Author Topic: everyone at work is invited, except for me - but I'm expected to give a gift....  (Read 11354 times)

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AngelicGamer

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Adding to the watch your back bandwagon but adding something - start looking for a new job.  If they're starting with something like a party, then it might go into actual work with the OP being blamed.




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.

Lula

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Holy cannoli.   :o

If you're worried about being perceived as fishing for an invitation, perhaps you could wait until after the graduation has already taken place to have The Confrontation with your coworkers?  They may have botched this one beyond repair, but at least you can lay down some "new rules" going forward--nobody gets to RSVP for you (to an invitation you never receive, no less!), and nobody gets to discuss a party from which you have been excluded in your presence.

Edit: Whoops, forgot to delete quotes.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2014, 02:58:31 PM by Lula »

CreteGirl

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I'm in agreement that another coworker may have wanted the OP to be excluded for some reason.  Who could possibly think it is ok to invite the entire company, but exclude one person? 

Something smells really bad here.

 

Valentines Mommy

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Please put in a request for time off during the party if you can. I can see the powers that be scheduling you to work the party. Heck, other posters mentioned it up thread.

Jones

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Has the grad said anything to you OP, or is it possible one of your coworkers stole or accidentally destroyed the invite and got the others to cover with the story that you weren't invited (but should give a gift, so the grad will never know)?

YummyMummy66

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Is it just me or does it seem we have gotten way off base on this scenario?

At this point, from all of the OP's posts, I do not get anything malicious behind her boss and co-workers, just plain cluelessness.  They are under the assumption that the op does not like going to events like this. 

The op admits that she does not see graduate all that often, so I can see graduate asking co-workers, especially if a young graduate, (is this high school or college?), if she should invite op or not.

Boss and co-workers sound clueless.  No, she probably would not attend, but I am sure she would give a gift.   Not that it matters, but what is the dynamic of these co-workers?  Male or female?

OP, I still think you should approach grad yourself.  You are not fishing for an invite.  It was stated to you that graduate did ask if they should invite you.  It sounds like graduate was going to invite you and I don't think you were meant to be excluded.  Tell graduate there seems to be some miscommuncation.

Maybe don't even approach gradaute, but next time she is around or your co-workers start talking about graduation party, this is where you need to step in and state your mind, calmly.  Your opening was when graduate said that they should not be talking about this in front of you.  "You know, I would have gladly attended said party if I had been invited. As it so happens, I now have plans that day.  (because at this time, no matter what, I don't think I would be attending).  Co-workers, it is not up to you to make decisions for me.  Next time, please let me decide for myself on what invitations I will or will not accept".

I am saying this because it sounds as if you are hurt by being the only one not invited and from what I am gathering from your posts, it was not the graduates attempt to do this. 

esposita

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Is it just me or does it seem we have gotten way off base on this scenario?

At this point, from all of the OP's posts, I do not get anything malicious behind her boss and co-workers, just plain cluelessness.  They are under the assumption that the op does not like going to events like this. 

The op admits that she does not see graduate all that often, so I can see graduate asking co-workers, especially if a young graduate, (is this high school or college?), if she should invite op or not.

Boss and co-workers sound clueless.  No, she probably would not attend, but I am sure she would give a gift.   Not that it matters, but what is the dynamic of these co-workers?  Male or female?

OP, I still think you should approach grad yourself.  You are not fishing for an invite.  It was stated to you that graduate did ask if they should invite you.  It sounds like graduate was going to invite you and I don't think you were meant to be excluded.  Tell graduate there seems to be some miscommuncation.

Maybe don't even approach gradaute, but next time she is around or your co-workers start talking about graduation party, this is where you need to step in and state your mind, calmly.  Your opening was when graduate said that they should not be talking about this in front of you.  "You know, I would have gladly attended said party if I had been invited. As it so happens, I now have plans that day.  (because at this time, no matter what, I don't think I would be attending).  Co-workers, it is not up to you to make decisions for me.  Next time, please let me decide for myself on what invitations I will or will not accept".

I am saying this because it sounds as if you are hurt by being the only one not invited and from what I am gathering from your posts, it was not the graduates attempt to do this.

POD I very much agree, especially so with the bolded things.

Runningstar

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Has the grad said anything to you OP, or is it possible one of your coworkers stole or accidentally destroyed the invite and got the others to cover with the story that you weren't invited (but should give a gift, so the grad will never know)?

No, she was mailing out the invitations the next day or so, and although I wasn't there I'm guessing that she was collecting addresses.

Runningstar

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Is it just me or does it seem we have gotten way off base on this scenario?

At this point, from all of the OP's posts, I do not get anything malicious behind her boss and co-workers, just plain cluelessness.  They are under the assumption that the op does not like going to events like this. 

The op admits that she does not see graduate all that often, so I can see graduate asking co-workers, especially if a young graduate, (is this high school or college?), if she should invite op or not.

Boss and co-workers sound clueless.  No, she probably would not attend, but I am sure she would give a gift.   Not that it matters, but what is the dynamic of these co-workers?  Male or female?

OP, I still think you should approach grad yourself.  You are not fishing for an invite.  It was stated to you that graduate did ask if they should invite you.  It sounds like graduate was going to invite you and I don't think you were meant to be excluded.  Tell graduate there seems to be some miscommuncation.

Maybe don't even approach gradaute, but next time she is around or your co-workers start talking about graduation party, this is where you need to step in and state your mind, calmly.  Your opening was when graduate said that they should not be talking about this in front of you.  "You know, I would have gladly attended said party if I had been invited. As it so happens, I now have plans that day.  (because at this time, no matter what, I don't think I would be attending).  Co-workers, it is not up to you to make decisions for me.  Next time, please let me decide for myself on what invitations I will or will not accept".

I am saying this because it sounds as if you are hurt by being the only one not invited and from what I am gathering from your posts, it was not the graduates attempt to do this.

This is a college graduation, but a bit older than the early/mid twenties (grad is late twenties).  You are right, I am a little hurt.  I didn't speak up because I thought that they might be trying to save my feelings - as in - GCW doesn't have room to invite you and since you are not close we said that you wouldn't care.  And I was caught off guard - and didn't know what to say as it all came so quickly and at a busy time!  I'm not sure what to do, but won't work w/GCW until next week.  I think that clueless is most likely what they are being, as they are very nice to work with usually. 

Runningstar

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I'm in agreement that another coworker may have wanted the OP to be excluded for some reason.  Who could possibly think it is ok to invite the entire company, but exclude one person? 

Something smells really bad here.
This sums up why I have not said much of anything to coworkers/GCW.  I wondered if there was some offensive thing about me that made it a problem to invite me.  Maybe it is best to wait until after the party to ask/discuss it & really that is my preference - as there would be no way that I'd go now anyways.

TurtleDove

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I agree that this is at worst cluelessness and at best an honest (though apparently misguided) attempt to cater to the OP, who the graduate was told would not want to come to the party.  Ever attribute to malice that which can be attributed to cluelessness. Especially since these coworkers are otherwise good to work with I would take a very gentle and nonaccusatory approach. So e of the posts seem to catastrophize this into some vast evil conspiracy against the OP - I don't see that at all. But if there were some vast conspiracy I would take a look inward, if I were the OP, to determine why "no one likes me." Because it would be strange for a group of adults to gang up on someone for no reason.

Again, I don't think the OP is disliked or being ganged up on at all here.

whatsanenigma

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I agree that this is at worst cluelessness and at best an honest (though apparently misguided) attempt to cater to the OP, who the graduate was told would not want to come to the party.  Ever attribute to malice that which can be attributed to cluelessness. Especially since these coworkers are otherwise good to work with I would take a very gentle and nonaccusatory approach. So e of the posts seem to catastrophize this into some vast evil conspiracy against the OP - I don't see that at all. But if there were some vast conspiracy I would take a look inward, if I were the OP, to determine why "no one likes me." Because it would be strange for a group of adults to gang up on someone for no reason.

Again, I don't think the OP is disliked or being ganged up on at all here.

Fiction needs to make sense. Reality is under no such obligation.

TurtleDove

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I agree that this is at worst cluelessness and at best an honest (though apparently misguided) attempt to cater to the OP, who the graduate was told would not want to come to the party.  Ever attribute to malice that which can be attributed to cluelessness. Especially since these coworkers are otherwise good to work with I would take a very gentle and nonaccusatory approach. So e of the posts seem to catastrophize this into some vast evil conspiracy against the OP - I don't see that at all. But if there were some vast conspiracy I would take a look inward, if I were the OP, to determine why "no one likes me." Because it would be strange for a group of adults to gang up on someone for no reason.

Again, I don't think the OP is disliked or being ganged up on at all here.

Fiction needs to make sense. Reality is under no such obligation.

Well, sure, but most adults I know don't have the time to devote to randomly selecting one person to gang up on for no reason.  And if the OP's workplace consists of people who would do this, I wouldn't want to work there.

Again, I don't think the OP is actually being ganged up on - I think this is a misunderstanding.  But if a person does feel they are being ganged up on, I think it makes sense to examine why that might be.  If there is a "reason," perhaps I can improve myself.  If it is simply that I am amazing but that I am working with toxic people, then it is up to me to find different employment.

TootsNYC

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Has the grad said anything to you OP, or is it possible one of your coworkers stole or accidentally destroyed the invite and got the others to cover with the story that you weren't invited (but should give a gift, so the grad will never know)?

No, she was mailing out the invitations the next day or so, and although I wasn't there I'm guessing that she was collecting addresses.

She may not even have asked -if- she should invite you; she may have said, "does anyone have Runningstar's address?" and they said, "Oh, you don't need to invite her, she won't come," and she thought, "OK, wouldn't want to make her feel she needs to send a gift, then."
    Heck, they may have been convincing enough that she felt vaguely hurt, as if -you had- actually rejected her invitation.


But I wouldn't assume that someone hates you, and I'm not sure I'd bring that up anyway.
  I'm figuring they're just Bossy Boots, who like to be in charge of everything.

CreteGirl

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I'm in agreement that another coworker may have wanted the OP to be excluded for some reason.  Who could possibly think it is ok to invite the entire company, but exclude one person? 

Something smells really bad here.
This sums up why I have not said much of anything to coworkers/GCW.  I wondered if there was some offensive thing about me that made it a problem to invite me.  Maybe it is best to wait until after the party to ask/discuss it & really that is my preference - as there would be no way that I'd go now anyways.

I HIGHLY doubt there is something offensive about you.  You seem like a very thoughtful person.  I was thinking more along the lines of someone is jealous of or threatened by you. 

I don't disagree with some of the posters above who suggest it could merely have been coworkers being clueless.  But I have seen situations were someone has been excluded from a group activity because one person in the group disliked or was jealous of them.