General Etiquette > Life...in general

Cinema Shenanigans

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camlan:
If I could take your friend's side of things for a moment--

Maybe he really, really wants to see this movie. He's been waiting for it. He was willing to go with your group, but even you admit that it has been difficult to set a date. From the OP, I can't even tell if a date has been set yet.

So, in his shoes, I'd be getting pretty impatient with the delay in setting a firm date. Your stated goal of getting the old gang back together to see the movie might not matter much to him. It's important to you, but it may not be as important to the rest of the group.

So I can't blame him for going ahead and seeing the movie, especially if your group still hasn't locked down a date. I get the sense he's fed up with waiting and wants to make sure he gets to see the movie while it is still in the theaters.

However, I don't think he should have invited the same group, and he should have made any invitations to see the movie with him much more private.

So, I don't think you should be annoyed with him for seeing the movie. (Bear in mind he might be equally annoyed that your plans are taking so long.) However, I do think you have reason to be annoyed that he co-opted your guest list and did so very publicly.

Twik:
Honestly, I'd expect that Captain America will be in the theatres for a little bit longer than it will take the OP to get her group together. It's not even released in NA yet.

In any event, I can understand someone so desperate to see a movie that they just HAVE to go opening night. What they should not do is let the people they're going with know it's not their first viewing. Trying to poach people from a group already committed to going together is extremely rude. It's basically accepting an invitation to a party with a bunch of friends, and then going "Hey, why don't some of us have a party of our own just before that?"

Outdoor Girl:

--- Quote from: camlan on March 25, 2014, 03:34:03 PM ---So I can't blame him for going ahead and seeing the movie, especially if your group still hasn't locked down a date. I get the sense he's fed up with waiting and wants to make sure he gets to see the movie while it is still in the theaters.

However, I don't think he should have invited the same group, and he should have made any invitations to see the movie with him much more private.

So, I don't think you should be annoyed with him for seeing the movie. (Bear in mind he might be equally annoyed that your plans are taking so long.) However, I do think you have reason to be annoyed that he co-opted your guest list and did so very publicly.

--- End quote ---

i agree.

PrettySticks:

--- Quote from: whatsanenigma on March 25, 2014, 02:32:59 PM ---Well, eventually, it turned out that she did come during that time period, when the movie had been out for quite a while.  Before she came, some family asked me if I wanted to see that movie with them and I said sure.  When this came up in conversation, my visiting friend was really mad at me!  She said that we had agreed to see the movie together.

<snip> To me, the most important thing of going to the movies, for the first time for a given movie or not, is the social experience.

--- End quote ---

I truly don't mean this to sound accusatory, but I'm confused what exactly this "social experience" is, if you've already seen the movie in question.  I would think, when the friend made plans so far in advance to see this movie together, she was looking forward to the specific experience of watching the movie for the first time together with you, anticipating it beforehand, and being surprised by the same things at the same moments, etc. - that's the shared experience.  You'd already had that experience.  I mean, since you already knew what happened in the movie, it seems to me you could have driven to the theater together, and she could have watched the movie while you read a book in the lobby, and then driven home together afterwards, and it would have pretty much amounted to the same experience as the one you two had together.  BUT I am very aware I come from the side that places a lot of importance on these things, so I'm honestly curious as to what the experience was supposed to be to you.

As to the OP, I am completely understand where you're coming from - one of my first posts here (perhaps my first?) was also regarding Cinema Shenanigans.  To make a long, long story short, I had planned what I considered a Very Significant movie outing with one of my best friends, many weeks out.  At the last minute, she invited another friend along that I barely knew, which hurt my feelings, because it showed that this outing wasn't nearly as significant to her.  Because we'd been friends a long time, I thought I could be honest with her and tell her this hurt my feelings; I mainly expected that she would say she didn't get what the big deal was but that she was sorry. But instead she blew up at me, saying that was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard, and the movies were a public place, and it's not like we were on a date... you get the idea.  Our friendship never really recovered - NOT because of the Cinema Shenanigans per se, but because of her reaction.  I wasn't asking her to disinvite the other girl, just to acknowledge my feelings, and she couldn't do that even a little bit.  Anyway, I reiterate this whole thing as a cautionary tale.  Though I believe you are right, your friend won't.  While I don't know your friend, and while they might be more compassionate than my ex-friend, if they felt the same way as you do, they wouldn't have made these other plans in the first place.  So to you, this is Important, and to him, it won't be, and he's going to say you're making a big deal over a movie.  I know, you're not, you're making a big deal over your friends, and tradition, and all that. Believe me, I know!  I'm right there with you!  But unfortunately, he's not, and that's a bummer, but from my experience, there's nothing you can say that's going to get him there, so let this one go. 

Roe:
Your friend is rude, IMO.  First, he invited the same group.  Not cool. Second, part of the experience *is* seeing it all together for the *first* time.  That's the fun of it.  Talking about it in line, gasping in all the right places, laughing at the same jokes and talking about it afterwards.  If you've seen it before, you see it differently.

My guys and I (DH and three sons) are looking forward to CA. I mean, really looking forward to it!  I can't imagine seeing it beforehand. It would dilute the experience for all of us. 

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