Author Topic: everyone at work is invited, except for me - but I'm expected to give a gift....  (Read 12086 times)

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whatsanenigma

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I'm in agreement that another coworker may have wanted the OP to be excluded for some reason.  Who could possibly think it is ok to invite the entire company, but exclude one person? 

Something smells really bad here.
This sums up why I have not said much of anything to coworkers/GCW.  I wondered if there was some offensive thing about me that made it a problem to invite me.  Maybe it is best to wait until after the party to ask/discuss it & really that is my preference - as there would be no way that I'd go now anyways.

I HIGHLY doubt there is something offensive about you.  You seem like a very thoughtful person.  I was thinking more along the lines of someone is jealous of or threatened by you. 

I don't disagree with some of the posters above who suggest it could merely have been coworkers being clueless.  But I have seen situations were someone has been excluded from a group activity because one person in the group disliked or was jealous of them.

I highly doubt there is anything offensive either.  Especially given how thoughtful the OP seems.  I think some people don't like quiet, thoughtful people who just want to do their job, though, and they just like to stir up trouble for someone like that.

It could be clueless co-workers, but it just seems so weird to me that every other co-worker is invited to this, really big, party.  The usual reasons really don't cover it for me.  And I'm really struggling to think about in what context it was appropriate to have a conversation and decide that OP, and only OP, should be excluded.  That's kind of going out of the way to maybe not attack, but at least snub, OP.

People can be much more immature and childish than we think, sometimes.

monkey_brain

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I have a question - in your original post, you said "Boss and a co-worker (not the graduate) explained to me that I wouldn't be invited."

When you say later "I was told that they felt so badly about discussing the party in front of me, and repeated that GCW had really wanted to invite me but had been told not to," are "they" the Boss and same co-worker, or are other co-workers also talking to you about the situation?

In other words, how many co-workers are telling you what GCW is supposedly saying?

whatsanenigma

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I have a question - in your original post, you said "Boss and a co-worker (not the graduate) explained to me that I wouldn't be invited."

When you say later "I was told that they felt so badly about discussing the party in front of me, and repeated that GCW had really wanted to invite me but had been told not to," are "they" the Boss and same co-worker, or are other co-workers also talking to you about the situation?

In other words, how many co-workers are telling you what GCW is supposedly saying?

Are you suggesting that maybe it really is GCW at the center of this?  Maybe she didn't invite OP for some stupid reason and the boss and co-workers are trying to cover for her?

Hmmm.  I hadn't thought of that angle.  I still think my original interpretation is more likely, but I could see how you might be right also.

TootsNYC

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I thought she was implying that only a -couple- of coworkers were at the center of this.

whatsanenigma

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I thought she was implying that only a -couple- of coworkers were at the center of this.

That could be the case also...though even "a couple" are too many, I think.

Runningstar

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I have a question - in your original post, you said "Boss and a co-worker (not the graduate) explained to me that I wouldn't be invited."

When you say later "I was told that they felt so badly about discussing the party in front of me, and repeated that GCW had really wanted to invite me but had been told not to," are "they" the Boss and same co-worker, or are other co-workers also talking to you about the situation?

In other words, how many co-workers are telling you what GCW is supposedly saying?
Everybody is involved, Boss and other co-workers explained that I wasn't invited,  GCW felt uncomfortable discussing the party in front of me, and then there is me.  It is a small workforce of 5.
  GCW hasn't said a word about it to me, nor I to her (I'm not sure what I could say without it sounding like a plea for an invite).  I'm choosing to believe that the first thought of why I wasn't invited (she could only invite a certain number) is what happened, but that they all realize that it is hurtful to exclude me, and are now hoping that I'll confirm that I hate parties - which I'm not going to do.  I really think that they either truly believe this, or at least are hoping that it is true or I'll say that it is to spare GCW's feelings.  I hate to admit this, but if this was 30 years ago I'd have let them all off the "hook" and would have just agreed with them so that nobody else felt uncomfortable - yikes!! 

TootsNYC

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  GCW hasn't said a word about it to me, nor I to her (I'm not sure what I could say without it sounding like a plea for an invite).

If anything, you could say, "They've sort of put you in a tough spot, haven't they? Congrats on graduating, though."

Quote
I'm choosing to believe that the first thought of why I wasn't invited (she could only invite a certain number) is what happened, but that they all realize that it is hurtful to exclude me, and are now hoping that I'll confirm that I hate parties - which I'm not going to do.  I really think that they either truly believe this, or at least are hoping that it is true or I'll say that it is to spare GCW's feelings.  I hate to admit this, but if this was 30 years ago I'd have let them all off the "hook" and would have just agreed with them so that nobody else felt uncomfortable - yikes!!

If you find yourself thinking you have to say something, make statements of fact: "Yes, it's an awkward situation." Then press your lips together, or say, "excuse me, I'm going to..." and go to the far corner of the bakery.


Runningstar

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  GCW hasn't said a word about it to me, nor I to her (I'm not sure what I could say without it sounding like a plea for an invite).

If anything, you could say, "They've sort of put you in a tough spot, haven't they? Congrats on graduating, though."

Quote
I'm choosing to believe that the first thought of why I wasn't invited (she could only invite a certain number) is what happened, but that they all realize that it is hurtful to exclude me, and are now hoping that I'll confirm that I hate parties - which I'm not going to do.  I really think that they either truly believe this, or at least are hoping that it is true or I'll say that it is to spare GCW's feelings.  I hate to admit this, but if this was 30 years ago I'd have let them all off the "hook" and would have just agreed with them so that nobody else felt uncomfortable - yikes!!

If you find yourself thinking you have to say something, make statements of fact: "Yes, it's an awkward situation." Then press your lips together, or say, "excuse me, I'm going to..." and go to the far corner of the bakery.
Thanks Toots, I can see myself saying that.  I feel prepared to just agree that it is awkward.  Maybe for my lunch I'll take in some bean dip also??  :)

TootsNYC

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Nah, you know what?

Let THEM bring the bean dip.

you just say stuff like, "Yes, it's awkward, isn't it."

and then zip it up  ;), and let THEM figure out how to change the subject.

Say it very neutrally, conversationally, but just leave the awkwardness lying out there, for them to stew over.

Otterpop

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Nah, you know what?

Let THEM bring the bean dip.

you just say stuff like, "Yes, it's awkward, isn't it."

and then zip it up  ;), and let THEM figure out how to change the subject.

Say it very neutrally, conversationally, but just leave the awkwardness lying out there, for them to stew over.

Awesome advice TootsNYC ;)!

LifeOnPluto

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I have a question - in your original post, you said "Boss and a co-worker (not the graduate) explained to me that I wouldn't be invited."

When you say later "I was told that they felt so badly about discussing the party in front of me, and repeated that GCW had really wanted to invite me but had been told not to," are "they" the Boss and same co-worker, or are other co-workers also talking to you about the situation?

In other words, how many co-workers are telling you what GCW is supposedly saying?
Everybody is involved, Boss and other co-workers explained that I wasn't invited,  GCW felt uncomfortable discussing the party in front of me, and then there is me.  It is a small workforce of 5.
  GCW hasn't said a word about it to me, nor I to her (I'm not sure what I could say without it sounding like a plea for an invite).  I'm choosing to believe that the first thought of why I wasn't invited (she could only invite a certain number) is what happened, but that they all realize that it is hurtful to exclude me, and are now hoping that I'll confirm that I hate parties - which I'm not going to do.  I really think that they either truly believe this, or at least are hoping that it is true or I'll say that it is to spare GCW's feelings.  I hate to admit this, but if this was 30 years ago I'd have let them all off the "hook" and would have just agreed with them so that nobody else felt uncomfortable - yikes!!

With a party of 250 people, you'd think GCW could fit one more in, but I digress.

If your boss and co-workers are truly trying to "protect you" from GCW's exclusionary behaviour, they're going about it in an extremely ham-fisted way. I mean, why chat about this party in front of you, if they want to "protect" you so badly?

I still think you should come out and tell them that you DO like parties, and you WOULD have attended this one if invited. Tell them that they must not presume to answer on your behalf again.

I also agree with Toots that you shouldn't pretend it's ok (and not awkward) if they raise the issue. 

sammycat

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With a party of 250 people, you'd think GCW could fit one more in, but I digress.

If your boss and co-workers are truly trying to "protect you" from GCW's exclusionary behaviour, they're going about it in an extremely ham-fisted way. I mean, why chat about this party in front of you, if they want to "protect" you so badly?

I still think you should come out and tell them that you DO like parties, and you WOULD have attended this one if invited. Tell them that they must not presume to answer on your behalf again.

I also agree with Toots that you shouldn't pretend it's ok (and not awkward) if they raise the issue.

I agree.