(in general, job seekers) don't want to mess up your chances of getting a job, then don't talk about it with anyone. it is certainly not rude to say "Oh i don't want to jinx it so i'm not going to say anything", or "sorry, there is a confidentially issue, can't give out more information", or whatever suits your situation.

I don't think "grilling you" is ever polite (unless you're a police officer investigating a crime), but if your friend was asking questions and you were giving info that you didn't want to give - that's really on you. when you are out there job hunting - you need to be careful about what information you give out to people, especially at a time when jobs are hard to come by.

Tinky - your situation is a bit different, because you had to tell her what company /posiiton you were applying for if you wanted to use her as a reference.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12429
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #11 on: March 11, 2014, 10:20:22 AM »
"Why do you ask? Are you looking for a new job?  Tell me what you are looking for and if I see anything that would match I will let you know."

Alli8098

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 247
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #12 on: March 11, 2014, 12:21:48 PM »
To be clear as I stated in the original post, I'm not upset or anything or looking for advice.  If I didn't want to share the info with him I wouldn't.  I was just curious what if any etiquette issues there are between friends and applying for jobs.

SamiHami

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3282
  • No! Iz mai catnip! You no can haz! YOU NO CAN HAZ!
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #13 on: March 11, 2014, 12:39:37 PM »
I do think it's rude. It's one thing if he happens to coincidentally apply for the same job you are going for, but it's entirely different situation if he's trying to get the info out of you directly. While you don't have "dibs" on a given position, he can do his own legwork and find positions to apply for on his own. How awkward it would be to interview for a job that you think you'd be perfect for, only to have "friend" get it instead after grilling you for info.


What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

Alli8098

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 247
Re: Friend applying for the same position you are?
« Reply #14 on: March 11, 2014, 06:20:49 PM »
I was talking to friend today and he did apply for at least one job that I applied for.  I know because he told me he was rejected for even an interview.  I'm still waiting to see if I get an interview or not.  I honestly don't care if he applies or not, I personally think with his bachelors he may be overqualified for what I've been applying for.  It's just funny to know that my inkling was correct.  ;)