Author Topic: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?  (Read 7934 times)

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CakeBeret

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I ran across this letter in the Dear Abby archives and I'm frankly flabbergasted.

Third letter:
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2013/12/16

A woman goes on a date with a man who "never asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink." and is speculating this has something to do with tattooed women "ruining it for the rest of us". :o

Does etiquette require that one person specifically invite their date to order food or drink, or isn't that implied by the act of going to a restaurant together?
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Katana_Geldar

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2014, 08:52:29 PM »
You are going to a restaurant, you're presumably going to have something to eat and drink.

Angel B.

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2014, 08:56:28 PM »
If someone asked me to a restaurant(as a date) I would assume food and beverage is going to be had...though I'd assume that if a friend asked me to go to a restaurant as well.

The tattooed women assumption made me laugh...I never realized I was ruining it for the rest of you!  :P
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DavidH

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2014, 08:59:22 PM »
I've always assumed if I'm at a restaurant on a date I don't specifically have to suggest ordering food to my date.  It never occurred to me that I was being rude and I don't ever recall a situation where my date sat without ordering and watched me eat.  Incidentally, not all of my dates had tattoos, so that can't be the common link.

Jones

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2014, 09:26:15 PM »
If any man saw my tattoo on a first date, there's a problem, unless we're at a pool party. I've never had a man specifically invite me to order something...asking me out to dinner implies that we're going to eat something. Frankly, if he asked me to a restaurant and specifically didn't let me eat, yes I would probably break out some vocabulary...but a second date would not be happening at that point, either.

gramma dishes

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2014, 09:29:59 PM »
Although I don't think "pierced and tatooed gals" have anything to do with it, I do find it odd that neither the guy nor the server asked what she'd be having. 

I don't think she should have had to grab the wait person by the arm and say "Wait!!  You didn't take my order!"

I can't even begin to imagine being invited to dinner, or even agreeing to go to dinner with someone, and then have them sit down and eat a huge meal in front of me without even asking if I was going to have something.

Jones

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2014, 09:38:08 PM »
It does make you wonder about the other half of the story!

BigBadBetty

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2014, 10:26:01 PM »
Although I don't think "pierced and tatooed gals" have anything to do with it, I do find it odd that neither the guy nor the server asked what she'd be having. 

I don't think she should have had to grab the wait person by the arm and say "Wait!!  You didn't take my order!"

I can't even begin to imagine being invited to dinner, or even agreeing to go to dinner with someone, and then have them sit down and eat a huge meal in front of me without even asking if I was going to have something.

I was trying to figure that out, too. I was thinking maybe it was an order at the counter place. However, I would still think the guy would say something about not eating. I know I would think that was weird that my date didn't order anything to eat at restaurant.

Yvaine

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2014, 10:58:23 PM »
Although I don't think "pierced and tatooed gals" have anything to do with it, I do find it odd that neither the guy nor the server asked what she'd be having. 

I don't think she should have had to grab the wait person by the arm and say "Wait!!  You didn't take my order!"

I can't even begin to imagine being invited to dinner, or even agreeing to go to dinner with someone, and then have them sit down and eat a huge meal in front of me without even asking if I was going to have something.

I'm envisioning her actually being asked by the server but saying "no" because her date didn't read her mind and ask her personally, which is just  :o to me. And I can't even fathom what tattoos have to do with it!

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2014, 11:10:13 PM »
I thought the tattoo and piercing remark was a rather crotchety "young people these days".

Raintree

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2014, 11:13:56 PM »
When the man said, "I'll have a beer and a steak" the woman should have said (to the server), "And I'll have......" (whatever it is she wanted). She should have been prepared to pay for her own.

However, I do think it was bad manners on the part of the man to just go ahead and order something without asking if she wanted anything. Assuming he did the asking out. It's kind of like grabbing a shared bottle of wine and pouring yourself a glass without offering it first to others, or grabbing food off a tray without asking others to serve themselves first.

I don't think it's the fault of tattoed women though. That's hilarious.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2014, 11:18:20 PM »
I'd like to know the other side of the story, too.  Was she expecting her date to order for her?  What does she do if she goes to a restaurant with a friend?

nuit93

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2014, 12:47:34 AM »
I never understood that letter...I pretty much hate it when dates order for me.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2014, 01:55:46 AM »
$10 says this happened: the restaurant they went to is more of a bar & grill place. They go sit at the bar. She is not happy about being in a bar, and also notices that some of the customers have tats. And she is probably just recently getting back into the dating world, possibly divorced or widowed after a long marriage. Instead of saying "this really isn't my scene, let's go down to the coffee shop", she sits there clutching her purse & imagining that she'll be kidnapped by those tattooed bikers a few seats away & forced to join their motorcycle gang  ::) And since she doesn't hang out at bars much, she is baffled her date is ordering food; she thought they would meet up here, sip Shirley Temples & just talk. Meanwhile, he's thinking "this is going well, we've been chatting for a while, I guess I'll have a beer and primerib instead of just a beer." 
« Last Edit: March 25, 2014, 01:57:52 AM by TeamBhakta »

aussie_chick

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2014, 04:41:41 AM »
I wondered too about where the waiter was in all of this? Surely he would turn to her and ask her what she wanted after taking the guys order.
Or if it was a 'go to the counter and order' type place, speak up woman and order some food!