Author Topic: Baby shower...without the MTB  (Read 3469 times)

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turnip

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #15 on: April 03, 2014, 06:44:29 PM »
Maybe the etiquette lesson is don't plan large baby showers with out of town guests?  I'm surprised this is a common occurrence, frankly, and at some level people have to realize that a lot can go wrong between the planning of the shower and the day of the shower.

Jones

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #16 on: April 03, 2014, 06:47:22 PM »
In my area, the party would be cancelled and "guests" would visit MTB at their leisure, breaking up the bedrest monotony and having several minutes to exclaim over each gift.

Deetee

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #17 on: April 03, 2014, 06:53:07 PM »
Maybe the etiquette lesson is don't plan large baby showers with out of town guests?  I'm surprised this is a common occurrence, frankly, and at some level people have to realize that a lot can go wrong between the planning of the shower and the day of the shower.

I think this is unfair and (I am not picking on you specifically here, but this reminds me of other causes) I sometimes see opinions on ehell about how one shouldn't have a large birthday party for a one year old or a lavish wedding is a waste of money. When (if you aren't being asked to fund it) people have different priorities and different attitudes towards celebrations.

If someone has a large, loving family that travels cheerfully and a family tradition of large lavish baby showers, why shouldn't they have a big party. FWIW, I've never had a shower as I think they are sorta silly and I actively and rather cleverly avoided them for myself.

This is aside from the question of how much the mom to be's opinion should be taken into account in this event. I hope I was clear above that I don't think it should be dismissed, but I am uncomfortable giving her a veto. 

Deetee

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #18 on: April 03, 2014, 06:55:56 PM »
In my area, the party would be cancelled and "guests" would visit MTB at their leisure, breaking up the bedrest monotony and having several minutes to exclaim over each gift.

Now that sounds lovely. It's perfect! Maybe they could even bring a little snack and have a teeny shower!

I think if the party itself was uncancellable, it would be nice to have the family and friends get together and eat the food and drink and the drink, but leave all the gifts and coordinate the visiting list and times and dates.

Yvaine

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #19 on: April 03, 2014, 07:06:49 PM »
I think the difference here is that I don't consider the GOH to be the mother, but actually to be the baby (who is not really there) so I can see holding a shower even if the mother can't be there.

I disagree with this--I think the fact that we generally hold showers before the baby is born implies that the mother (and sometimes the father) is the GOH. We give gifts to the mother for her to use for the baby, which creates the ambiguity, but I think the GOH is still the mother.

Deetee

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2014, 07:23:00 PM »
I think the difference here is that I don't consider the GOH to be the mother, but actually to be the baby (who is not really there) so I can see holding a shower even if the mother can't be there.

I disagree with this--I think the fact that we generally hold showers before the baby is born implies that the mother (and sometimes the father) is the GOH. We give gifts to the mother for her to use for the baby, which creates the ambiguity, but I think the GOH is still the mother.

I don't disagree entirely, but I was trying to figure out why it seems more wrong to me to have a birthday party without the GOH than a baby shower and I decided it came down to the GOH being different. But there is also the gift factor. In my neck of the woods, no birthday party for an adult would have gifts, so the GOH would get nothing out of the party if they didn't attend.

Nikko-chan

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2014, 07:43:29 PM »
In my area, the party would be cancelled and "guests" would visit MTB at their leisure, breaking up the bedrest monotony and having several minutes to exclaim over each gift.

Now that sounds lovely. It's perfect! Maybe they could even bring a little snack and have a teeny shower!

I think if the party itself was uncancellable, it would be nice to have the family and friends get together and eat the food and drink and the drink, but leave all the gifts and coordinate the visiting list and times and dates.

Maybe this is the solution? Bring an approved snack (if the mother is on a restricted diet for the health of herself and the baby, or any snack if she's not restricted)

Have someone bring both a camera and maybe even a video camera and have each guest come in and give their gift, spend a few moments ooohing and aaaahing, and then that guest leaves and the others come in, and perhaps for a gift for the guests so they can see all the gifts MTB got they can compile them into a file and send the file to the guests?

turnip

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #22 on: April 03, 2014, 07:43:55 PM »
Maybe the etiquette lesson is don't plan large baby showers with out of town guests?  I'm surprised this is a common occurrence, frankly, and at some level people have to realize that a lot can go wrong between the planning of the shower and the day of the shower.

I think this is unfair and (I am not picking on you specifically here, but this reminds me of other causes) I sometimes see opinions on ehell about how one shouldn't have a large birthday party for a one year old or a lavish wedding is a waste of money. When (if you aren't being asked to fund it) people have different priorities and different attitudes towards celebrations.

If someone has a large, loving family that travels cheerfully and a family tradition of large lavish baby showers, why shouldn't they have a big party. FWIW, I've never had a shower as I think they are sorta silly and I actively and rather cleverly avoided them for myself.

This is aside from the question of how much the mom to be's opinion should be taken into account in this event. I hope I was clear above that I don't think it should be dismissed, but I am uncomfortable giving her a veto.

I should be clearer - I love big parties and think people should spend as much as they want on them.  We are on the same side there.  But if you are going to book a restaurant and purchase airfare and a hotel room for a baby shower, you should probably factor in that there is a chance that plans could change, and either make peace with canceling late or finding other things to do on your visit.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2014, 07:56:29 PM »
I'd feel odd being a guest at a shower without at least one of the parents being present. If there is a partner are they going to attend the shower as her stand in? Or will she just be skyped in "at some point", that part feels really odd. Like "if we happen to remember you, we'll skype, but ya know...just for a bit", of course that could also be hospital rules I'd guess.

In my area, the party would be cancelled and "guests" would visit MTB at their leisure, breaking up the bedrest monotony and having several minutes to exclaim over each gift.

I really like this! If it were my friend, I'd want to do this.

blarg314

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #24 on: April 03, 2014, 09:01:42 PM »
In my area, the party would be cancelled and "guests" would visit MTB at their leisure, breaking up the bedrest monotony and having several minutes to exclaim over each gift.

I think that's an ideal solution. Let the out of town visitors come during the period they're in town, and the local visitors cycle through the period until the baby is born. If there is serious worry about the baby's survival, have a friend or family member collect the gifts discreetly, and just do a normal visit.

It also strikes me as rather mean to go through with it. Hospital bedrest is an expensive proposition - doctors tend not to prescribe it lightly. And, judging from friends that have done it, it's simultaneously deadly boring and high anxiety. You're lying in a bed about 23 hours a day - on your side, of course, which severely limits what you can do. Most of that time you're alone. But you're also worried because you know you're there because they are trying to keep the baby in for long enough so that it will have a reasonable chance of surviving intact at birth. Meanwhile, your friends and family are having a lovely party, nominally for you, that you can't attend.


kategillian

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2014, 09:07:44 PM »
Speaking only for myself, I would be hurt beyond words if my friends and family held the party that was supposed to be in my honor without me. especially because I was in the hospital, and probably already feeling pretty down.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #26 on: April 04, 2014, 05:37:28 AM »
Where is the father in all of this?  It's his baby too...

To me the reason a baby shower is held is to celebrate the baby.  Typically someone representing the baby is there, whether its the mother, father, or even baby.  If none of the guests of honor are there, then who are you showering with love and affection?  At this point it sounds like a party with a baby theme.

Jones

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #27 on: April 04, 2014, 08:39:38 AM »
I should mention that after posting yesterday about visiting the MTB on bedrest, I had put "in my area" but I think it's more "in my family".  I haven't been invited to many non family baby showers, only 2, and neither of those involved bedrest.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #28 on: April 04, 2014, 08:58:50 AM »
As for big showers with people coming out of town, at the baby shower for my firstborn I was the guest who had traveled the farthest, as due to DH being in the military, I lived on the opposite coast from all of my family and DH's.  The shower was also held earlier than most are for that reason, too, since most doctors advise against far travel in the last trimester and at the time we hadn't even found out what the gender was yet.

It was also thrown by my mother, which I know is usually a no no but I will say I think that in this case it kinda made sense since she figured it would be a good time to do it and get all the family together.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Allyson

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Re: Baby shower...without the MTB
« Reply #29 on: April 04, 2014, 01:33:25 PM »
Yeah, I think if there's an involved father, he'd have the equal right to go to the party and be the guest of honour. If not...any way to take all the food/decorations and have a different kind of party? That is, have everybody keep their gifts and give them after the baby was born with a different party.

I don't know, I've never known anybody to have a shower even close to that formal, so it's all new to me. :D