Author Topic: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"  (Read 11131 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #75 on: March 21, 2014, 08:41:56 PM »

Not rude to ask for a separate check before ordering - not so nice to ask after all order have been put In and meal searved.

I think it's perfectly fine to ask for a separate check at ANY time.

To whom are you being "not so nice" if you ask for a separate check after the meal has been served?

MrTango

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #76 on: March 21, 2014, 10:06:27 PM »

Not rude to ask for a separate check before ordering - not so nice to ask after all order have been put In and meal searved.

I think it's perfectly fine to ask for a separate check at ANY time.

To whom are you being "not so nice" if you ask for a separate check after the meal has been served?

If you know in advance that you're going to want a separate check, it's much more considerate to ask for that before ordering.  That way, the server knows all along and can put your items on a separate "seat" or whatever right away when they enter the order into their computer.  That's a lot easier than trying to remember at the end of the meal who ordered what.

TootsNYC

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #77 on: March 21, 2014, 10:34:20 PM »
So, more considerate to the server.

But neutral to the other people you're dining with.

andi

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #78 on: March 21, 2014, 10:45:45 PM »
So, more considerate to the server.

But neutral to the other people you're dining with.

POD.  In my experience, it's easier for the waitstaff to  make /turn in separate orders than it is to divide the check once everything is done.   And it does make less of a "scene" to have this done at the beginning of a meal than try to figure it all out after.

kherbert05

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #79 on: March 22, 2014, 10:33:16 AM »
Most of the sit down restaurants I've gone to in the last few years ask "is this all on one check" anytime there is more than one adult. That to me says it is becoming part of the norm and easier for the servers. The only people that objected to me asking for my own check were
1. Sis - because she thought she "owed" me a meal and wanted to pay.
2. Friend of a friend who made it very clear I was "mean" and "tight" because I refused to split the meal "evenly" - translation I wouldn't pay my share and at least 1/2 again BEFORE tax and tip to cover his and his wife's appetizers (not for the table for him and his wife) and their way over the top consumption of alcohol.  He made it clear he thought the bill should be divided by number of households not people. At the end of the meal our server followed us out because she thought several of us had left our change by mistake - we confirmed the friend of a friend had not tipped and told her to keep it to cover his shorting her. While this was going on another of the party was getting the keys from the two drunks so they couldn't drive home. The person who invited them was told by all of us that we never wanted to be seen in public wit these two.)
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Tia2

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #80 on: March 22, 2014, 12:06:21 PM »
I think sometimes the 'oh, lets split the bill' types who don't consume more than the average amount  like to be seen as generous.  Unfortunately it is generosity with other people's money.

I once used to work with someone like that.  She always wanted to split equally despite the fact that a senior person at the table always had a bill that was 2 to 3 times higher than everyone else (premium alcohol, starter, expensive main and dessert etc.).  Luckily, the senior person knew how unfair this was and always spoke up.

In the end to keep her happy, he'd say, 'I'm paying X on top' and then we'd divide the rest.  These days, I think I'd keep to insisting on paying for what I ate.  As it was, it was only a pound or two extra and it wasn't worth the hassle.

Dindrane

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #81 on: March 22, 2014, 04:10:56 PM »
This is timely since I just got back from a group trip. Every time we ate out, one woman always claimed to be short on cash and she'd throw in a little bit the next time.

I don't get this. If she knows she doesn't have a lot of money on her, why would she order beyond her means?

This reminds me of a time years ago when I went to a work function at a restaurant. One of the employees proceeded to eat a meal, then, when the bill came, said she had no money on her and the rest of us ended up chipping in. Why would you go out if you don't even have the money to dine?

To be completely fair, this could legitimately be a situation that comes up accidentally. If someone doesn't or can't use a credit card for some reason, and thinks they have say two $20s, a couple of $5s, and some $1s discovers that they in fact have only one $20, they could pretty easily come up just a little short on cash and need to rely on friends to chip in a bit more to cover it.

The difference is, if that's a legitimate oversight and not a ploy, it doesn't happen at every meal. In fact, it probably only happens once in a blue moon, because for the person who didn't mean to do that, it's highly embarrassing. So they'd make extra triple sure they had enough cash the next few times they went out with the same group, they'd be highly apologetic, they'd definitely make up for the little bit anyone else chipped in voluntarily, and they might even go a bit beyond what's necessary to make up for it in thanks for their friends getting them out of a bind.

But I could see someone, occasionally, coming up short on their cash if they thought they had more in their wallet than was actually there.


melicious

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #82 on: March 22, 2014, 04:40:11 PM »
This is timely since I just got back from a group trip. Every time we ate out, one woman always claimed to be short on cash and she'd throw in a little bit the next time.

I don't get this. If she knows she doesn't have a lot of money on her, why would she order beyond her means?

This reminds me of a time years ago when I went to a work function at a restaurant. One of the employees proceeded to eat a meal, then, when the bill came, said she had no money on her and the rest of us ended up chipping in. Why would you go out if you don't even have the money to dine?

To be completely fair, this could legitimately be a situation that comes up accidentally. If someone doesn't or can't use a credit card for some reason, and thinks they have say two $20s, a couple of $5s, and some $1s discovers that they in fact have only one $20, they could pretty easily come up just a little short on cash and need to rely on friends to chip in a bit more to cover it.

The difference is, if that's a legitimate oversight and not a ploy, it doesn't happen at every meal. In fact, it probably only happens once in a blue moon, because for the person who didn't mean to do that, it's highly embarrassing. So they'd make extra triple sure they had enough cash the next few times they went out with the same group, they'd be highly apologetic, they'd definitely make up for the little bit anyone else chipped in voluntarily, and they might even go a bit beyond what's necessary to make up for it in thanks for their friends getting them out of a bind.

But I could see someone, occasionally, coming up short on their cash if they thought they had more in their wallet than was actually there.

In this case, the girl had absolutely not a dime on her. It was pretty much "I ordered food, ate it, oops, I have no money; li'l help?"

Outdoor Girl

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #83 on: March 22, 2014, 05:15:08 PM »
If she made a habit of this little trick, personally, I'd leave her to wash dishes to pay for her meal.  Do they still do that?  Or did they ever do that?  Or is it just a TV/movie thing?

Regardless, she wouldn't pull that particular scam on me more than once.
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melicious

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #84 on: March 22, 2014, 05:24:14 PM »
If she made a habit of this little trick, personally, I'd leave her to wash dishes to pay for her meal.  Do they still do that?  Or did they ever do that?  Or is it just a TV/movie thing?

Regardless, she wouldn't pull that particular scam on me more than once.

Ha ha - I've never heard of anyone having to wash dishes beyond TV and movies, either.

We never went out with her again, because she was fired shortly after. She was definitely a shady behaviour, so she definitely intended to eat for free.

Dindrane

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #85 on: March 22, 2014, 05:35:26 PM »
This is timely since I just got back from a group trip. Every time we ate out, one woman always claimed to be short on cash and she'd throw in a little bit the next time.

I don't get this. If she knows she doesn't have a lot of money on her, why would she order beyond her means?

This reminds me of a time years ago when I went to a work function at a restaurant. One of the employees proceeded to eat a meal, then, when the bill came, said she had no money on her and the rest of us ended up chipping in. Why would you go out if you don't even have the money to dine?

To be completely fair, this could legitimately be a situation that comes up accidentally. If someone doesn't or can't use a credit card for some reason, and thinks they have say two $20s, a couple of $5s, and some $1s discovers that they in fact have only one $20, they could pretty easily come up just a little short on cash and need to rely on friends to chip in a bit more to cover it.

The difference is, if that's a legitimate oversight and not a ploy, it doesn't happen at every meal. In fact, it probably only happens once in a blue moon, because for the person who didn't mean to do that, it's highly embarrassing. So they'd make extra triple sure they had enough cash the next few times they went out with the same group, they'd be highly apologetic, they'd definitely make up for the little bit anyone else chipped in voluntarily, and they might even go a bit beyond what's necessary to make up for it in thanks for their friends getting them out of a bind.

But I could see someone, occasionally, coming up short on their cash if they thought they had more in their wallet than was actually there.

In this case, the girl had absolutely not a dime on her. It was pretty much "I ordered food, ate it, oops, I have no money; li'l help?"

Oops, I should have probably been more clear. I was referring to the story that mbbored posted, about not having quite enough. I agree that if you have no money on you at all, then you shouldn't be eating in a restaurant. Someone being legitimately surprised by having no cash at all (and also not having a credit or debit card available) would be a considerably rarer occurrence than just having less than you thought you had.

My point was that, if it's a total one-off for someone to not have enough cash to pay a restaurant bill, and there's a legitimate reason why credit or debit cards are not an option, it's possible that it wasn't an intentional thing. It's just that the more often it happens, the less plausible it becomes that it's not a deliberate attempt to take advantage.


gramma dishes

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #86 on: March 22, 2014, 07:38:06 PM »


This reminds me of a time years ago when I went to a work function at a restaurant. One of the employees proceeded to eat a meal, then, when the bill came, said she had no money on her and the rest of us ended up chipping in. Why would you go out if you don't even have the money to dine?

Is there any possibility at all that since it was a work function she may have believed the company would be picking up the tab?


melicious

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #87 on: March 22, 2014, 07:55:43 PM »


This reminds me of a time years ago when I went to a work function at a restaurant. One of the employees proceeded to eat a meal, then, when the bill came, said she had no money on her and the rest of us ended up chipping in. Why would you go out if you don't even have the money to dine?

Is there any possibility at all that since it was a work function she may have believed the company would be picking up the tab?

Nope. It was clear that we had to pay for our own. Perhaps i shouldn't have called it a work function. The store employees were just gathering because one of the employees had quit so we went to dinner as a send off. Attendance was voluntary and definitely was not sanctioned by the company; it was just something we did when employees were leaving the store, but when we did, we always covered our own meal. Because she was fairly new too, it was even less necessary to attend because she didn't know us - and thus, the departing employee - that well.

HoneyBee42

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #88 on: March 23, 2014, 09:29:07 AM »
If she made a habit of this little trick, personally, I'd leave her to wash dishes to pay for her meal.  Do they still do that?  Or did they ever do that?  Or is it just a TV/movie thing?

Regardless, she wouldn't pull that particular scam on me more than once.

Ha ha - I've never heard of anyone having to wash dishes beyond TV and movies, either.

We never went out with her again, because she was fired shortly after. She was definitely a shady behaviour, so she definitely intended to eat for free.
I'm pretty sure that it hasn't happened in modern times (employment laws and probably also employment safety rules about non-employees in employee areas), but I *have* seen an episode of "Cops" in which a man was arrested after having dined in a restaurant without either sufficient cash for his bill (he might've had something like $5-7 and ordered something in the $40-45 range) or any form of credit card.  Might not happen when it's one person in a group, unless the group has asked for separate checks for everyone.  But I have definitely experienced the being asked about separate checks when out with other adults, and I have also noticed that at Steak n Shake, the bill splits it out by person, apparently automatically (since I am there with my children and it's quite obviously one check), including the tax that goes with each.

rose red

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Re: How to politely say "I'll pay for my own"
« Reply #89 on: March 23, 2014, 09:39:37 AM »
I love that about Steak N Shake and when I saw that for the first time years ago, I thought they just had a jump start on what was coming to all restaurants.  Alas, no.