General Etiquette > Dating

The Polite Letdown

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DaDancingPsych:
I went on a first date last night. I had a good time, but I woke up this morning knowing that I just wasn't interested nor ready for anything more (I am coming out of a serious relationship.) At the end of the date, I had indicated that I was interested in a second date, but I just don't want to continue down this road. How do I change my answer? To make matters worse, we were fixed up by a mutual friend... a new friend to me who has been the highlight of my life the last few months. I am worried that my change in attitude will upset her. I don't mean to lead anyone on, but I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

What can I say to my date to indicate that I don't want to move forward (and bonus points if it makes it clear that it really is me!)? He sent me to text message expressing that he had a good time, but I don't know how to respond that I had a good time (because I did), but that doesn't mean that I want another date.

What can I say to my friend that says that her friend was great, but I just don't want to move forward and don't want it to harm our friendship? She really doesn't know about my background and what I am attempting to move on from.

Stricken_Halo:
If his text just said that he had a good time but he's made no attempts to plan a second date, he may not be interested in moving forward either. You can just say "Me too" and leave it at that; if he does take that as a sign that you want to get together again, then you can give your version of the "It's not you, it's me"--explain that you're not ready yet, even though you thought you were. Add some comments about his good points and that he deserves someone who's ready for a rel@tionship, if you wish. If it's possible you could change your mind after you've had more time to recover from your breakup, say so, but don't give him false hope if you really aren't feeling it.

As for your friend, you could say something like, "Mike was very nice and we had a good time, but I've come to realize I'm not ready to date again." I can't see her becoming angry over that.

PastryGoddess:
I would just shoot him a quick text saying that it was nice to meet him too.  If he asks about a second date you can respond that you're not interested in moving forward.  Wish him the best of luck and say goodbye.  Don't offer to be friends.

Your friend has nothing to do with it and I wouldn't even bother contacting her.  If she asks you directly, you can tell her you weren't interested in moving forward with him.  If it harms your friendship, that's on her.  Not you

DaDancingPsych:
I should probably have added that he did mention a second date at the end of the first date and I had indicated that I would be interested. (At the time, I thought I wanted to explore things further, but this morning I realized I didn't want to.) So, I assume that he is going to ask for a second.

bloo:

--- Quote from: PastryGoddess on March 30, 2014, 06:55:34 PM ---I would just shoot him a quick text saying that it was nice to meet him too.  If he asks about a second date you can respond that you're not interested in moving forward.  Wish him the best of luck and say goodbye.  Don't offer to be friends.

Your friend has nothing to do with it and I wouldn't even bother contacting her.  If she asks you directly, you can tell her you weren't interested in moving forward with him.  If it harms your friendship, that's on her.  Not you

--- End quote ---

Again agreeing with PastryGoddess! :)

This has to do with feelings, which wax and wane. One cannot perfectly predict how they're going to feel the next day about something. It's totally reasonable to be a bit mixed up emotionally from one day to the next in your circumstances, OP.

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