General Etiquette > Techno-quette

s/o stealing someone's thunder on FB...

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My little brother's fiancee just delivered their son at 34 weeks.  He's doing amazingly well, despite being so early, but her mother is a drama queen.  Aside from causing the poor girl so much stress that she ended up with a c-section ( I came to support my brother and her mom was bawling because she "couldn't bear to see my baby in so much pain"), she's been posting everything on Facebook the second it happens.  She was posting overly dramatic posts (oh the pain, the pain) all day, and then my poor mother found out about the baby's birth from her Facebook page at work, before my brother could even call her.  Bro barely uses FB, and STBSIL doesn't even have it.  Then the mother starts posting pictures of the little guy with wires and tubes hooked everywhere without asking permission.  THEN today I see a very unflattering picture of Bro holding the baby for the first time, he's mid-blink and looks bizarre, and her mom's got it up with editorial everywhere.  Ugh. 

Brother had asked me for advice on how to shut this all down yesterday.  I suggested talking very nicely to her about respecting their privacy at such a stressful time in their lives.  He sent me a copy of the text he sent. 

"When he doesn't have a bunch of cords and tubes hanging out of him to help him breathe, and I can get a good picture of us I will post it.  These are private times.  I call and send pictures to the people I love and care about.  I do not post private moments of my life for the world to see on the internet.  I know you'll understand.  Thank you."

I didn't get a chance to proof it before he sent it but I was proud!  I thought it was very well thought out, especially since bro is a pretty straightforward, my way or the highway, kind of person.

Well she did NOT take it well.  I was browsing facebook earlier and noticed I didn't see any of her earlier posts in my feed.  I texted bro and said "Your text must have worked - no pics."  Yeah, no pics, because she started bawling (again.) and deleted her entire profile. 

I thought he did well!  Was what he said so rude?


--- Quote from: checkitnice on March 23, 2014, 03:08:15 PM ---
I didn't get a chance to proof it before he sent it but I was proud!  I thought it was very well thought out, especially since bro is a pretty straightforward, my way or the highway, kind of person.

--- End quote ---

His text to her reflects that.  I'm not sure if what I quoted above means that you think what he wrote *doesn't* sound straightforward, but I think it does. 

He could have softened it a bit (many people would have) but he didn't need to.  He was in the right and accompished what he wanted.

(Not that he wanted her to delete her account, but if that's what she feels she has to do to restrain her posting impulses, oh well.)

The mother was the rude one to post such private pics without permission, and I'm not one that typically thinks permission is needed, but these are delicate circumstances.  I don't see any rudeness at all on your brother's part and I think he did a good job softening the point by saying he's SHARING these moments / pics with people he loves (her), not the world.  The only thing that would have been better is for the fiancÚ to send it instead, since it is her mother, but she's got enough stress right now.  Personally, I'd be glad the mother deleted her account, though we all know it's only temporary. 

Millionaire Maria:
Wow, that is a crazy level of drama queen! If I was your STBSIL I would have sent her home from the hospital until the baby arrived. Way to make labor all about you.

No, your brother was not rude. And I think in the future, he's not only going to have to continue to be direct, he's going to have to get used to his MIL's passive aggressive behavior. He should in no way comment on her account deletion or any other over the top behavior she resorts to when confronted.

I'd be tempted to tell the MIL "So if that behavior is okay today, can we post pics of you hooked up to tubes and monitors if you're ever in a coma or just coming out of surgery ?  ::)"


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