Is this weird or am I being immature?

[Angel B.]

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I've posted anything but this has been bothering me and I'm not sure if I have a right to be annoyed by it.

My SO and I are 15 years apart, so there is a bit of a generation gap between us, we also are British and American respectively so there's a cultural one as well(this is more relevant to our friend circles being vastly different). We've been dating for over half a year. I really like to post pictures of us on Facebook, especially since we live apart and usually travel to new places to see each other. However, twice now I've put up a photo of us and one of his friend's fiancees' has commented about her upcoming wedding on the photo, once announcing it and the second time asking if he was coming. My SO is not going to the wedding, but it annoys me that she keeps posting about it on my pictures when I don't know her...I feel like she should privately message him or email him.

Am I being immature? Rereading it now, it seems super petty. He isn't bothered by it, but my SO is very rarely on Facebook since it's banned in the country he lives in.   

[TootsNYC]

My answer: Yes.

Yes, it's weird. And yes, (  ;p    ) you're being immature.

A mature person would say, "What a weirdo! She's sure self-absorbed, and she doesn't really "get" the way Facebook works, does she?"

Which, actually, is what you're doing, so no, maybe you AREN'T immature.

(I confess, anytime someone writes, as their thread topic, "is this X or am I Y?" I always want to say "yes." So thanks for that opportunity!)

[Deetee]

It's just strikes as just a clueless use of Facebook. I'd be a little annoyed at the boyfriend for not just answering her question.

So like the previous poster, yes.

[JenJay]

Let me make sure I understand - You and SO will meet up somewhere to spend time together, you'll take some photos of yourselves, post them to Facebook, and tag him. Then his friend's SO will comment on the picture something completely unrelated to your relationship or the trip where the picture was taken? Not even "Lovely photo, hope to see you at the wedding!" but just "Hey, are you coming to the wedding?"

I think that's weird. I'd probably remove her comment. Maybe she thinks he's posting the photo and she's trying to get in touch or something? She needs to post to his wall or reach him by another means. If she contacts you and asks why you removed her comment I'd say "I thought you posted to my photo by mistake, thinking it was SO's wall. He's not on FB much so if you need to reach him re the wedding try email or text. Best wishes!"

[Harriet Jones]

I'd find it annoying -- I've got a few people on my friends list who do this, sometimes on pictures from months ago.

Is it possible that your settings are such that she can't contact you by PM or wall post?

[menley]

Oh, I hate it when people do that. It happens a LOT to me - I'm an expat and have a lot of expat friends as well, and so lots of times when I post pictures of friends, their relatives comment on the picture... but it's not "oh, nice picture, glad you're making friends"... it's, "hey, did you ever find an apartment in your new city? can we skype this weekend?" And then there's a 10 comment discussion on my photo with others chiming in that they'd love a Skype date too and can't wait to visit our city and... ARGH!

Long story short, I'm right there with you! And I wouldn't say that it's immature to feel that way. It would be immature to make snide comments back, or to delete her comments (in my opinion), but just to feel a bit put out? Nah.

[squeakers]

I am surprised they are commenting on your photo.  Usually when I tag in someone like my husband his friends comment on the copy that shows up on his wall and their replies don't show up on my wall. 

Just checked and I see that if people click the picture on his wall (to make it enlarge) they would be able to comment on my copy of the picture on my wall.

So maybe that is what is happening.  She thinks she's interacting with him because he is on FB (or at least has an FB account) and she is posting to his wall... not realizing she is actually posting to your wall.

As far as the messaging vs posting.. maybe she has messaged him but he doesn't get back to her _because_ he doesn't get on FB much, the layout has changed quite a bit in just the last few months and even if he had a cellphone attached to his FB account so that messaging would get sent to him they can be delayed or go missing (at least that is what my sons' say when I FB message them vs calling them).

[Lynn2000]

It does seem weird that she's commenting on a photo, without actually saying anything about the photo, but rather announcing her own thing. To me that suggests she doesn't know the right way to do what she wants in Facebook, or isn't careful about doing so. It does give the vibe of "taking every opportunity to toot her own horn," but that may just be accidental if she's mistakenly posting the wrong way.

The thing that would annoy me is that it seems like she's trying to get in touch with him, but is using Facebook when he's rarely on it--like she is expecting you to relay messages to him. I wouldn't want to set that precedent. I would probably say ONCE, "Hey SO, Carla posted on my wall and seemed to be talking to you. Can you contact her and let her know a better way to reach you?" Or, with SO's permission, I would pass on more reliable contact info to Carla, and if she continued to contact me (wanting him) I would say, "I dunno, have you emailed him?" or whatever.

[MrTango]

It seems odd that she doesn't realize Facebook isn't a good way to get ahold of him (as you said he can't get on much).

I think you'd be fine to just quietly delete her comments from your photos.

[sweetonsno]

It's certainly a bit odd, but like others, I imagine it's mostly due to not understanding how FB works.

[loopyluna]

I have seen this a few times, and I think it's a lack of understanding of how Facebook works. I expect she sees his name on her newsfeed and thinks she's sending a message to him without understanding how Facebook deals with photos and tags. She may not even realize that photo is from someone else's account. I think you're okay to just delete her comments.

[Angel B.]

I'd find it annoying -- I've got a few people on my friends list who do this, sometimes on pictures from months ago.

Is it possible that your settings are such that she can't contact you by PM or wall post?

She isn't trying to contact me, she's trying to contact my SO. Even though the picture is posted to my profile, he is tagged in it so she can comment on it.

JenJay, yes you're correct, she is literally just commenting to talk about her wedding or ask if he is coming. I mentioned it to him but it was a few days ago, so I don't think he's gotten around to saying anything. I do feel better that while it is immature to be annoyed, it is also weird of her to do it. I'll chalk it up to not knowing how Facebook is supposed to work and just let it be. I'd rather not contact her since I have literally never met her or spoken to her.

[sweetonsno]

I'd find it annoying -- I've got a few people on my friends list who do this, sometimes on pictures from months ago.

Is it possible that your settings are such that she can't contact you by PM or wall post?

She isn't trying to contact me, she's trying to contact my SO. Even though the picture is posted to my profile, he is tagged in it so she can comment on it.

JenJay, yes you're correct, she is literally just commenting to talk about her wedding or ask if he is coming. I mentioned it to him but it was a few days ago, so I don't think he's gotten around to saying anything. I do feel better that while it is immature to be annoyed, it is also weird of her to do it. I'll chalk it up to not knowing how Facebook is supposed to work and just let it be. I'd rather not contact her since I have literally never met her or spoken to her.

You could always respond to it right on FB. Say something like, "Hey, [her name], this went to me instead of [SO]. I'll let him know you wanted to talk to him."

[cicero]

yeah it's weird. like PPs, i assume she doesn't get how FB works; she probably thinks it's your SO's wall that she is seeing.

[Kiwichick]

Change your settings so only your friends can comment on the photos and delete any comments she's already made.