Author Topic: Showing guests what to wear  (Read 5982 times)

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Carotte

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #60 on: April 01, 2014, 03:29:57 PM »
Like for a lot of things  I think this idea depends very much on the execution and on the HC/guests and reasons for such a thing (do/don't wear).
Humor makes it easier to come across without implying that you think your guests are stupid.

Always ok: putting words on the formality or lack thereoff of your wedding,
where? I don't know. I wouldn't put it on the main invite but in the insert about the venue.
how? either bluntly, on it's own: "black tie wedding at Castle Chez Martin" or subtly implied "followed by a casual brunch".

Always ok: a notice about the venue or weather. (soft grass, gravel path from parking to ceremony..)
Where: insert with venue info, website or word of mouth.

Special circumstances: themed wedding (medieval, rétro chic..).
A note about if guests have to wear specific (period) things, if there will be spare that they can borrow, where can they find it, the difference between renaissance and victorian*...
On the website is best.
(* I'd think that was nitpicking if the HC were to pout because someone mixed the two but hey, example ).

Special circumstances: religious venues when not all your guests share the same faith.
I wouldn't know of the top of my head if a Boudist meditation venues allowed women to show hair or bare shoulders for examples. Even inside the same religion some venues/denominations are more strict so a head up about the don't can be a normal and appreciated thing.
"we would like  our guest to take notice that the Green church ask of the women to cover their shoulders while inside the venue, shawls will be available before entering the church".

I remember a webpage detailing all the differences between black tie, formal,... wear for men, with examples of the suits and a description. The same might exist for women so I'd google if I was uncertain. I just need something to google so something should clue me in from the invite.
Do (or implication of DO) would guide me, Don't would feel like you don't trust me to not come to your Black Tie wedding in hiking boots.

Do/Don't are strong words. "please refrain", "you might find that X would be more comfortable due to the ground", "for you confort, favor flat heels"... will go much easier with me.


GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #61 on: April 01, 2014, 03:43:08 PM »
Good Lord, I didn't even follow the attached link.

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2010/05/WearThisNotThat.jpg

Yea, I'm sending regrets.  And how come it's OK to wear a tie to the beach cookout but not the wedding?

I love this!  It's goofy and made me smile, but also understandable -- I love the combination of photo and text so it's clear why they've chosen each photo.  I'd feel very comfortable attending the wedding after seeing this link.

I liked this one because it used pop culture references. Lost vs. Real Housewives, those are two very different looks and one is much more casual then the other.

However, I want to be so very clear on this point, I was posting about the article that talked about playing dress up and showing your guests what you mean. Not the additional link to another article written by someone else on the site answering a question about conveying appropriate clothing choices that another someone else asked.

Surianne

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #62 on: April 01, 2014, 03:56:46 PM »
Good Lord, I didn't even follow the attached link.

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2010/05/WearThisNotThat.jpg

Yea, I'm sending regrets.  And how come it's OK to wear a tie to the beach cookout but not the wedding?

I love this!  It's goofy and made me smile, but also understandable -- I love the combination of photo and text so it's clear why they've chosen each photo.  I'd feel very comfortable attending the wedding after seeing this link.

I liked this one because it used pop culture references. Lost vs. Real Housewives, those are two very different looks and one is much more casual then the other.

However, I want to be so very clear on this point, I was posting about the article that talked about playing dress up and showing your guests what you mean. Not the additional link to another article written by someone else on the site answering a question about conveying appropriate clothing choices that another someone else asked.

I'm not really sure what your issue is with my post that you need to be "so very clear" about?  I thought I was pretty clear that I liked both examples, and even if I wasn't clear enough for you, it's just my personal opinion.  I'm not saying anyone else needs to like the same things I do. 

LadyL

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #63 on: April 01, 2014, 03:57:51 PM »
Depending on the execution I might find these kinds of suggestions anywhere from helpful, to goofy but harmless, to slightly annoying (assuming they are illustrating a "normal" dress code, not threatening to bar guests wearing cotton from their Renne Faire wedding or something). But if I am important enough to someone to be invited to their wedding, I'm unlikely to decline simply based on a hamfisted attempt at explaining the dress code. Especially if it was intended to be tongue in cheek/humorous like the linked original example.

I mean, on my wedding website I had a line about "the bride requests that no one wear a poufy white ball gown with a veil. Poufy blue, pink, or zebra print gowns are fine (though not necessarily recommended)." I would hope no one felt was I being bossy, condescending, or bridezilla-esque because I made a bit of a joke. In fact a few guests made references to that line to me (jokes about the lovely zebra print ball gown they found, stuff like that).

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #64 on: April 01, 2014, 04:13:31 PM »
Good Lord, I didn't even follow the attached link.

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2010/05/WearThisNotThat.jpg

Yea, I'm sending regrets.  And how come it's OK to wear a tie to the beach cookout but not the wedding?

I love this!  It's goofy and made me smile, but also understandable -- I love the combination of photo and text so it's clear why they've chosen each photo.  I'd feel very comfortable attending the wedding after seeing this link.

I liked this one because it used pop culture references. Lost vs. Real Housewives, those are two very different looks and one is much more casual then the other.

However, I want to be so very clear on this point, I was posting about the article that talked about playing dress up and showing your guests what you mean. Not the additional link to another article written by someone else on the site answering a question about conveying appropriate clothing choices that another someone else asked.

I'm not really sure what your issue is with my post that you need to be "so very clear" about?  I thought I was pretty clear that I liked both examples, and even if I wasn't clear enough for you, it's just my personal opinion.  I'm not saying anyone else needs to like the same things I do.

That wasn't necessarily directed at anything you said. I just wanted to clarify for anyone reading along that my original post was about the content in the post, not about the extra link in the post.

lowspark

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #65 on: April 01, 2014, 04:13:42 PM »
Oh yeah, I didn't mean to imply I would take offense at any of it. Most especially if it's meant to be tongue in cheek. I'm just thinking that I'm likely to be the one who completely misunderstands what is being conveyed and end up wearing the exact wrong thing, or realizing that I certainly could have worn the outfit I originally wanted to wear if I'd only not misinterpreted the pictures.

I think the whole idea trying to clarify the preferred dress stems from the fact that we've (as a society) gotten so far afield with the names for different styles that they've become meaningless. "Dressy casual" for example. Which is it? Dressy or casual? I just saw another one, "Rustic chic". Sorry but rustic and chic are at opposite ends of the spectrum in my view.

Maybe there's no way around it. Say "casual" and you're likely to have guests show up in ratty jeans. Say "dressy" and everyone comes dressed to the nines. And all you really wanted was casual but presentable.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #66 on: April 01, 2014, 04:15:48 PM »
But if I am important enough to someone to be invited to their wedding, I'm unlikely to decline simply based on a hamfisted attempt at explaining the dress code. Especially if it was intended to be tongue in cheek/humorous like the linked original example.

I feel this way too. Especially because if I know them well enough to get an invite to their wedding, I probably know their sense of humor pretty well and could see they're trying to have a bit of fun while also trying to give helpful information.

gellchom

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #67 on: April 01, 2014, 04:41:44 PM »
I wouldn't be offended, but I'd roll my eyes.  And I wouldn't get much guidance.

I get it about helping guests feel comfortable that they are dressed right.  I appreciate that too.  That's why I've often railed against cutesy or overly creative dress codes on invitations that tell me NOTHING about what I am supposed to wear -- "Dress to impress!" was one that springs to mind.  The conventional forms like "black tie," "casual," or "business casual," less traditional things like "dressy" or "dressy casual" (which I have come to accept), and things specific to the occasion like "boat wear," "costume," or "beach attire" give me the information I need.  The venue and the style of the invitation give cues, too.  Even the standard conventions can vary a bit by community, but if the event is in a community different from mine, it's easy to find out what it means there, and even if I just go with what it means in my community, I won't be far off and wearing something appropriate anyway.  Like, it says "black tie" and I wear a dressy short party dress where others are mostly wearing long, or vice-versa -- that's okay anyway; not like I'd be wearing a business suit.  And I also agree that heads-ups about grass shoes would sink in, religious parameters, and the like are very appropriate.

But this?  It strikes me as off, too.  Kind of cutesy and kind of over-concerned with the guests' clothing, and susceptible to misunderstanding, as others have said.  In addition, while it might seem like a great idea to this bride and MOH when they are thinking of their peers, just how helpful are these photos (or TV show references) to Grandma and other guests in the parent and grandparent generations, which most weddings include? 

Finally, and maybe this is just me, but IMHO it has a little taste of "Let's all call each other tonight and decide what we're all going to wear to school tomorrow!" to it.  A little too junior high for a wedding.

buvezdevin

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #68 on: April 01, 2014, 04:46:22 PM »
But if I am important enough to someone to be invited to their wedding, I'm unlikely to decline simply based on a hamfisted attempt at explaining the dress code. Especially if it was intended to be tongue in cheek/humorous like the linked original example.

I feel this way too. Especially because if I know them well enough to get an invite to their wedding, I probably know their sense of humor pretty well and could see they're trying to have a bit of fun while also trying to give helpful information.

Whereas I have found that if I know someone well enough to be invited to the wedding, I have some experience with what their sense of any particular dress code is, or if uncertain - I can ask.

For a wedding just over a year ago, with invitation specifying "black tie optional"  - I did ask the bride if she thought there would be an inclination towards cocktail or formal length dresses among guests, and if she had any preference.  In that case, the formality of the event would not have neatly dovetailed with humorous "do/don't" wear guidance, and I noted that while a number of women wore very high end formal gowns or stylish cocktail dresses, there were more than a handful in tea length gowns which might not meet a strict reading of "black tie optional" but were lovely, and not at all out of place.

For other weddings, I have sometimes been on the more formal or less formal end of the overall range of guest attire, and most weddings I have attended have had a range, not from jeans to tuxedos, but not entirely uniform either - regardless of dress code.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #69 on: April 01, 2014, 06:01:20 PM »

Always ok: putting words on the formality or lack thereoff of your wedding,
where? I don't know. I wouldn't put it on the main invite but in the insert about the venue.
how? either bluntly, on it's own: "black tie wedding at Castle Chez Martin" or subtly implied "followed by a casual brunch".



Actually the strictest of traditional etiquette -does- have you put this on the main invitation. In the lower right corner.

Always ok: a notice about the venue or weather. (soft grass, gravel path from parking to ceremony..)
Where: insert with venue info, website or word of mouth.

Special circumstances: themed wedding (medieval, rétro chic..).
A note about if guests have to wear specific (period) things, if there will be spare that they can borrow, where can they find it, the difference between renaissance and victorian*...
On the website is best.
(* I'd think that was nitpicking if the HC were to pout because someone mixed the two but hey, example ).

Special circumstances: religious venues when not all your guests share the same faith.
I wouldn't know of the top of my head if a Boudist meditation venues allowed women to show hair or bare shoulders for examples. Even inside the same religion some venues/denominations are more strict so a head up about the don't can be a normal and appreciated thing.
"we would like  our guest to take notice that the Green church ask of the women to cover their shoulders while inside the venue, shawls will be available before entering the church".

I remember a webpage detailing all the differences between black tie, formal,... wear for men, with examples of the suits and a description. The same might exist for women so I'd google if I was uncertain. I just need something to google so something should clue me in from the invite.
Do (or implication of DO) would guide me, Don't would feel like you don't trust me to not come to your Black Tie wedding in hiking boots.

Do/Don't are strong words. "please refrain", "you might find that X would be more comfortable due to the ground", "for you confort, favor flat heels"... will go much easier with me.
[/quote]

LtPowers

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #70 on: April 04, 2014, 09:52:48 AM »
Wait...is there a difference between garden party and tea time? Because I think my outfit would look very much the same either way.

I doubt it  :)  But I suspect someone invited to both styles of wedding would worry about a subtle distinction that they were missing.  ( Glove for teatime?  Sandals for garden party?  I don't know )

Garden parties are outside. Teas are usually inside.


Powers  &8^]

mime

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #71 on: April 04, 2014, 11:45:57 AM »
I'm going to try to pull a few thoughts together, here and hope they're coherent on the page.

OP: your presence on this site is that of a classy and laid-back person. You know how to treat people, you know how to express yourself, and you are not quick to take offense or hold a grudge. I expect those people close enough to you to be invited to your wedding will also understand those things about you. I expect any advice given on how to dress would be recieved as friendly suggestions rather than SS demands.

In keeping with 'classy' you, though, I wouldn't include do's and don't's of wedding guest attire in your invitation. I don't recall seeing that you were planning to do that anyway.

In keeping with 'laid-back' you, I suspect your wedding website would reflect your personality and be the place (as it is for many couples) to share fun and lighthearted things about you as a couple. I think information about how to dress would absolutely be appropriate here. I also think the idea of playing dress-up for some how-to pictures would be very cute and a nice way to add personalization to the event. My main concern, and I echo other posters in this, is that what-not-to-do examples could make a guest feel like they are going to be scrutinized as making a wrong fashion choice and that a pair of bridezillas is going to judge them for not correctly suiting-up for the Big Event. I do think if you keep the approach to things like "for your comfort, bring a wrap for the dropping temp..." and "you'll be standing in the grass, so you may prefer low heels..." then the guidance would be appreciated. I know I would appreciate it.

In the interest of full disclosure: I'd appreciate help with these what-to-wear decisions myself. I really appreciate gift registries, too. I also tend to think some wedding etiquette feels stuffy, so I welcome casual and lighthearted wedding website content to balance it out.  :D

camlan

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #72 on: April 04, 2014, 11:58:08 AM »
Wait...is there a difference between garden party and tea time? Because I think my outfit would look very much the same either way.

I doubt it  :)  But I suspect someone invited to both styles of wedding would worry about a subtle distinction that they were missing.  ( Glove for teatime?  Sandals for garden party?  I don't know )

Garden parties are outside. Teas are usually inside.


Powers  &8^]

For a garden party, I'd wear a hat with a large brim, so I wouldn't get too much sun. Otherwise, my outfit might be the same for both.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


camlan

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #73 on: April 04, 2014, 12:00:41 PM »
Good Lord, I didn't even follow the attached link.

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2010/05/WearThisNotThat.jpg

Yea, I'm sending regrets.  And how come it's OK to wear a tie to the beach cookout but not the wedding?

I love this!  It's goofy and made me smile, but also understandable -- I love the combination of photo and text so it's clear why they've chosen each photo.  I'd feel very comfortable attending the wedding after seeing this link.

I liked this one because it used pop culture references. Lost vs. Real Housewives, those are two very different looks and one is much more casual then the other.

However, I want to be so very clear on this point, I was posting about the article that talked about playing dress up and showing your guests what you mean. Not the additional link to another article written by someone else on the site answering a question about conveying appropriate clothing choices that another someone else asked.

Just a word about the pop culture references--you need to know your guests.

I've heard of Lost and Real Housewives, but never seen an episode. So a reference to dress or not dress like the cast of either show would be lost on me. And who is Vince?

If the instructions were to dress like Real Housewives, for example, I'd have to go and do more research in order to figure out what to wear.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


Surianne

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Re: Showing guests what to wear
« Reply #74 on: April 04, 2014, 01:52:14 PM »
Good Lord, I didn't even follow the attached link.

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2010/05/WearThisNotThat.jpg

Yea, I'm sending regrets.  And how come it's OK to wear a tie to the beach cookout but not the wedding?

I love this!  It's goofy and made me smile, but also understandable -- I love the combination of photo and text so it's clear why they've chosen each photo.  I'd feel very comfortable attending the wedding after seeing this link.

I liked this one because it used pop culture references. Lost vs. Real Housewives, those are two very different looks and one is much more casual then the other.

However, I want to be so very clear on this point, I was posting about the article that talked about playing dress up and showing your guests what you mean. Not the additional link to another article written by someone else on the site answering a question about conveying appropriate clothing choices that another someone else asked.

Just a word about the pop culture references--you need to know your guests.

I've heard of Lost and Real Housewives, but never seen an episode. So a reference to dress or not dress like the cast of either show would be lost on me. And who is Vince?

If the instructions were to dress like Real Housewives, for example, I'd have to go and do more research in order to figure out what to wear.

I interpreted the link as the pictures being the main focus of what to wear, not that you should research the pop culture jokes further.  I don't know anything about the shows or people referenced and the link seemed clear to me.