. . . And I have never heard of any friend or family member believing an announcement is a gift grab. So I wouldn't assume my family and friends would automatically assign boorish behavior.
I strongly dislike people not doing their preferred socially acceptable behavior because of a concern of what a small percentage would think.
I see your point--but I have *read* (on a couple of different message boards) people make such an assumption about an announcement.
And I've heard people make the "gift grab" assumption about a graduation announcement.
But in the OP's situation, I think it's perfectly reasonable to send one. I'd just personally want to tweak the format to be less formal.
I see your point, too, Hmmmm (as I usually do!).
But I do object to the bolded. No one said they would "automatically assign boorish behavior" to anyone. There is a lot of space between not even wondering for an instant about the sender's motives and automatically assigning boorish behavior. I hope I would never do the latter. But I might have a question flicker through my mind, because my community is not like yours: I get dozens of invitations every year (no, I'm not so popular, I'm just married to a clergyman!) and never ever any announcements -- it has to be at least 25 years since I've seen one. So I admit I would probably wonder why they sent it if I got one -- and by the way, gift-prompting would not be my only guess.
I also caution you against being too certain that even in your community "only a small percentage" of people might wonder about motives, based upon your never having heard a friend or relative say that they think an announcement is a gift grab. Not only because, as I said above, there can be people wondering but not assuming gift grab, but also because we all know where "I've never heard anyone complain about [cash bars, pot luck weddings, cash registries, registry cards in wedding invitations, etc.]" gets people. Just because people are too polite to criticize their hosts' choices (and your announcement-sending community obviously does have a good sense of etiquette) doesn't mean they don't have opinions.
That still doesn't mean that the OP shouldn't send announcements! My point is just that if you want to be very sure that no one will even wonder about your motives for sending announcements -- not just whether you can console yourself that if they do, they are the ones who are wrong -- then you need to consider carefully how common announcements for weddings like yours are in your
community and ask yourself how people are likely to see them. Because no matter how objectively right you are, you can't control that.
As for letting people know you are keeping your name? Good luck with that, no matter what method you choose! I have been married nearly 32 years and have never
for any purpose used anything but my own last name. Just this week, my mother's boyfriend addressed an envelope to us as "John and Jane Smith" and one of my own very close friends of many years put my name as "Jane Doe Smith" in a cookbook she made for my daughter's shower. She knew my name is Doe, and she certainly wasn't trying to "correct" it, she just had a momentary brain lapse. It happens all the time. I just keep a sense of humor about it and gently correct it when necessary and let it go when it isn't.
In your place, I would either (1) do change of address cards (making your names clear), although that wouldn't clarify that you have married; (2) just mention your marriage, name, and new address some other way, like in a mass email or on facebook or something; (3) give all the info then next time you write to these people for some other reason; or (4) a combination of all the above -- like, facebook message to peers, note in her birthday card to Great Aunt Shirley, emails to lots of others. I would do (4). Not everyone needs all the same information anyway.