General Etiquette > Life...in general

Cinema Shenanigans

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TurtleDove:

--- Quote from: o_gal on March 31, 2014, 08:58:52 AM ---
--- Quote from: whatsanenigma on March 28, 2014, 09:19:43 AM ---
--- Quote from: TurtleDove on March 28, 2014, 09:12:48 AM ---O_gal, I could have misunderstood, but you were *visiting*, which to me means you don't live by this group. Absent some other indicator of malicious intent I would assume the group wanted to see the movie during a time you simply weren't in town and not that they "deliberately excluded" you.

--- End quote ---

And if they are not the type to put value on the "first time" part of seeing a movie, they might not have been thinking about O_gal at all, one way or the other.  Maybe they just all felt like seeing the movie and didn't realize that O_gal was waiting to see if for the first time with them.  And realistically, how would they have known that, if no firm plan was in place?  I'm not convinced, without further evidence, that they wouldn't have gone to see the movie again with O_gal had it been requested and been happy to do so.

--- End quote ---

Yes, it was deliberate, and planned so that they wouldn't have to go again with us. The entire group had joked that it was a tradition and that we'd all see the 3rd one together the next year. None of the group live in the same area - we were all visiting at DH's parent's home. What happened is they all happened to be there before we were scheduled to arrive. They were looking for something to do and someone suggested going to see the movie then and not wait for us. To quote one of the group members as best as I can remember: "We figured that you'd just see it yourselves some time later". So that meant that 1. it was perfectly OK to exclude us and 2. they didn't have to let us know ahead of time.

--- End quote ---

I still see this as "we want to see the movie" and not "let's exclude o_gal."  At any rate, sorry your feelings were hurt.  Did you tell your friends you were upset?  Are you still friends? 

o_gal:

--- Quote from: TurtleDove on March 31, 2014, 09:04:49 AM ---
--- Quote from: o_gal on March 31, 2014, 08:58:52 AM ---
--- Quote from: whatsanenigma on March 28, 2014, 09:19:43 AM ---
--- Quote from: TurtleDove on March 28, 2014, 09:12:48 AM ---O_gal, I could have misunderstood, but you were *visiting*, which to me means you don't live by this group. Absent some other indicator of malicious intent I would assume the group wanted to see the movie during a time you simply weren't in town and not that they "deliberately excluded" you.

--- End quote ---

And if they are not the type to put value on the "first time" part of seeing a movie, they might not have been thinking about O_gal at all, one way or the other.  Maybe they just all felt like seeing the movie and didn't realize that O_gal was waiting to see if for the first time with them.  And realistically, how would they have known that, if no firm plan was in place?  I'm not convinced, without further evidence, that they wouldn't have gone to see the movie again with O_gal had it been requested and been happy to do so.

--- End quote ---

Yes, it was deliberate, and planned so that they wouldn't have to go again with us. The entire group had joked that it was a tradition and that we'd all see the 3rd one together the next year. None of the group live in the same area - we were all visiting at DH's parent's home. What happened is they all happened to be there before we were scheduled to arrive. They were looking for something to do and someone suggested going to see the movie then and not wait for us. To quote one of the group members as best as I can remember: "We figured that you'd just see it yourselves some time later". So that meant that 1. it was perfectly OK to exclude us and 2. they didn't have to let us know ahead of time.

--- End quote ---

I still see this as "we want to see the movie" and not "let's exclude o_gal."  At any rate, sorry your feelings were hurt.  Did you tell your friends you were upset?  Are you still friends?

--- End quote ---

Not friends - family, so we don't get a choice on whether to see them again or not. It definitely felt like an exclusion the way it was phrased - note that I put in the key phrase "not wait for us". That was part of their discussion, do we kill time now seeing the movie or wait until the entire group is available, and they specifically chose not to "wait for you and DH".

As I said in my post, this was not the first nor was it the last time that we were not informed of significant things happening within DH's family, so there is a history there that isn't apparent when you read of just this one circumstance.

Raintree:
I think it's totally rude of the guy to hijack the OP's planned outing by asking a group of the same friends to go see it sooner.

Also if someone asked me to see Awesome Movie on Thursday with them, it would never occur to me to sneak out on Tuesday and see it. I'd be a little put out if someone did that to me.

I had the opposite problem - I had a hankering to see Specific Movie, that evening, and was calling friends to see if anyone wanted to go. The first person I called said, "Well I can't get out tonight" (understandable, she had kids, but I thought I'd try, perhaps her husband was home and could watch them as was sometimes the case, and if not, move on to the next person)....and she continued, "let's watch a video at my place instead." I couldn't see how to get out of it without saying "actually, it was the Specific Movie I wanted to see tonight, not you in particular" so I went with it. In the video store it was announced that it had to be something the 7-year-old would enjoy too.

Arggh! My guidelines:

1) If a friend invites you to a specific movie, accept or decline, but don't try and change the terms, and don't go out and see it beforehand.
2) If a friend says "let's get together. How about a movie?" than you can make alternate suggestions, including suggesting what movie.
3) If a friend is trying to get a group together, and you want to get a group together, start your own planning thread and don't make it the same event but on a different night, unless there were a whole bunch of you that couldn't go the night the OP was planning, and you wanted to go Tuesday instead for those who couldn't make the original event.

Lynnv:
I am going to admit it.  I don't see the big problem with seeing the movie more than once.  Personally, I am not someone who will go see a movie in a theater multiple times-but there are a lot of folks who find that perfectly enjoyable.

Unless the OP specifically said "Let's all go see it for the first time together" then I would just assume that he (and anyone who chooses to go with him) is willing to see it more than once.

If the folks who have already seen it start giving spoilers or, as someone upthread mentioned, start saying things like, "Well, we already saw this, let's see something else," then those folks are being rude.  And that is a different issue than just the act of seeing a movie for the first time without the group.

Inviting others in the same group to go with him to see the movie is closer to the line, IMO.  But, again, as long as everyone who agreed to go to the OPs group outing still goes, I still don't understand the problem with seeing a movie more than once.

Then again,  I find that watching a movie is a mostly solitary activity rather than a group one, even if I am with a group.  The dinner, drinks and discussion/dissection afterwards are group activities that are not invalidated if someone has seen the movie twice.  But the movie itself is about sitting quietly and enjoying the film without disrupting others.  And eating more horrible-for-you movie theater popcorn than you probably should. 

As long as the people who already saw it aren't behaving like boors and as long as they all show up for the OPs outing, then seeing the movie twice isn't a bad thing.

Cherry91:
UPDATE:

We saw the film today - it was very good and I fully recommend it. Try to go in spoiler free if you can.

I didn't say anything to my friend in the end - looking back, I think it was a small thing that felt worse than it was due to already having a bad day. The only thing I did request was that they didn't tell us any spoilers.

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