Author Topic: Stealing someone's thunder on FB  (Read 5992 times)

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Venus193

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2014, 03:51:40 PM »
People like Michelle are the reason I use Facebook the way I do.   It's actually worse than when all gossip was verbal and you told people not to repeat things to others until XYZ.  And when people like her don't get a verbal smackdown the rest of us become hostages to their behavior.

I think it's time we found a way out of the rule about correcting other people's behavior.

Please pass the Calgon

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #16 on: March 22, 2014, 05:29:38 PM »
If EvilCalgon was part of the happy couple, the only way Michelle & Rob got any future exciting info from us would be when we posted it to Facebook.

If they can't be discreet about what they know and allow Jeff & Allie to post their own announcement, then they get informed with the "general public".

shhh its me

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #17 on: March 22, 2014, 05:32:01 PM »
People like Michelle are the reason I use Facebook the way I do.   It's actually worse than when all gossip was verbal and you told people not to repeat things to others until XYZ.  And when people like her don't get a verbal smackdown the rest of us become hostages to their behavior.

I think it's time we found a way out of the rule about correcting other people's behavior.

There's always been a way around it , we can talk about our feelings and how behavior effects us.

Unless someone asks for advice or help I think OP should stay out of it.  Posting from the perspective of the baby is squee and some people will find that annoying but its not rude.  I do think its thoughtless to spread others people news the moment you hear it but its not universal how bothered by it people are or how soon is too soon.

kherbert05

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #18 on: March 22, 2014, 07:58:53 PM »
The OP has made it clear she doesn't plan to do anything about it, she was wondering if we thought it was rude.

OP I do think it was rude. In my extended family it would mean people wouldn't trust her with important news. Her household would be told things AFTER the public announcement not before. (This wouldn't be a mass conspiracy against them, just how most of my relatives would react)

 
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Lynn2000

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #19 on: March 22, 2014, 08:32:10 PM »
If I saw Michelle's post on Facebook, I would think that Jeff and Allie had given her the go-ahead to post about it.

If I then saw Jeff and Allie's own big post a few days later, I might think, "Hmm, I wonder if Michelle jumped the gun."

So I think posting their own announcement would be win-win for Jeff and Allie. In fact, I would suggest they make their own announcement super-nice, with details and photos (as they feel comfortable with)--reduce Michelle to the opening act, and have their own moment.

And after that, I would make sure I didn't tell Michelle any news of importance, until I was ready to have it posted on Facebook, or had already done so myself. Since Neanderthal days there have been people who couldn't keep their mouth shut about news; if that irritates people, they learn to tell the secret-spillers (and anyone who might spill to them) last.
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sammycat

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #20 on: March 22, 2014, 08:51:12 PM »
What do you think?

I think Michelle was wrong and rude. As this seems to be a pattern of behaviour with her, I'd relegate her to finding out important information at the same time as everyone else from now on (via Facebook if that's the normal mode of news sharing in your family).

If I was Jeff or Allie I'd still go ahead and make my own announcement on Facebook.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #21 on: March 22, 2014, 09:28:08 PM »
And posting frequent pictures and updates about her child - well, that's what Facebook is all about.

It isn't an update about the child, though, when it's just using the child as a parrot for the adult's thoughts. It's on par with me posting a pic of my cat and captioning it "Fluffy is excited her uncle is engaged"

TurtleDove

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #22 on: March 22, 2014, 10:09:12 PM »
And posting frequent pictures and updates about her child - well, that's what Facebook is all about.

It isn't an update about the child, though, when it's just using the child as a parrot for the adult's thoughts. It's on par with me posting a pic of my cat and captioning it "Fluffy is excited her uncle is engaged"

Well, and so what? Some people enjoy posting in this way, and based on likes and comments, tons of people enjoy this type of post. If you don't, scroll on by, or hide the feed, or defriend and block. But it isn't rude.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #23 on: March 22, 2014, 11:00:59 PM »
Quote
But it isn't rude.

It's certainly rude when "baby" announces someone else's good news before it's public knowledge. I'm thinking Michelle wouldn't find it cool if the shoe was on the other foot and somebody posted (random example) "Michelle is expecting baby #2!" on FB before she had a chance to announce it
« Last Edit: March 22, 2014, 11:05:22 PM by TeamBhakta »

TootsNYC

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #24 on: March 22, 2014, 11:03:59 PM »
Jeff and Allie should go ahead and post the announcement they want. Nothing is stopping them and surely they have other friends not in common with Michelle?

I hope they will. It was sad to watch them puzzle through whether it was worth it.

You can certainly, in the future, tell them, "Of course you should--just pretend she doesn't exist. That's the healthiest way to deal with this sort of thing. Blithe ignorance. Blissful ignorance."

Peppergirl

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #25 on: March 23, 2014, 03:12:44 AM »
I think the OP has stated, more than once, that she's not looking to butt in or interfere - she was simply asking for opinions.

That said, I think Michelle is obviously one of those annoying people on FB (that we all seem to know) who is utterly incapable of posting anything not related to her child.  She seems attention-seeking, and seems to have grabbed onto another opportunity to make this about her child, which seems typical behavior from her from what you've said.

Annoying and kinda pathetic, but not rude. 
« Last Edit: March 23, 2014, 03:14:50 AM by Peppergirl »

Coley

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #26 on: March 23, 2014, 06:10:30 AM »
Quote
But it isn't rude.

It's certainly rude when "baby" announces someone else's good news before it's public knowledge. I'm thinking Michelle wouldn't find it cool if the shoe was on the other foot and somebody posted (random example) "Michelle is expecting baby #2!" on FB before she had a chance to announce it

Funny you would mention this. When Michelle and Rob told close family about their pregnancy with Caitlin, we were sworn to secrecy. They wanted to wait on a public announcement until they were ready, but they wanted their parents and siblings to know right away. DH and I respected that and kept our lips zipped. We didn't speak of the pregnancy to anyone until Rob and Michelle announced it.

Given that, I cannot imagine Michelle's thought process about announcing someone else's engagement. If she could see that it wasn't anyone else's place to announce their pregnancy, couldn't she extrapolate that it wasn't her place to announce Jeff and Allie's engagement? At a minimum, I would think she might ask Jeff and Allie if it was okay with them to post an announcement before doing so.

Coley

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2014, 06:33:30 AM »
If EvilCalgon was part of the happy couple, the only way Michelle & Rob got any future exciting info from us would be when we posted it to Facebook.

If they can't be discreet about what they know and allow Jeff & Allie to post their own announcement, then they get informed with the "general public".

I wish we could control the information flow that way. Unfortunately, there are other people involved who also have loose lips -- namely, Naomi, who is Rob and Jeff's mom (DH's ex). Even if Jeff and Allie just told the parents about their engagement and asked us to keep mum, it is unlikely that Naomi would keep it to herself. Most likely, she would tell Jeff's siblings and others in her family before Jeff and Allie did.

Ironically, Rob and Michelle were unhappy with Naomi because she couldn't keep mum about their pregnancy with Caitlin. And yet, there was Michelle, announcing Jeff and Allie's engagement.

From Jeff and Allie's perspective, they could deal with this problem in the future by not telling anyone (even close family) about their big news until they're ready to share it publicly. Although some of us are respectful enough not to blab when it isn't our story to tell, we may all get lumped in together with those who can't keep quiet.

Venus193

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #28 on: March 23, 2014, 07:29:20 AM »
Sometimes that is the only way to keep a lid on such information.  Unfortunately, since Facebook wasn't introduced to the world with an etiquette book about it, this is necessary.

And I know plenty of people who will argue that this wouldn't be adequate protection against oversharing of information that is someone else's privilege to convey.

TootsNYC

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Re: Stealing someone's thunder on FB
« Reply #29 on: March 23, 2014, 09:12:35 AM »

From Jeff and Allie's perspective, they could deal with this problem in the future by not telling anyone (even close family) about their big news until they're ready to share it publicly. Although some of us are respectful enough not to blab when it isn't our story to tell, we may all get lumped in together with those who can't keep quiet.

True--but they may also figure out that it's OK to tell you and DH, bcs -you- kept your discretion, but not his mom or Michelle & husband (brother).

If they ask for guidance about that, you can certainly assure them that not only will you keep the news a secret, but you also won't tell people that you were told early; they can trust you with that as well.

You said earlier it would "be hard to watch that play out." Maybe--but it would also be very appropriate.