Author Topic: Stealing someone's thunder on FB  (Read 5749 times)

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Kaymar

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #45 on: March 24, 2014, 12:49:06 PM »
True.  Actually, based on the descriptions here (admittedly somewhat minimal), Michelle sounds like someone whose posts I would have hidden a long time ago.  Problem solved!

auntmeegs

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #46 on: March 24, 2014, 12:50:56 PM »
An the end of the day, it is the fact of the engagement and not who broke the news first that matters. I doubt the vast majority of the engaged couple's Facebook friends even noticed let alone cared that Michelle posted about it first. If anything, they likely thought, "how awesome everyone is I excited about the engagement!"

This, exactly.  Iím always sort of rolling my eyes when I see people getting upset about these things.   

Well, true.  But I think posting news that has nothing to do with you from the perspective of a baby is equally worthy of eye-rolling.

Yeah, good point. 

PastryGoddess

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #47 on: March 24, 2014, 03:06:09 PM »
An the end of the day, it is the fact of the engagement and not who broke the news first that matters. I doubt the vast majority of the engaged couple's Facebook friends even noticed let alone cared that Michelle posted about it first. If anything, they likely thought, "how awesome everyone is I excited about the engagement!"

This, exactly.  Iím always sort of rolling my eyes when I see people getting upset about these things.   

People have the right to their feelings even if you (general) don't agree with them.  I don't think it's so strange to want to share personal milestones yourself rather than someone else do it for you. It's SS to assume that everyone needs to share your feelings, but not so SS to vent to a trusted person that you wish BoundaryTrampler hadn't done what they did. 

siamesecat2965

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #48 on: March 27, 2014, 12:19:24 PM »

To me, it's a matter of common sense and good manners to let the HC make their announcement first. It's what Michelle expected for herself when she's had her own significant life events. I know people will have different opinions about whether this is an etiquette violation, and it's good to hear them.

yes. This is how I see it. Unless you're specifically told, its not your news to share until those involved do, or give the go-ahead to do so. Plain and simple.  I think its thoughtless and at the same time, a bit selfish. I have a friend who loves to take photos, and will post from events, like showers, weddings and so on, before those involved do. While its none of my beeswax, I always can't help but think maybe she should have waited.

and in her case, she is one of my best friends, and one of the nicest people I know, so in her case its really just cluelessness and not thinking since she doens't care if others do it for her events.

Alli8098

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #49 on: March 27, 2014, 12:59:07 PM »

To me, it's a matter of common sense and good manners to let the HC make their announcement first. It's what Michelle expected for herself when she's had her own significant life events. I know people will have different opinions about whether this is an etiquette violation, and it's good to hear them.

yes. This is how I see it. Unless you're specifically told, its not your news to share until those involved do, or give the go-ahead to do so. Plain and simple.  I think its thoughtless and at the same time, a bit selfish. I have a friend who loves to take photos, and will post from events, like showers, weddings and so on, before those involved do. While its none of my beeswax, I always can't help but think maybe she should have waited.

and in her case, she is one of my best friends, and one of the nicest people I know, so in her case its really just cluelessness and not thinking since she doens't care if others do it for her events.

When my best friend from childhood found out she was pregnant with her DS she waited a while to announce it on Facebook.  I knew about it, was so excited for her, and wanted to share it with all our friends.  However, it was her news and not mine.  So I kept quiet and gave my congratulations on Facebook when she and her DH decided to announce it later.  In fact it was almost like a fun little secret between us that she was expecting.  I felt honored that even when we were thousands of miles apart (she was in Germany at the time, her husband is in the military) she felt like she could share such wonderful news with me before the rest of the world.

I agree that some people are just clueless, and sometimes it's hard to keep great news away from the clueless when you know they are going to tell everyone before you can.

drzim

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #50 on: March 29, 2014, 01:37:46 PM »
I do think Michelle was rude to post the information, especially so soon after hearing it herself. I don't think it fundamentally has anything to do with Facebook or posting it from the POV of her daughter, though--like I said, there have always been gossips and people who spilled other people's news, they can just do it faster to a wider audience now, and in cutesy multimedia ways. ::)

I get that Jeff and Allie were just super-excited and not thinking "communication strategy," but it sounds like Michelle has a history of doing this sort of thing. She was rude but not surprising, in other words. In the future I think the best response is to just dry up the info supply, both to Michelle and to anyone who would tell her. A well-meaning person might accidentally jump the gun or get their wires crossed once, and you could say to them, "Just so you know, I was disappointed you did that, because I was looking forward to telling people myself," and they would be like, "Crud monkeys, I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking!" and they'd never do it again. But someone who does it repeatedly--while not connecting it to the idea of wanting to control their own information--I just don't see the point of saying anything to them. I just don't think they'd get it.

Story: At a staff meeting once, it was announced that a co-worker, Jenny, was pregnant. She was probably at least four months along, as we had already begun to suspect. After the meeting, I emailed some former co-workers who I thought would be interested in the news, who I thought wouldn't find out any other way. At least one of them emailed Jenny with congrats, and she got mad at me--she had been planning to tell that particular person herself, as they had remained in contact. I see now that since it was her news, I shouldn't have taken it upon myself to spread it, no matter what (or at least asked her first). But, I had reasoned that since she was announcing it at the staff meeting, she now considered it "public knowledge," and had already told anyone she wanted to tell personally. Obviously this wasn't the case, which didn't make sense to me; but what I learned was that it making sense to me isn't the point, I should have checked with her first.

I think that you were okay on this one.  Announcing  a pregnancy/engagement at a staff meeting is a very public announcement and it is reasonable to assume that everyone with a close relationship to the announcer has already be informed.   

fountainof

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #51 on: April 01, 2014, 03:03:04 PM »
I kind of feel that once I am told something it is public information so while I generally wouldn't do something like a FB post as I don't use FB, I would maybe say out with friends did you hear about so and so's engagement.  I figure you first tell the people you need to tell and then the rest hear it through the grapevine.  That is the benefit of the grapevine you don't need to announce things.  If you need to announce things then you need to do it before you tell people (except maybe your parents).

In this case, I would just continue on with the announcement.  Some may know, but many may not.  If this DIL is as annoying as she seems maybe people blocked her anyway and haven't seen the picture.

ETA: This topic is sort of interesting to me because when I grew up we were taught you shouldn't ever brag about yourself, so to this day I still think big announcements are show-offy and you should be more self-deprecating and assume no one cares about your news so you announce it more graciously and quietly.
« Last Edit: April 01, 2014, 03:13:03 PM by fountainof »

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #52 on: April 06, 2014, 02:42:05 AM »
To answer the question in the OP, I think Michelle was really inconsiderate, to say the least. I'd be really annoyed, if I was Jeff or Allie.