Author Topic: "Stealing" a Baby Name  (Read 32337 times)

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magicdomino

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #45 on: March 28, 2014, 02:42:08 PM »
The odds are high that she will even change her mind IF the time comes. Her future partner might have an opinion about that. Years ago having the " what if? " conversation with my hubby he and I each had a beloved name for a boy and a girl. Guess what? Neither our daughter nor son have those names.  When we had dd we had a boys name picked out. Guess what? We did not use that boys name for our son. For him, we chose a name that happens to be the same as the son of an acquaintance. Things change. Use Charlotte because the world needs more Charlottes :) Congratulations and good luck with everything! And nap because naps are wonderful

Excellent point.  My mother always wanted to name a girl Joyce, and nickname her Joy.  Two of my siblings are boys.  Both my sister's father and my father disliked the name.  No Joy in my family.   ;)

SamiHami

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #46 on: March 28, 2014, 02:48:12 PM »
Anyone else remember the doctor on House that got both his exwife and a girlfriend pregnant at the same time, kept that fact secret from both of them, and he wound up with two daughters with the same name?

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Alli8098

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #47 on: March 28, 2014, 03:23:51 PM »
Anyone else remember the doctor on House that got both his exwife and a girlfriend pregnant at the same time, kept that fact secret from both of them, and he wound up with two daughters with the same name?

I have to see that episode!

Figgie

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #48 on: March 28, 2014, 03:26:10 PM »
I think I may have posted this before, but I'm not sure. :)  My spouse's cousin was extremely upset when she found out that her daughter and our daughter had the exact same first and middle names (last names are different).  This particular cousin is usually quite sweet, but not the sharpest knife in drawer. :)

When she confronted me about the name, I looked at her and said:  "Lois, our daughter is two years OLDER than your daughter.  I'm not at all upset that you chose the same name for your daughter as we did for ours."

She huffed and puffed a few times, but that pretty much took the wind out of her sails.  :)

Elfmama

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #49 on: March 28, 2014, 04:32:49 PM »
I agree with eveyone else. Your 'friend' is being immature and silly.
EvilMargo is tempted to turn the tables on her by pointing out that you told her that you were thinking of naming your daughter Charlotte and that you are deeply hurt and upset that she is even considering stealing the name from you (after all, you told her the name, before she'd ever mentioned her hypothetical plans to you!)

It's probably a good thing that EvilMargo doesn't know your friend...

And honestly, if it is so important to her that her (hypothetical) child doesn't share a name, then she really shouldn't set her heart on such a popular name. I bet there would be fewer other kids with the same name if she went for something like Hepzibah or Jerusha!
Jerusha is pretty, but Hepzibah --  :P
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Elfmama

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #50 on: March 28, 2014, 04:39:52 PM »
All I can add is that I agree with everyone else. If Charlotte is your daughter's name, then that's it. I'm from a family with lots and lots of Kathy/Cathy/Katy/Katharines, and yet we survived to tell the tale. And everyone still likes each other. Seriously, we have some variation on the name at least 1/2 dozen times in my generation and the next (probably more than that, actually.)
If you count the different C/K spellings and variant forms in other languages, Katharine has about 60 different variations.  Lots of room for naming a child so that it's "different, but the same."
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magicdomino

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #51 on: March 28, 2014, 05:01:25 PM »
I agree with eveyone else. Your 'friend' is being immature and silly.
EvilMargo is tempted to turn the tables on her by pointing out that you told her that you were thinking of naming your daughter Charlotte and that you are deeply hurt and upset that she is even considering stealing the name from you (after all, you told her the name, before she'd ever mentioned her hypothetical plans to you!)

It's probably a good thing that EvilMargo doesn't know your friend...

And honestly, if it is so important to her that her (hypothetical) child doesn't share a name, then she really shouldn't set her heart on such a popular name. I bet there would be fewer other kids with the same name if she went for something like Hepzibah or Jerusha!
Jerusha is pretty, but Hepzibah --  :P

I like Hepzibah, but wouldn't stick it on an innocent child.  Now, a cat, maybe . . .  ;)

doodlemor

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #52 on: March 28, 2014, 05:18:01 PM »

I like Hepzibah, but wouldn't stick it on an innocent child.  Now, a cat, maybe . . .  ;)

I love the names Angharad, Bronwyn, and Aisling.  Maybe I'll use them for the next cats who show up here.  I wonder how many women named Lara [from Dr. Zhivago] and Demelza [from Poldark] are out there.

Pertaining to this thread - OP's friend needs to get over herself.  OP mentioned the name first, and they don't even live in the same part of the country.

PastryGoddess

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #53 on: March 28, 2014, 05:41:34 PM »
Just want to add my agreement.  Congratulations on your pregnancy and Charlotte is a lovely name.


Your "friend" needs to find a chair and have a seat.  You are pregnant, she is not. So basically she has made your pregnancy choices all about her.  Really?  Really?

This conversation is a gift, you now know more about her than you did before.  Use that information wisely.

The bolded above is the best thing I've read all day. Stealing it for future use.

If someone is being especially stupid, that chair can be expanded to a: loveseat, chaise, couch, or sectional. :)

citadelle

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #54 on: March 28, 2014, 05:44:36 PM »
This thread reminds me of this one: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=130784.0
About an adult cousin taking the OP's name!

Aquamarine

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #55 on: March 28, 2014, 06:21:46 PM »
Someone needs to grow up.  No matter what she names her child, other people will have that same name.  Unless she is going to go the Ashleeighe Iamauneeke Snewphlake route.

Do not discuss baby names with people, tell them it's still under discussion and the list is long.  Otherwise everyone will have an opinion and it will get very tiresome, very soon.  This is not a discussion others need to be involved with unless you chose to include them.
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gmatoy

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #56 on: March 28, 2014, 08:12:24 PM »
My grandmother had three daughters. Each daughter had a granddaughter with a very popular name. The same popular name. However, they all have different middle and last names and have not ever been together. Still my grandmother had three great-granddaughters with the same first name. Cool, huh? (We all think so, anyway!)

Poppea

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #57 on: March 29, 2014, 01:07:02 PM »
  My best friend of 15 years, who is NOT pregnant and has only expressed a desire to start a family since I told her we were expecting,

Well...it's a girl!  We really do love the name Charlotte and have decided that our little one will have that name.  My friend is very upset with me.  She feels like I have "stolen" her name and that I am not considering her feelings.  To be honest, I really hadn't.  My reasons for not picking a different name are:
1. She is NOT pregnant and only recently decided she wanted to be.
2. They live on the opposite side of the US and it's not like our children will grow up spending lots of time together.
3. Charlotte is a VERY common name.  It's not like I have picked a unique family name from her family...she just likes it.
4. They may never have children and if they do, they may end up with only boys.  I do not like the idea of renaming my child because she might have one.

I don't think your friends issue is really with the baby's name at all.  To me it looks like she may be trying to compete with and control you.  She's your BFF of 15 years, yet she's trying to upset you about a baby's name?  No interest in kids until you're pregnant? 

Has she always been like this?  If not maybe something else is going on with her emotionally (Problems in her marriage?  Is she upset because you are moving on to a new stage in you life?  With a child and a spouse she becomes less important to you and this is her way of proving that her feelings are more important to you than you husband's feelings? 

I's just stick with "I told you what our two top names were and we chose one of them."

ThistleBird

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #58 on: March 29, 2014, 05:51:26 PM »
Apologies if this has been said already--I skipped part of the thread.

I agree with PPs that the friend is out of line, of course.

My other reaction was, "Why is this even a problem?" Especially with the geographical distance, but honestly I think I'd say the same if you lived across a decent-sized town from each other. What is there in this situation that prevents her naming her kid Charlotte?? I'm mystified.

OK, I lied; I'm not really mystified, but I feel like I should be. Of course, it's about our cultural uniqueness fetish. Deity forbid there be anyone with the same name, anyone with the same dress, etc. OK, stopping myself right here, this isn't a forum for rants on cultural tendencies, but my point is: having the same name as someone you don't even see every day is fine. Even if you do see them every day it's not the end of the world. In fact, kids can have a very different perspective on this from adults: it can seem special to share a name with someone, if you find the person likable. As a child I became best friends with a girl in my church because we had the same first name.

I know it creates some confusion--"Which Mary?"--but there are things you can do. My cousin is named after my mother. When they're together, my cousin goes by a seldom-used nickname (actually the Spanish pronunciation of her name) to differentiate. That's just one example.

So I might say this to the friend if I were the OP: "We don't at all mean to prevent you from naming your child Charlotte if you like! It could be pretty special for our children to share a name.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Reply #59 on: March 29, 2014, 06:26:57 PM »
My coworker and his wife had their second son at a hospital 30 minutes north of town, in her home town.  Her roommate was from hometown.  Roommate named her son the name they had picked out.  So they went with their second choice.  I thought it was kind of weird, seeing as the kids wouldn't be going to the same school, even when they hit high school.  My coworker agreed with me but acquiesced to his wife's wishes.
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