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Author Topic: Roommate Hell.....  (Read 64054 times)

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Mustard

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #135 on: August 28, 2015, 11:20:01 AM »
Please could someone put me out of my misery and explain who, or what, the RA is?

TootsNYC

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #136 on: August 28, 2015, 11:21:52 AM »
Please could someone put me out of my misery and explain who, or what, the RA is?

Resident Assistant--the upperclassman who lives on the floor and acts as "dorm mom" or official housing representative.
   They have administrative duties and emotional/counselor duties.

LazyDaisy

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #137 on: August 28, 2015, 11:31:45 AM »
...or Resident Advisor. In my experience, they don't necessarily need to be upperclassmen but they are employees of the university who live on the floor and act as supervisor and counselor to the other residents. In my situation, the RA wasn't a student, but her husband was, and they and their daughter lived in the building full-time. They were the ones to call if there were maintenance issues, locked out, roommate disputes, move in/move out inspections, in case of injury or sickness requiring an emergency contact, we were even supposed to let them know if we would be gone over night.
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rose red

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #138 on: August 28, 2015, 11:38:48 AM »
I don't get why the RA didn't say something, even if the suitemate felt she couldn't.

That was wrong, I think, for the RA to just go along unlocking the bathroom door without saying anything to the OP, and then to remove the lock completely.

Yeah, I don't understand why nobody said "Hey, you keep forgetting to unlock the bathroom door and it's making out lives difficult." Yes, the OP is at fault for always forgetting, but for goodness sake, speak up! Put a sign on the door. Something.

Mustard

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #139 on: August 28, 2015, 12:55:26 PM »
Thank you Toots and Daisy!

AfleetAlex

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #140 on: August 28, 2015, 01:50:41 PM »
We also had suites in college with the bathroom between two rooms, and one of my suitemates used to drag a futon mattress or similar into the bathroom and lock us all out so she and her boyfriend (or whoever she was cheating on her boyfriend with) could play Scrabble. Sometimes they'd just leave the mattress there. One weekend I had my parents up and had to hide the mattress in case they asked why it was on the bathroom floor.  ::)

She was truly an unhappy person and she wanted to share it with the rest of us. I would have handled her differently now - and much more firmly! - than I did then.
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FauxFoodist

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #141 on: August 28, 2015, 01:56:56 PM »
On the shared bathroom situation I don't know why the poster doesn't feel responsible for the situation.  Can you imagine every time you went to the washroom it being locked?  I mean how didn't the poster get that her door was unlocked but forget to unlock the other, it is really is rude to make the mistake over and over again.

I had this same thought when I saw the post but opted not to respond at the time.  Good to see I'm not the only one.  Yes, the BF who shouldn't have been there walked in on her, but the poster created the situation by being so inconsiderate towards her roommate for *months*.  While I could see stating the roommate should've spoken up, we've seen how hard it is for people to have the spine to stand up for themselves so I'm thinking it was easier/non-confrontational to ask the RA to unlock the door...over and over and over again.  I'd fault the RA for not addressing it, not the roommate for the option she took.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #142 on: August 28, 2015, 02:50:40 PM »
My college dorm suite was set up like that, with a door that could be locked from the inside.  However, it could be unlocked from the outside, it was just a hassle.  You could insert a nail file or butter knife, and with a little jiggling, the lock would turn.  However, it was very noisy, so little chance of someone walking in on you because you would have had lots of warning.
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Cali.in.UK

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #143 on: August 28, 2015, 03:16:32 PM »
When I transferred from community college to a four year I moved in with the few girls that I knew who were also attending the same university. We were all friends and it seemed great but their friend from high school, Gary, would also be living with us. I didn't know Gary but I wasn't really in a situation to argue because I didn't have any housing options. Well, Gary ended up being a huge jerk from about week three until we moved out.

I think he was a really unhappy person and everyone else in the house had mutual friends with him so I was really the only person he could be nasty to with no repercussions. And unfortunately my friends are totally afraid of confrontation. But during our first confrontation, after he yelled at me when I had a friend visiting, which was so unexpected and uncomfortable, I tried to talk to him one-on-one to work it out after my friend left (In my opinion, we were going to be living together for 12 months so it would be better to figure out any issues and work them out for a harmonious living environment, right?).

The one-on-one went poorly and he said a slough of things, but the thing I remember most was when he was going on and on about everything he would not change/alter about his behaviour, even though he was living with others, I said "well, we are five people in this house and we all will have to make compromises when living with this many people" (it was about him wanting to watch tv alone in the living room and everyone else staying in their rooms to not bother him even though he had a giant tv in his own private room), and he got really stern and said, "I will never compromise for anyone, ever." Ummm okay... So that set the stage for how he acted until we moved out. My then-bf and I lovingly referred to him as "the ogre" (not to his face).

kherbert05

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #144 on: August 28, 2015, 03:46:51 PM »
I don't get why the RA didn't say something, even if the suitemate felt she couldn't.

That was wrong, I think, for the RA to just go along unlocking the bathroom door without saying anything to the OP, and then to remove the lock completely.

Yeah, I don't understand why nobody said "Hey, you keep forgetting to unlock the bathroom door and it's making out lives difficult." Yes, the OP is at fault for always forgetting, but for goodness sake, speak up! Put a sign on the door. Something.
I agree the RA should have said something. That is part of their job. My freshman RA hated me - because a complaint from my parents and a warning from me that I was going to charge her and my suitemate with theft meant she was informed she would not be hired the next year.

One of my suitemates attempted to harm herself. I was unaware of this and our rooms were searched to figure out what she had used. I had an epi kit - These had a syringe not an autoinjector. She had tried to inject the epi into a vain. They also found several months (Jan - March Spring Break) supply of various allergy meds. (I have different levels of meds for different types of reactions, we used an independent pharmacy so I couldn't just go to the chain in University town for refills. We also didn't know how I would react to the cedar in the area). The RA kept telling people I was an addict.

She contacted my parents and suggested that I was going to harm myself. Note this was a University Junior studying Literature no way qualified to make that type of assessment. No-one else in our suite or the girl's friends had their parents called like this. My cousin down in Austin was called by my parents - rushed up to the campus to find out if I was OK. Other than nearly punching this same person in the face because she grabbed me from behind in a hug after being told I don't like being touched I was hot headed but fine. Cousin took me to dinner and to stay the weekend at their house so I could cool off. Monday, both my parents and I filed a complaint about the call. One of the other RA's, Beth, who had known me since I was in kinder with her little sister also filed a complaint and reported the rumors this woman was spreading. Beth told them that my behavior and attitude were normal for me and that grabbing me was a really bad idea because of years of self defense training and the pain it caused because of my skin conditions would cause me to defend myself.

Things cooled down for a month. Then my stuff kept disappearing, and I would find it in remaining suitemate's possession. She would gaslight me saying I had left it in the common area so she borrowed it. I caught her and the RA in my room removing my radio. I got a lecture about "stealing" suitemate's radio. I pointed out it was mine - it had my Name and DL# engraved on it. I was then told I had to be "christian" and give suitemate my stuff because she was suffering because of actions of other suitemate. (They hated each other). I bypassed the head of woman's dorms and Dean of students and went to the campus police and filed a complaint. (In part because when all the fuss about my allergy meds happened the chief told the whole lot they were idiots, and I had done nothing wrong). They were given a warning that if anything else was borrowed from my room they would be arrested and expelled. It stopped. I was hated by the RA and her Sorority - but they were scared of making me angry because I would take proper action so I didn't give a flip.
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AngelicGamer

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #145 on: August 28, 2015, 04:15:56 PM »
On the roommate locking thing, I really think it was on the roommate or the RA to speak to the OP.  Heck, when there was a problem with my freshman roommate (who eventually moved out), we had a meeting with the RA.  So for there to be action without a meeting is mind blowing to me.  Yes, I would be as mad as the OP because nobody talked to me.  Nobody gave me a chance to change my actions.  They would just assume that I would continue to be an idiot and lock my roommate out.  That would make me so mad.  I'd rather have a chance to change vs assuming I won't.

My roommate moved out because she couldn't live without being with her boyfriend 24/7.  Also, I didn't liked being locked out of my room where I couldn't put my expensive violin away safely vs lugging it to the dining halls.  Or being locked out so they could have private time at 10 pm when I wanted to sleep.  Yes, I had my own problems of wanting to do homework during nighttime hours, but I easily moved to the study area for that as soon as it was brought up during the meeting with the RA.  I suspect she was told to move instead of them moving me because they were her issues and it was a handicapped room.  I was and am the one with the handicap.  :)  Last I heard that year, she was up on the co-ed floor of the same dorm where she could room with her boyfriend.  They disbanded that floor the next year - too many issues with rooming / having to move / other issues.



drzim

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #146 on: August 28, 2015, 08:20:55 PM »
On the shared bathroom situation I don't know why the poster doesn't feel responsible for the situation.  Can you imagine every time you went to the washroom it being locked?  I mean how didn't the poster get that her door was unlocked but forget to unlock the other, it is really is rude to make the mistake over and over again.

I had this same thought when I saw the post but opted not to respond at the time.  Good to see I'm not the only one.  Yes, the BF who shouldn't have been there walked in on her, but the poster created the situation by being so inconsiderate towards her roommate for *months*.  While I could see stating the roommate should've spoken up, we've seen how hard it is for people to have the spine to stand up for themselves so I'm thinking it was easier/non-confrontational to ask the RA to unlock the door...over and over and over again.  I'd fault the RA for not addressing it, not the roommate for the option she took.

It did occur to me that maybe the main reason the OP kept locking the door in the first place was that she was forced to share a bathroom with a male who was basically a stranger to her.  I shared a similar suite when I was in college and I can't remember ever bothering to lock our bathroom door.
So I think the roommate did bring it on herself in a way but I agree that the RA should have handled it better.

Slartibartfast

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #147 on: August 28, 2015, 11:53:49 PM »
My dorm mostly had "suites" with gender-segregated bathrooms (two sinks/showers/toilets each), but DH's room for two years was in the "secret suite." This was a set of three single rooms in a hard-to-find hallway with a lockable door (needed a room key for any room in the dorm) to even get in, and had two single-occupancy bathrooms with the kind of lock you just turn when you're inside (like you'd have at home).  The university kept one of the rooms furnished and used it as an emergency hideaway spot in cases where someone's roommate/boyfriend/etc. situation required them to have an immediate safe place to stay. Senior year, the university stopped using the secret suite as emergency housing and allowed three guys from our dorm (including DH) to have the three rooms.

Someone in their administrative wisdom decided that since the suite was now "all male," they needed to change the locks on the bathroom doors to the same gender-coded locks we had in the rest of the building - you needed a key to a male student's room (any room in the building) to get in.  Except they were still single-occupancy bathrooms, which means now instead of being able to go inside and lock the door and do your thing, any guy in the dorm could walk in on you and there was no way to know from the outside whether the bathroom was occupied or not  ::)  I was, err, spending a lot of time in now-DH's room at the time  :P so I had to go all the way upstairs to pee. DH and the other two guys tried to do occupied/unoccupied signs on the doors, but maintenance kept taking them down  >:(

jedikaiti

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #148 on: August 29, 2015, 12:12:23 AM »
On the shared bathroom situation I don't know why the poster doesn't feel responsible for the situation.  Can you imagine every time you went to the washroom it being locked?  I mean how didn't the poster get that her door was unlocked but forget to unlock the other, it is really is rude to make the mistake over and over again.

I had this same thought when I saw the post but opted not to respond at the time.  Good to see I'm not the only one.  Yes, the BF who shouldn't have been there walked in on her, but the poster created the situation by being so inconsiderate towards her roommate for *months*.  While I could see stating the roommate should've spoken up, we've seen how hard it is for people to have the spine to stand up for themselves so I'm thinking it was easier/non-confrontational to ask the RA to unlock the door...over and over and over again.  I'd fault the RA for not addressing it, not the roommate for the option she took.

It did occur to me that maybe the main reason the OP kept locking the door in the first place was that she was forced to share a bathroom with a male who was basically a stranger to her.  I shared a similar suite when I was in college and I can't remember ever bothering to lock our bathroom door.
So I think the roommate did bring it on herself in a way but I agree that the RA should have handled it better.

The dorms I lived in simply had the toilet in a stall, with a door like you'd find in a public bathroom. You could lock the door to the shared toilet/shower from inside your room, so nobody could come in from the bathroom, but not from inside the bathroom. The shower had 2 curtains - one between the shower and the changing area, and one between that and the hallway. Everyone got their privacy, nobody got locked out of the bathroom. Worked pretty well.
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MommyPenguin

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Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #149 on: August 29, 2015, 06:55:13 AM »
My first dorm, we had a shared bathroom with the neighboring dorm room.  It had the typical system where it has a door going into each room.  You lock both when you go in, then you unlock both when you go out.  You could also lock the bathroom door from the room side when you weren't using it, so that people from the neighboring room couldn't come into your room.  Well, my roommate was very creeped out by this somehow.  She kept hearing somebody in the bathroom in the middle of the night and assuming they were evil attackers determined to sneak into our room and attack us, or... something.  Once I got up to go to the bathroom during the night, and when I went to leave the bathroom, I couldn't... she'd locked me in!  I knocked, and she eventually opened the door--holding a softball bat.  I reminded her that people use the bathroom during the night sometimes.  <eye roll>

She was also very, very homesick.  She spent 6-8 hours on the phone every single day, talking to her parents or her best friend from  home.  I think she and her best friend were actually lovers.  One time she was being super secretive on the computer, glancing back at me every ten seconds to see if I could read her screen, etc.  She was *so* secretive about it that it drew my attention to what she was doing and I read a few words without intending to.   I thought it pretty funny that her attempts to be secretive were actually what gave away her secret.  (Her screen was positioned in a way that it was very easy for me to read and hard to avoid doing so if I glanced her way--which I wouldn't normally have had any reason to do, except that her odd behavior made me look at her to see what was going on.)

She and my other roommate (we were in a triple that semester) also really loved to watch the kind of talk shows in which people don't know who the father of their child is and need to have it revealed on television.
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