General Etiquette > general

s/o commenting on appearance- not taking a compliment well.

<< < (17/17)

We're done here unless you all stop talking about Garden Goblin. Must we beat the horse to death? One more comment about her and thread will be locked

Taking a bit of a left turn, one of the concepts I worked with in trying to overcome feelings of jealousy/envy/insecurity, was the saying "Bless what you desire". The idea is that instead of feeling bad about yourself because your eyes are not as pretty as so-and-so's, or because you don't have great fashion sense like somebody else, instead you discipline yourself to "bless" that trait or that person.  It is actually quite helpful as it turns your attention outward in positive ways instead of directing negative attention toward yourself.

You never know if someone who gives you a sincere compliment might be trying to do this, so a positive/accepting response kind of lets the Karma keep flowing, iykwim? 

I just thought of this thread today as a co-worker complimented me on my shoes. She said, "Nice shoes!" And I said, "Thanks!" That was the entirety of the conversation as we passed each other walking in different directions. Immediately after saying thanks, my thoughts turned to this thread. And I just started thinking how easy that exchange was.

I figure her motivation was 100% that she liked my shoes and wanted to let me know. Because when I give someone a compliment like that, whether that person is known to me or a stranger, that is exactly my motivation. I live in a place where strangers talk to each other as a matter of course. I often find myself admiring someone's shoes or earrings or whatever as I ride the elevator to my office (for example) and unless the person is otherwise engaged (such as in a conversation with others) I always say something. And I can't remember a time when the other person didn't act pleased. They get a smile on their face and thank me. And I do the same when the situation is reversed.

I do take a lot of care in picking out clothes, shoes and accessories. I'm a huge bargain hunter so it's a point of pride for me to dress well at very reasonable prices. So when someone compliments me, it really makes me feel good and I often remember that I was complimented on a particular item long after I've forgotten who it was that made the comment.

I do believe that there is a modicum of self-esteem involved in being able to accept compliments at face value with a gracious and simple "Thank you."

I agree, lowspark.  Good post!

I am wearing bright green pants today - definitely eye-catching.  I receive various compliments on them every time I wear them, from a joking "the green pants again!?!?? I can only take so much!!!" from a male co-worker I joke around with often, to "wow - you are looking good girl!  Love the green pants" from a male stranger, to "I really like those pants! Where did you get them?" from a female stranger.  To me, none of these compliments is threatening, and all brighten my day.  I would likely respond with, "Hah!  I wear them just because you can't stand them!" to the first; "Thanks!" (said with a smile and keep walking, regardless of what else may be said by him) to the second; and "Thanks! I got them from ____ - they are so fun to wear!" to the third. 

I especially liked this from lowspark: "I do believe that there is a modicum of self-esteem involved in being able to accept compliments at face value with a gracious and simple "Thank you.""  For me, I generally am confident in myself, but it is a nice "feel good" to have someone else reinforce that confidence!  And I like to compliment others for that same reason - I want them to feel confident and that their sparkle and shine and awesomeness shines through!

For people who think less of those who compliment them--do you believe people shouldn't give compliments? I can see that argument for strangers, though I don't necessarily agree, but even among friends? I totally understand that some people have upbringings that lead to bad thoughts (i do, too, not specifically in this area though) but discussing the etiquette of the situation, for people who think less of those who compliment them, what would the solution be? I mean, I would hate to think that I was making somebody feel worse for saying something nice, especially since I probably wouldn't even know it, as there is social pressure to dismiss compliments even when you do actually like hearing it.


[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page

Go to full version