Author Topic: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick  (Read 4214 times)

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SamiHami

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2014, 11:26:37 AM »
Thanking people for their gifts is one thing.

Making a charitable donation is another thing.

The two have nothing to do with each other. How does a donation thank a giver for their gift? These people have it all backwards. They should have stated in their invitations "In lieu of gifts for little Hortense, we request that donations be made to charity XXX." You don't get off the hook for thanking people by doing an entirely unrelated thing.

"In lieu of thank you notes, we are going horseback riding!"
"In lieu of thank you notes, we are having our carpets shampooed."
"In lieu of thank you notes, we are getting matching flaming skull tattoos."

Makes just as much sense as what these people are doing. *smh*

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JeanFromBNA

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #16 on: April 15, 2014, 02:36:16 PM »
I hear you, SamiHami.  I wonder what they would have thought if their kid had received an "in lieu of" charity donation notice instead of a red mega-man.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #17 on: April 15, 2014, 04:28:09 PM »
[snip]
"In lieu of thank you notes, we are going horseback riding!"
"In lieu of thank you notes, we are having our carpets shampooed."
"In lieu of thank you notes, we are getting matching flaming skull tattoos."

 ;D You made me laugh.  In lieu of thanking you, I'm going to take a nap.
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blarg314

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #18 on: April 15, 2014, 08:26:33 PM »

So the next time there is a party, everyone RSVPs by saying "In lieu of attending your party, we have made a donation to <cause that benefits us>" and doesn't come.


Seven Ate Nine

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #19 on: April 16, 2014, 09:43:42 AM »
Tea Drinker, thank you for raising donations in lieu of flowers at a funeral.  That strikes me as the only time I would rather give a donation instead of the "normal" thing.  I figure the bereaved only need so many flowers, and the rest could be in the way and even a nuisance.  I am happy to donate to the expenses of the survivors (with funeral and often medical bills) or an educational fund for any minor children or to a research fund for a particular disease, etc..   

Are there other instances like that where it seems generally good and polite to ask for donations in lieu?

Recently there was a surprise birthday party thrown for someone at my church.  The whole congregation was invited.  GoH's mom indicated that in lieu of presents, donations to the church's current project would be appreciated.  I liked that because while the GoH was someone well known in the church, I know that I didn't know her personally well enough to get a gift, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one.  I think the fact that it was the church's fundraiser that we were being asked to donate to, rather than a third party charity, made a difference too.

In general, I wouldn't mind being asked to donate to a cause that was personal to the GoH instead of giving them a present.  By personal, I mean a cause that they volunteer with, or are that they benefit from.

m2kbug

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #20 on: April 16, 2014, 11:22:41 AM »
Thanking people for their gifts is one thing.

Making a charitable donation is another thing.

The two have nothing to do with each other. How does a donation thank a giver for their gift? These people have it all backwards. They should have stated in their invitations "In lieu of gifts for little Hortense, we request that donations be made to charity XXX." You don't get off the hook for thanking people by doing an entirely unrelated thing.

"In lieu of thank you notes, we are going horseback riding!"
"In lieu of thank you notes, we are having our carpets shampooed."
"In lieu of thank you notes, we are getting matching flaming skull tattoos."

Makes just as much sense as what these people are doing. *smh*

Bwahahaha!

These people missed the mark on what "in lieu of" is for.  It should have been "in lieu of gifts, please donate."  They didn't want to deal with thank you notes, which in my experience, never really happens for children's birthday parties anyway (it has happened, though).  I don't know what their motivation was.  To appear to be ever so special and gather some devotion or to try to give back to the children in the school for their generosity towards their child...in an odd way...who knows.  Whatever it is, they don't know what "in lieu of" is. 

Carotte

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #21 on: April 16, 2014, 12:05:54 PM »
So, this only works if all the guests are part of the same class/preschool, but maybe what they meant was: "as a way to thank you all for coming to little Jimmy party, we made a donation to the preschool so that all the (your) kids could enjoy a new furniture/toy/activity..".
But that's not how "in lieu of" works....

Eeep!

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #22 on: April 16, 2014, 12:19:58 PM »
So, this only works if all the guests are part of the same class/preschool, but maybe what they meant was: "as a way to thank you all for coming to little Jimmy party, we made a donation to the preschool so that all the (your) kids could enjoy a new furniture/toy/activity..".
But that's not how "in lieu of" works....

Actually, I had to read the letter a couple times, but I think that the donation was made to some separate charity but in the name of the preschool.  "In lieu of thank-you notes for your gifts, we are making a charitable donation in the name of Janie’s preschool class."  It is unclear if "Janie's preschool class" is also the gifters' class or not. 
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gellchom

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #23 on: April 16, 2014, 04:24:18 PM »
So, this only works if all the guests are part of the same class/preschool, but maybe what they meant was: "as a way to thank you all for coming to little Jimmy party, we made a donation to the preschool so that all the (your) kids could enjoy a new furniture/toy/activity..".
But that's not how "in lieu of" works....
This was kind of my guess, too.  Maybe what they were trying for was something like, "Thank you for the lovely gift.  In appreciation, little Tommy is making a contribution to the Little Lamb Preschool in honor of his friends."  As if they thought "in lieu of ..." meant "by way of thanking you," not "instead of thanking you."

So if that's what this was an attempt to do, I think that their wording was unfortunate, but I don't find it egregious -- especially because if the kid opened the gifts and thanked the givers in person, thank you notes weren't necessary anyway.  But if they really did mean "instead of thanking you," then I think it's strange.

VorFemme

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #24 on: April 16, 2014, 06:19:06 PM »
"I do not think that means what you think it means" definitely applies here.

Homage to The Princess Bride intended.

Seriously, their comment makes no logical sense.

I prefer the "in lieu of thank you notes, we're going horse back riding" would at least be good exercise.
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sammycat

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Re: another twist on the "donations in lieu of" shtick
« Reply #25 on: April 16, 2014, 09:49:49 PM »
I don't think that "thank you" notes are obligatory for a child's birthday party gifts, providing the guests were thanked in person at the party.  So really there was no reason for the parents to send an email. They just as easily could have used the email to say "Thanks for coming to little Alfred's party. He's talked about nothing else since" and kept their donation private (cuz who cares?).

I'd file the incident under "odd behavior" and forget about it.

I agree.

It sounds as those these people want to receive 'kudos' for their donation, which really has zero to do with whether they thank (or not) people for the birthday presents.