Author Topic: S/O of the pizza thread  (Read 3732 times)

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Surianne

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Re: S/O of the pizza thread
« Reply #30 on: August 25, 2014, 05:30:47 PM »
I understand that it takes an hour or more for a chicken to actually cook, but the "prep time" or the time that someone is actively doing something to the chicken is a couple of minutes, tops. Then, it's in the oven until it's done. Whereas, the amount of "prep time" to make a chicken soup or a chicken pie can be a really, really long time to cut vegetables, make gravy, roll out pie crust, etc. So, the amount of actual work to do to "doctor" a cooked chicken is very likely more work than actually cooking a chicken.

So, if you're bringing someone a cooked chicken so they don't have to cook, yet you expect them to "doctor it" to make it palatable because it's coming every single week or even more, then it's hardly a time saver. It's not really helpful at all. I would rather make something I actually want to eat, rather than have my main ingredient dictated to me once or twice a week.

It goes back to asking yourself the question: "Why am I bringing this?" If it's to save them the time of having to cook a meal, then why bring something they don't want to eat? If it's to make yourself feel good, then I guess take whatever you want, but then I don't think you can get offended when the person isn't falling all over themselves to eat it for the 15th time in 10 weeks.

Honestly, I think this is a lot of twisting and turning to assume bad motivations on the part of the in-laws. 

To me, eating chicken once a week is perfectly fine.  To me, cooking a whole chicken takes more waiting time than getting a pre-cooked chicken ready, and so I'd appreciate the pre-cooked chicken.  Your experiences are different, and that's fine.  But there's no real evidence to think that the in-laws would know what the OP thinks of chicken once a week.  The in-laws might be more like me, or the other posters who have said they enjoy eating chicken several times a week.

Isn't it more likely that the in-laws genuinely trying to do something nice, because they thought the chicken would be welcome and helpful?

This is why I think the OP just letting them know she doesn't need food anymore is the best way to go about it.  Thank them for their efforts in the past and say you're able to go back to cooking and don't need the chicken anymore.

CakeEater

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Re: S/O of the pizza thread
« Reply #31 on: August 25, 2014, 05:52:41 PM »
I understand that it takes an hour or more for a chicken to actually cook, but the "prep time" or the time that someone is actively doing something to the chicken is a couple of minutes, tops. Then, it's in the oven until it's done. Whereas, the amount of "prep time" to make a chicken soup or a chicken pie can be a really, really long time to cut vegetables, make gravy, roll out pie crust, etc. So, the amount of actual work to do to "doctor" a cooked chicken is very likely more work than actually cooking a chicken.

So, if you're bringing someone a cooked chicken so they don't have to cook, yet you expect them to "doctor it" to make it palatable because it's coming every single week or even more, then it's hardly a time saver. It's not really helpful at all. I would rather make something I actually want to eat, rather than have my main ingredient dictated to me once or twice a week.

It goes back to asking yourself the question: "Why am I bringing this?" If it's to save them the time of having to cook a meal, then why bring something they don't want to eat? If it's to make yourself feel good, then I guess take whatever you want, but then I don't think you can get offended when the person isn't falling all over themselves to eat it for the 15th time in 10 weeks.

Honestly, I think this is a lot of twisting and turning to assume bad motivations on the part of the in-laws. 

To me, eating chicken once a week is perfectly fine.  To me, cooking a whole chicken takes more waiting time than getting a pre-cooked chicken ready, and so I'd appreciate the pre-cooked chicken.  Your experiences are different, and that's fine.  But there's no real evidence to think that the in-laws would know what the OP thinks of chicken once a week.  The in-laws might be more like me, or the other posters who have said they enjoy eating chicken several times a week.

Isn't it more likely that the in-laws genuinely trying to do something nice, because they thought the chicken would be welcome and helpful?

This is why I think the OP just letting them know she doesn't need food anymore is the best way to go about it.  Thank them for their efforts in the past and say you're able to go back to cooking and don't need the chicken anymore.

I don't know how likely it is that the ILs are genuinely trying to be nice - there's lots of people who do things because they want the thanks and praise more than that they really want to be helpful.

But let's assume they really do want to be helpful. They really, genuinely want to bring a dinner that their son and DIL will enjoy eating because they're busy with a new baby. Wouldn't they want to know that the recipients are groaning when they see the chicken arrive, rather than sighing in relief? And wouldn't, if they really wanted to be helpful, be trying to provide something that will save the new parents time, and that they will enjoy?


Surianne

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Re: S/O of the pizza thread
« Reply #32 on: August 25, 2014, 05:59:27 PM »
I don't know how likely it is that the ILs are genuinely trying to be nice - there's lots of people who do things because they want the thanks and praise more than that they really want to be helpful.

I guess that hasn't been my own experience. 

Quote
But let's assume they really do want to be helpful. They really, genuinely want to bring a dinner that their son and DIL will enjoy eating because they're busy with a new baby. Wouldn't they want to know that the recipients are groaning when they see the chicken arrive, rather than sighing in relief? And wouldn't, if they really wanted to be helpful, be trying to provide something that will save the new parents time, and that they will enjoy?

Actually no, I wouldn't want to know that they were groaning at my attempt to be helpful.  I'd be embarrassed and hurt if they told me that, and I'd feel terrible for making their situation worse when I was intending to help.  I wouldn't offer to help again because I wouldn't want to annoy them.

I'd rather they just thank me and then tell me the food help isn't needed anymore.  Then I can offer to help in another way (if I'm comfortable with that) and let them tell me what would work.

lmyrs

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Re: S/O of the pizza thread
« Reply #33 on: August 25, 2014, 06:30:03 PM »
First, I think that it doesn't matter whether I or any other poster could eat a roast chicken every day for a decade and never get sick of it. The OP did get sick of it. And, I don't blame her. It's more than once per week. That's a lot.

I think the disconnect here is that if I was bringing someone meals because I wanted to be helpful and save them time and energy in cooking, then I would want to know that my intentions were not actually being met. Just because someone doesn't want to eat the same thing once or twice a week, doesn't mean that they don't love the giver. They just don't want that thing any more. And, if the recipient still wanted meals (just not that particular meal) then I would want them to tell me so. I don't see what's so bad about the recipient saying, "I don't want any more chicken, but I could use some pasta." Or even, "I don't want any more chicken."

I don't see why the recipient should say, "I don't need anymore meals" when it's not the truth. I don't understand why it is better to flat out lie and say that you're back to cooking when you aren't. If someone's feelings are so delicate that they can't stand the thought that someone doesn't want to eat a store-bought rotisserie chicken once to twice a week, then I don't know what to say about that. It's not like they were turning down a gourmet meal that the ILs worked and agonized over. It's about the same effort as going to a McDonalds or Burger King and (around here anyway) less expensive than a pizza.

I'm talking about a close enough relationship here and when the meals are being given multiple times, not a one-time church group or something.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2014, 06:33:24 PM by lmyrs »

squeakers

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Re: S/O of the pizza thread
« Reply #34 on: August 25, 2014, 07:52:13 PM »
My MIL sends us food packages that we love! Desserts and fully cooked mains and stuff she found on sale.

But one of the things she was sending was just gross.  It's those little cups of mac n cheese that just need water and 2 minutes in the microwave.  Now when the boys were toddlers they just loved those.  But as they grew so did their tastebuds and none of them were eating these "treats".  They sat in the cupboard taking up space until they expired and were tossed.  But were replaced monthly with another batch so there was always a couple containers sitting there.  Not even the parrot would eat them.

One Halloween she tried sending home a case of the stuff and I finally told her that no one cares for them.  She got upset and started saying how she might as well not send anything at all then. 

So I got upset and told her how now that we were no longer living paycheck to paycheck that certain foods just don't hit the table any more.   Like the hamburger helper stuff.. because we ate so much of it to stretch our dollars that it almost makes me gag to cook with it. We do eat pasta meals but it's all homemade (well, I don't make the noodles) with fresh stuff added in.

I guess between me crying and admitting that at one time we could have used monetary help but that wasn't our style (the other sons always had their hands out) and how much her breads, muffins, cookies and lasagnas etc were appreciated at that time and now... she started crying too and said she was sorry for pushing the instant mac and cheese on us and for getting upset with us.

She still sends us goodies and we still tell her how great the stuff is. I think that's how things in a family should work... maybe minus the crying but it worked out.
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Paper Roses

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Re: S/O of the pizza thread
« Reply #35 on: August 25, 2014, 08:08:57 PM »
How unfortunate that you burned a bridge without realizing it. 

Even though so much time has passed, could you ask your husband now what he said to them?  Maybe say something like, "Remember how your folks used to bring over those chickens?  I'm just wondering what you told them, because it's kind of bothering me - I certainly don't want them to feel burned by me."  Maybe you can spark his memory - and he may have put it in a way that was offensive without even realizing it.

In other words, he may have thought it was a tiny flame, but now it's festered into a full fledged explosion, and the only one who doesn't get it is him.

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