Visitation rudeness

[Outdoor Girl]

Offer to *sell* him the scaffolding at a fair market value - mark it up a little for the sake of how rude this guy is! - if it's not something you're going to use.  The idea of having to pay for it will probably get rid of him entirely, and if it doesn't, you'll have profited a little from the sale of the scaffolding.

This was my thought as well.  I also agree with the others that you should make sure the shed(s) and garage have good quality locks on them.  And a male friend or two, preferably large ones who look very scary, on speed dial.

I cannot believe the callousness of this person.  What a bacon-fed knave!

(((MayHug)))

[TootsNYC]

MayHug, please have someone (not you!) call this idiot and say "You'll have to rent some scaffolding. MayHug won't be going through the garage anytime soon, and she won't be loaning any of DH's items when she does. Please don't ask again." Give them permission to get ugly if he argues rather than slinks off in shame like he ought to.

People come out of the woodwork in times like this. Have someone who can run interference for you. Heck I'll do it if you want to PM me his number!!

I'm w/ JenJay. Right down to the offer to make the call myself.

Just delegate it to someone who says, "is there anything I can do?"

Say, "Yes, would you call this guy and tell him that I won't be loaning out the scaffolding, and he'll have to get it somewhere else, and to please not bother me about it again?"

[Nikko-chan]

MayHug, please have someone (not you!) call this idiot and say "You'll have to rent some scaffolding. MayHug won't be going through the garage anytime soon, and she won't be loaning any of DH's items when she does. Please don't ask again." Give them permission to get ugly if he argues rather than slinks off in shame like he ought to.

People come out of the woodwork in times like this. Have someone who can run interference for you. Heck I'll do it if you want to PM me his number!!

I third this idea and offer, MayHug. And really it doesn't have to be a male caller. Let's just say that SunshineSister can be very very mean sounding when she needs to be and leave it at that.
I'm w/ JenJay. Right down to the offer to make the call myself.

Just delegate it to someone who says, "is there anything I can do?"

Say, "Yes, would you call this guy and tell him that I won't be loaning out the scaffolding, and he'll have to get it somewhere else, and to please not bother me about it again?"

[jayhawk]

Especially if it's rude coworker's (and DH's) boss who asks if there is anything he can do.

[CakeEater]

Wow, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that now.

My SIL lost her husband quite young of a heart attack last year, and not long after, received a phone call from an old friend of her husband's that consisted of him giving her a rundown on everyone he knew who had died unexpectedly. Apparently it went on for half an hour. They had never met.

What are these people thinking?

[gramma dishes]

Especially if it's rude coworker's (and DH's) boss who asks if there is anything he can do.

That might be quite effective!

What a total jerk!! 

[poundcake]

The Cut Direct exists for people like this. Don't even think about contacting him again! You have far more important things to worry about right now. And if he has the stones to approach you, either in person or on the phone, about this or any other "favor," an icy reminder that, "Jerk, I just lost my husband! Your favors are not a priority. Go away" is perfectly merited. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

[cicero]

I am so sorry, both for your loss and for havign to deal with jerks like this. I'd love to be able to say "i can't believe someone could be so insensitive and callous", but unfortunately - i can't say that. It seems that funerals bring out the worst in some people. Either they simply are jerks, or they don't know how to act and are so afriad of saying the wrong thing that they say something stupid. Either way - you are the one who ends up feeling hurt.

(I think i've told this story here before: When my mother died - my sibs and i were in our early-late 20s, my mother was 53, and i was 8+ months pregnant with the first grandchild. talk about an emotional time. During Shiva, a woman came over to us and was saying " i am so sad, i lost my best friend blah blah". seriously. this is *our* *mother*.  you are supposed to comfort *us* for our loss, not play "my loss is bigger than yours". [especially since you *weren't* our mother's best friend, but whatever]).

[crella]

I am so sorry for your loss, and totally flabbergasted at this man's behavior. You're not required to loan him anything, please just forget about the issue for now, or have someone else take care of it for you, as others have suggested.

[kategillian]

Hugs to you. That behaviour is unbelievable. I would say ignore all contact from this insensitive jack***, and if he does manage to track you down, go with poundcakes suggestion.

[Daquiri40]

Complete silence is the only response to that nonsense.

[Minmom3]

And a raised eyebrow, if you can do that.  And then you turn your back on them.

Words do not pierce the hides of people like that.

[wonderfullyanonymous]

With someone so callus, I can only imagine him saying, once it is lent, "Oh, well since your DH won't need it, is it okay if I keep it.

Better to not lend it or sell it to him for market value.

[whatsanenigma]

With no disrespect to the OP or her very sad situation, is anybody else reminded now of "Ballad of Forty Dollars" by Tom. T. Hall?  At least the narrator of that song seems to know it would be inappropriate to pursue the matter.

As for the guy in the OP, I agree with everyone else, don't let him have it, unless you want to sell it to him at market value or, if you think your husband would have approved, just make a gift of it.  In any case, I wouldn't let the relationship linger and would let it fade out, whatever relationship there might be.

[sammycat]

The Cut Direct exists for people like this. Don't even think about contacting him again! You have far more important things to worry about right now. And if he has the stones to approach you, either in person or on the phone, about this or any other "favor," an icy reminder that, "Jerk, I just lost my husband! Your favors are not a priority. Go away" is perfectly merited. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

This gets my vote.