Author Topic: Do I tell her?  (Read 2069 times)

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otterwoman

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Do I tell her?
« on: April 04, 2014, 07:24:14 PM »
A friend posted on Facebook about her minor child being punched in the face so hard it sent him to the ER with dizziness and a broken nose. She was asking for recommendations for a doctor to fix the nose. One of the people who commented on her post is also FB friends with me. I am not good friends with him, but he is very good friends with my DH. DH is not on facebook.

The mutual friend's stance on the punch is along the lines of boys will be boys. He copied the entire FB post and replies and emailed it to my DH. This is where I'm torn. I don't know if I should tell my friend about the guy copying her post and emailing it out with commentary. I'd want to know if someone was doing that to me.

However, she is not a defriend quietly type of person. If she was mad about it, she would be flaming mad, and he'd know I told her.

Extra info: he is usually some level of drunk. I am FB friends with him because he is friends with my DH. Luckily he lives over the border; he doesn't come to us, I don't go over there, so I never see him.

So, should I let her know he's sent out her post.

gollymolly2

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2014, 07:48:45 PM »
No. If he'd delisted he whole thing on his wall or something similarly public, I'd consider saying something to her. But he's privately gossiping about it with one person. I'd stay out of it.

Surianne

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2014, 08:10:45 PM »
Hmm, I'm not really understanding the problem here.  The friend is discussing her post privately over email with your husband?  I do that all the time with my friends ("Here's this interesting/crazy/polarizing discussion I saw on Facebook today, what do you guys think?") and since she posted it publicly, I think it's safe to assume it might be discussed.  Is there a reason you think she needs to know? 

shhh its me

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2014, 08:20:45 PM »
Since she posted it its open to comment. It's not nice (I assume he said something snarky )but unless she is planning on marring the guy the info "he said something  mean about you" is not really helpful , it actually really damaging.

alkira6

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2014, 08:58:28 PM »
Why would you create a situation by telling your friend (who is "in your face" when offended) that someone who is not entirely sober is gossiping about her?  What would it solve or contribute to the situation?

veronaz

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2014, 09:26:28 PM »
Same question that alkira6 asked..........
(i.e., OP what is your purpose?)  ???

bloo

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2014, 09:38:37 PM »
Why would you create a situation by telling your friend (who is "in your face" when offended) that someone who is not entirely sober is gossiping about her?  What would it solve or contribute to the situation?

Agree with alkira6 as well.

If you must discuss it, you can have a PM discussion with the Mutual Friend. Since you say you'd want to know if someone was gossiping about you, you could share your thoughts about the appropriateness of the situation directly with him.

And if chances are he wouldn't be sober when you contact him, the convo probably wouldn't be fruitful anyway.

But I wouldn't bother to mention it to other friend. At all.

Millionaire Maria

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2014, 01:32:06 AM »
A friend posted on Facebook about her minor child being punched in the face so hard it sent him to the ER with dizziness and a broken nose. She was asking for recommendations for a doctor to fix the nose. One of the people who commented on her post is also FB friends with me. I am not good friends with him, but he is very good friends with my DH. DH is not on facebook.

The mutual friend's stance on the punch is along the lines of boys will be boys. He copied the entire FB post and replies and emailed it to my DH. This is where I'm torn. I don't know if I should tell my friend about the guy copying her post and emailing it out with commentary. I'd want to know if someone was doing that to me.

However, she is not a defriend quietly type of person. If she was mad about it, she would be flaming mad, and he'd know I told her.

Extra info: he is usually some level of drunk. I am FB friends with him because he is friends with my DH. Luckily he lives over the border; he doesn't come to us, I don't go over there, so I never see him.

So, should I let her know he's sent out her post.

No, but I would file this information on attitude away. And I would find a way to bring it up with not only my DH, but eventually with my friend as well. If I knew someone that was friends with my DH and my friend, that was so dismissive of barbaric behavior among boys, I would want them to know about it. Because I would want to know about it, if I was the friend or husband.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

TabathasGran

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2014, 12:00:15 PM »
No. Nothing to be gained for anyone by doing this.

Hard for me to understand the problem anyway. Posting on Facebook is not like having a private conversation. But person to person email with a friend is something most of us consider more private. he did not betray her trust by having an opinion about her public post and sharing it with your husband. Presumably if your husband was on FB he would have seen it anyway. But if you share a message sent privately to your husband you are in the wrong and betraying the trust of his friend but repeating things he said to an audience for which it was not intended.

Mom taught me the line "It takes both a friend and an enemy to harm us. The enemy to say something cruel and the friend to carry the message back to you."

Frankly, I don't see the problem with his having a different view of this situation and sharing it with your husband. Why would you want to know something like this yourself?

Cherry91

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2014, 12:17:26 PM »
Off topic I know, but I really, really, REALLY hate the "boys will be boys" excuse of bad behaviour. Most commonly trotted out by parents who have spoiled their sons beyond any hope of discipline and are now trying to justify seriously bad behaviour as typical shenanigans instead of having to be "the bad guy" to children they have up until this point enabled.

And where is my "Girls will be girls" get out of jail free card? Oh that's right, I'm actually expected to be a decent member of society.

otterwoman

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Re: Do I tell her?
« Reply #10 on: April 05, 2014, 07:55:48 PM »
OP here: I know it would bother me, that's why I thought to ask. Outside perspective is a wonderful thing. I won't tell her.

Thank you!