Showing guests what to wear

[Mental Magpie]

I actually like it, due to my experience last summer at an afternoon outdoor wedding.  There I was in my heels and pearls, hair in an updo, etc.  Everyone else?  Basically shorts, polo shirts, very casual sun dresses.  I just didn't understand what they meant by afternoon casual.  It definitely would have taken pictures to explain it to me. 
Would it be as offensive to only offer it as a guide for those (like me) that ask you, but not included in the invitations?   I did ask a few people and they all did say to wear whatever you would to an afternoon party.

See I would be the same as you. Well, actually I'd have no idea what afternoon casual meant. Usually I'm in yoga pants or running shorts during a casual afternoon. I might use google images but well that I did that and got several different looks.

I don't think it'd be ok to include with an invitation. But at the website for "more information" I can't see why that's condescending. Some grown ups (Running Star and I are both grown ups) don't know exactly what someone means by afternoon casual. So if I hop on the wedding website and see a tab that says "What Should I Wear?" I can click on it.

If on the wedding website is it really different then registry info, maps, or hotel information? If you don't want/need that information, you don't look at it. If you pull up the website and see "How to get here" are they being rude by saying "You might not how to get here"? Don't grown ups know how to read maps or at the very least use their GPS?

I wouldn't see it as "You must wear one of these four outfit choices" and more of just a guide of "things that look sort of like this are a good idea".

I'm in this camp, too.  I'd much rather have an example if I went looking for one rather than guessing, getting wrong, and feeling like an incompetent fool.  At work, when we are to report to work not in uniform (ie training), we are to wear business professional.  That to me is quite clear, yes time and again people show up wearing completely disparate things.

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

I'm in this camp, too.  I'd much rather have an example if I went looking for one rather than guessing, getting wrong, and feeling like an incompetent fool.  At work, when we are to report to work not in uniform (ie training), we are to wear business professional.  That to me is quite clear, yes time and again people show up wearing completely disparate things.

I always have trouble with business professional/casual. Mostly because I have worked for too many different companies. For some business professional meant suits, ties for the men, if women wore skits you must wear hose, and closed toe shoes. Others it's been, slacks and a nice blouse, or khakis and a polo. For business casual it's meant khakis/slacks and nice shirt, dressier jeans and nice shirts, any jeans and nice shirt, jeans and shirt, and for the love of all that is just don't dress like you're selling it on a street corner. That last one was specific to one place and I did not last long there for many many reasons.

Like I said, I'm an examples girl. I love examples.

[Tea Drinker]

Oh, one other thought on why I would rather have examples of things I should wear than of things I shouldn't is that I know I don't have a lot of fashion sense. So I'd worry that I was misreading the illustration, and that you meant to say "dear Deity, not those colors!" rather than "please cover your tattoos," or vice versa. Trying *to* match one of 4 or 5 illustrations would be easier than trying *not* to match any of 4 or 5 other illustrations.

[TootsNYC]

I wouldn't see it as "You must wear one of these four outfit choices" and more of just a guide of "things that look sort of like this are a good idea".

Yes, but I'd be a little annoyed that you wouldn't think I could figure out what general sorts of things would be a good idea.

I might be there in a dress and heels, and everyone else in khaki, but I'd rather be a teeny bit overdressed.

I'll be honest, in my heart of hearts, I think it's not good form to have "afternoon casual" weddings, or to use indistinct terms, either. It's a wedding--I think people should dress up a little bit based on the time of day.

However, if you ARE using some odd term like that, or if you are having a truly casual wedding, then having it on your website under a link that says "afternoon casual—a translation" wouldn't make me feel that condescended to.

[Mental Magpie]

I wouldn't see it as "You must wear one of these four outfit choices" and more of just a guide of "things that look sort of like this are a good idea".

Yes, but I'd be a little annoyed that you wouldn't think I could figure out what general sorts of things would be a good idea.

I might be there in a dress and heels, and everyone else in khaki, but I'd rather be a teeny bit overdressed.

I'll be honest, in my heart of hearts, I think it's not good form to have "afternoon casual" weddings, or to use indistinct terms, either. It's a wedding--I think people should dress up a little bit based on the time of day.

However, if you ARE using some odd term like that, or if you are having a truly casual wedding, then having it on your website under a link that says "afternoon casual—a translation" wouldn't make me feel that condescended to.

For me, that would only happen if one of the pictures of what not to wear was fishnets, a mini skirt, and a belly shirt.

[purple]

I vote rude.
And condescending.
And patronising.
And arrogant.
And disdainful.

[Kaymar]

I vote rude.
And condescending.
And patronising.
And arrogant.
And disdainful.

And twee and bridezilla-ish. 

[buvezdevin]

I dislike the idea greatly.

It suggests a set dress code which guests must follow, as opposed to helpful considerations to assist the guests in choosing their own attire, as adults do.

So for outdoor weddings, having some reminders on the web site that guests will be walking on grass, or sitting in the sun and you mention this to ensure the guests dress for their comfort - that sounds like a great idea, and helpful.

Some folks like to be on the dressy end of the spectrum, no matter the spectrum, others on the comfort-over-fashion end.  Some like bright colors, some neutral, etc.  Some of the examples at the link left no room for individual preferences of this sort, in the photos/text, which struck me as dictatorial rather than considerate guidance.

If you wanted to convey something more as guidance than a phrasing of "afternoon casual" or any other descriptor, I still think it better to do so with some simple, helpful statements that won't read as mandates, and I would completely avoid any "don't wear this" guidance.  Where someone is having a wedding in a venue/church that may *have* a dress code, such as covered shoulders, that information can be passed along and is not the same as anything suggesting that the happy couple require their guests comply with a particular aesthetic.

I don't mean to suggest you actually want to dictate your guest's attire, just that the "wear this, not that" photo idea for a wedding site seems to me to be condescending more than whimsical or uniformly (pun intended) useful.

[Katana_Geldar]

Dress codes can be very confusing, particularly for women. For men it's just about what sort of shirt, jacket or not and whether to wear a tie or not.

I do like how they are trying to be helpful for guests, but it might be a bit much to put them as inserts in the invitations as they have done. I rather like the suggestion on the website and if anyone asks you can direct them to that page.

[Jones]

I like the idea.


I have chosen the wrong thing to wear several times before. This would help me a lot.

[Mental Magpie]

It seems like not everyone would be happy.  Would it be OK to treat it like a registry?  Put it on the website and/or only distribute if requested?

[JenJay]

It seems like not everyone would be happy.  Would it be OK to treat it like a registry?  Put it on the website and/or only distribute if requested?

I'd find it a lot less if it was on a website, offered only when asked, and contained several "wear this" and no "not that!" photos. If, say, there will be sand or grass, you could have a photo of cute sandals captioned "comfy beach shoes!" to get the point across. Don't use a photo of muddy, broken heels captioned "No heels!". Even though it seems helpful because yeah, heels will be a pain in sand, I don't think you should ever explicitly tell your guests, in general, what not to wear. Crazy uncles pulled aside and told privately, maybe. lol

[kareng57]

It seems like not everyone would be happy.  Would it be OK to treat it like a registry?  Put it on the website and/or only distribute if requested?

I'd find it a lot less if it was on a website, offered only when asked, and contained several "wear this" and no "not that!" photos. If, say, there will be sand or grass, you could have a photo of cute sandals captioned "comfy beach shoes!" to get the point across. Don't use a photo of muddy, broken heels captioned "No heels!". Even though it seems helpful because yeah, heels will be a pain in sand, I don't think you should ever explicitly tell your guests, in general, what not to wear. Crazy uncles pulled aside and told privately, maybe. lol

I too would find gentle info on the website acceptable, such as "the ground might be quite soft, low heels could be the best bet".  Nothing more, and guests could always ask if they require more info.

Count me in the crowd that would find the info in the OP terribly condescending.

[CakeEater]

I actually like it, due to my experience last summer at an afternoon outdoor wedding.  There I was in my heels and pearls, hair in an updo, etc.  Everyone else?  Basically shorts, polo shirts, very casual sun dresses.  I just didn't understand what they meant by afternoon casual.  It definitely would have taken pictures to explain it to me. 
Would it be as offensive to only offer it as a guide for those (like me) that ask you, but not included in the invitations?   I did ask a few people and they all did say to wear whatever you would to an afternoon party.

See I would be the same as you. Well, actually I'd have no idea what afternoon casual meant. Usually I'm in yoga pants or running shorts during a casual afternoon. I might use google images but well that I did that and got several different looks.

I don't think it'd be ok to include with an invitation. But at the website for "more information" I can't see why that's condescending. Some grown ups (Running Star and I are both grown ups) don't know exactly what someone means by afternoon casual. So if I hop on the wedding website and see a tab that says "What Should I Wear?" I can click on it.

If on the wedding website is it really different then registry info, maps, or hotel information? If you don't want/need that information, you don't look at it. If you pull up the website and see "How to get here" are they being rude by saying "You might not how to get here"? Don't grown ups know how to read maps or at the very least use their GPS?

I wouldn't see it as "You must wear one of these four outfit choices" and more of just a guide of "things that look sort of like this are a good idea".

Well, yes, I think having this info on a wedding webiste is a bit OTT as well. It's never been easier to find your way somewhere just by knowing an address. There's no need at all for a lot of information taht seems to be on wedding websites, I don't think.

No, I don't like it. I've wondered what to wear to weddings before, but have always figured it out, and have never been inappropriately dressed, I don't think. Having examples like that would just make me think, 'I don't have a navy knee length skirt and button up shirt. Is my long floral skirt and white t-shirt at the same level of formality, or did they just not have a long skirt to use as an example?' etc.

It also strikes me that someone who spent any amount of time thinking about exactly what they'd like the clothes of their guests to be, rather than just a formality level, would be judging whether I had done a good enough job of matching their vision.

I had a reasonably formal wedding. Many of my female guests wore dress trousers and nice blouses. I wouldn't have given that as an example if I had done this, because I don't own those things. It may not have occured to me that it was even an option, because I like to wear dresses or skirts to formal events. I wouldn't have liked my guests to think that they were out of line in wearing what they did, simply because their dress styles didn't match mine. As far as I remember, all my guests were perfectly appropriate.

[camlan]

I think the key thing is to use a phrase for the dress code that isn't difficult to interpret. "Semi-formal" is fine. "Black tie" is fine.

But a friend of mine is currently struggling to interpret "rustic glam." And even the bride has admitted she doesn't know exactly what that means--and she's the one who chose the phrase! (I keep telling her she needs to dress like Eva Gabor in Green Acres, but she's not listening to me.)

And from the responses here, some people do better with pictures and other people do better with words, so you need to chose both carefully.

I'd go with just words on the invitation. As several people have pointed out, they would not be happy with pictures included with the invitation.

Pictures, if you must do them, would be limited to the web site.

But the dress code is one thing that I would urge you not to get too creative with. As with my example of "rustic glam," you don't want to put your guests through the wringer trying to figure out what the heck you mean.

If the wedding is outdoors, make that clear--doesn't necessarily have to be in the dress code. Then plainly state the dress code--formal, semi-formal, beach casual.