Author Topic: How do you sympathize? Do you?  (Read 6850 times)

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kategillian

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #30 on: April 09, 2014, 10:07:19 AM »
I'm sorry, this woman is a TEACHER? How inappropriate. Didn't Nirvana have a song called'Ra** Me'? Regardless of the songs actual meaning, I would be FURIOUS if someone played that for my 14 year. This llama needs to get a grip. If this is actually affecting her work to the point that other people have to cover for her, I would absolutely talk to the principal, or whomever is her superior.

Zizi-K

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #31 on: April 09, 2014, 10:19:48 AM »
I agree with all the PPs that this woman is just doing it for attention (or has a disorder) and that the best thing is to ignore, ignore, ignore.

But regarding Nirvana themselves - I was 14 when R-pe me came out, listened to it plenty of times, and I turned out alright. I'm not saying it should be played at school - it shouldn't. I actually can't think of an instance when music was played at school outside of the marching band or aerobics class, in any case. But let's not overstate the power of a song.

Redsoil

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #32 on: April 09, 2014, 10:21:09 AM »
Unprofessional in the extreme.
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Coley

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #33 on: April 09, 2014, 10:23:31 AM »
I have a friend who is a major fangirl for many celebrities/music groups/sports players. She takes it too far, IMO, with weeks of posts about the loss, how she will remember them, etc. Yes, she has called out of work before because she was too upset.

I can't comprehend that level of emotional distress over a stranger. Mass disasters and tragedies get to me, but not the death of a celebrity.

I would never let it affect my professional life.

What can the administration do? And is a Nirvana t-shirt appropriate apparel for a middle school teacher?

My DS is a 7th grader. If one of his teachers came to work on a Tuesday wearing a Nirvana T-shirt, I would assume it was because they were having some kind of theme day, like Favorite Music Group day. Sometimes they have Favorite Sports Team day or Hat Day or whatnot. It would not occur to me that the teacher was in mourning. I don't know if it would occur to the kids that the teacher was mourning.

DS and I saw black retro Nirvana T-shirts at Bullseye Store the other day. I said, "Look! Nirvana shirts!" DS was completely disinterested in them. He has no attachment whatsoever to Nirvana.

Winterlight

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #34 on: April 09, 2014, 10:24:35 AM »
It may be that it's "safe" to be this emotional about these people, precisely because she doesn't know them.
   There may be something she gets from this that is not just "lots of attention."

But let's not armchair diagnose. Partly because it doesn't change how you respond. (though it might affect how much sympathy versus annoyance you feel)

I remember when Diana, Princess of Wales, died, there was a lot of that kind of grieving. People were interviewed saying that they couldn't cry when (personal sad thing) happened but they could cry for her.
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ladyknight1

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #35 on: April 09, 2014, 10:25:21 AM »
DS is in 10th grade and I was racking my memory to recall what his middle school teachers wore. Most was business casual, even the athletics coaches wore a polo every day.

m2kbug

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #36 on: April 09, 2014, 10:31:30 AM »
I think the only thing I would do is avoid this woman as much as humanly possible, especially if I know there is a celebrity death or if she appears sad.  I wouldn't want to say anything that could trigger her.  This is coming from someone who can be sensitive and thrown off kilter over someone I don't even know, but this person's behavior is way over the top.  I'm surprised this type of behavior is allowed to continue in her profession and that she isn't told to go home.  Does she miss a lot of work over this sort of thing? 

No, I don't think you're being insensitive.  I think you're trying to avoid a situation that you have little tolerance for and makes you uncomfortable as politely as possible.  I think, if cornered, I would ultimately listen and break away as quickly as I could with some task that is of importance - I need to get to my grading, parent phone calls, organize the field trip, lesson plan...anything.  I would be fine to cover her classes if it wasn't a continuous or consistent problem, and then I would probably say something to my supervisor.  I really can't think of anything to do other than just try to avoid it like you have been.

kategillian

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #37 on: April 09, 2014, 10:57:58 AM »
Quote from: Zizi-K link=topic=133122.msg3133268#msg3133268 date

But regarding Nirvana themselves - I was 14 when R-pe me came out, listened to it plenty of times, and I turned out alright. I'm not saying it should be played at school - it shouldn't.

I'm sure all of these kids will turn out all right as well, and, as I said, I'm aware that is not the literal meaning of this song. (And we don't even know if she played it.) I do think that parents should be involved when potentially misunderstood material is presented to their children. If it was at the mall or a party, that's one thing. But this was at school.
(Also, I love Nirvanas music, I'm absolutely not picking on them)

fountainof

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #38 on: April 09, 2014, 11:13:10 AM »
I probably wouldn't be bothered by the music per se as my 5 y/o likes some Marilyn Manson songs DH likes but the fact that she is not teaching to sit there and mourn in front of the kids is the real problem.  If you really have that much pain that your cannot do your job maybe a short term leave is necessary to address it.

I will admit I also have a problem with how some of these celebrities died.  While tragic, a significant portion are self-inflicted to some extent so I just cannot feel the same sympathy/empathy as I would to someone who died of Cancer. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #39 on: April 09, 2014, 11:55:01 AM »
It may be that it's "safe" to be this emotional about these people, precisely because she doesn't know them.
   There may be something she gets from this that is not just "lots of attention."

But let's not armchair diagnose. Partly because it doesn't change how you respond. (though it might affect how much sympathy versus annoyance you feel)

I remember when Diana, Princess of Wales, died, there was a lot of that kind of grieving. People were interviewed saying that they couldn't cry when (personal sad thing) happened but they could cry for her.

That happened within the first week of my freshman year of college and some people were getting very tied up in it, emotionally. I think the only part that got to me was watching the funeral and seeing the little card on top of her casket that said "Mum".  That made me tear up.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

jaxsue

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #40 on: April 09, 2014, 01:24:30 PM »
I think it goes beyond just whether you sympathize with her. This habit is affecting her work.

Quote
She sad in the nurse's office and cried (others covered her classes).

Others had to cover her classes because she was upset about the passing of someone she doesn't know personally? And her work is affected every time a celebrity dies? I mean, yeah, if it were a relative or close friend, absolutely, I'd sympathize and help out if she was incapacitated with grief. For Patrick Swayze or Heath Ledger? No way I'd agree to cover her class unless I was going to get comp time for it.

Your bosses are ok with her apparent inability to do her job for (what I would consider) frivolous reasons?

How did she take it yesterday when Mickey Rooney died?

That was what I wondered, too. How often can one do this and not lose a job?  :P

jaxsue

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #41 on: April 09, 2014, 01:25:45 PM »
I'm reminded of the scene in the movie Airplane! where people are lining up to slap a hysterical passenger.   ;D

Love that scene!  :)

MrTango

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #42 on: April 09, 2014, 04:35:43 PM »
This is a performance issue that her boss should not tolerate. If I had an employee who acted that way, I'd give them an ultimatum:

"You need to behave in a professional manner while at work.  If you are unable to do so, then you may take a sick day.  You have five minutes to compose yourself, clean up, and return to your duties.  If you cannot do that and maintain your composure for the rest of the work day, you will be sent home and your absence will be treated as a sick-day."

Also, a Nirvana t-shirt (or any t-shirt, for that matter) is inappropriate for a teacher to wear while teaching.

jackie jormp jomp

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #43 on: April 09, 2014, 07:27:13 PM »
 :o :o ???
Is all I got.  I wouldn't be able to bear giving her the attention she craves... But speaking to your supervisor if it is making for a difficult workplace would be appropriate.

Dr. F.

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Re: How do you sympathize? Do you?
« Reply #44 on: April 09, 2014, 08:31:54 PM »
I wouldn't. Sympathize, that is.

I actually met Kurt Cobain, on the day he hooked up with Courtney, in fact. He noted that our birthdays were 10 days apart, same year.  I always felt somewhat akin to him. Not that anyone would be likely to remember me  from those days - especially the way I look now, LOL!

I was saddened, but not overly surprised, when I heard of his death. I had well moved on from that scene at that point. I would be surprised if any of his friends or family mourned this anniversary quite as much as your friend.

In short, she's waaaay OTT. I note that she focuses on youngish men who died before their times. They're an easy choice to expend emotional energy without having to deal with any reality, perhaps? I don't know. But the sooner she snaps out of this nonsense, the better, particularly as she's dealing with 7th graders, who tend to be drama-llamas at the best of times. In a 7th grader, such foolishness is understandable. In an adult, supposedly guiding 7th graders? It's completely absurd and embarrassing.