Author Topic: Sending thank you cards late  (Read 706 times)

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etiquette

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Sending thank you cards late
« on: June 14, 2014, 06:46:26 PM »
We got married in December of last year.  We received many monetary gifts.  However, we've yet to send thank you cards.  To summarize, we just caught up in the everyday events of married life.  My plan was send photos of either us or photos that the guests took with us on the wedding, but we got the photos in April.

I still think about this everyday.  I'm afraid that if we send the cards now, people will be offended.  Is it worth sending thank you cards now?  If we should send the cards, what can say in the cards?
« Last Edit: June 14, 2014, 07:46:13 PM by etiquette »

TootsNYC

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Re: Sending thank you cards late
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2014, 07:27:40 PM »
Don't send thank-you notes. Send a short note with an update.

Dear Uncle Joe and Aunt Jane:
I was thinking the other day about our wedding, and what a wonderful time is was. We were so glad you were able to be there. Married life is really great--in so many subtle ways. I thought I'd let you know that we used the money you gave us to finally buy a sofa, and we think of you often when we sit on it in exhaustion after the workday. Thank you so much for that gift--it has really added to our home.
    I hope you both are well, and we look forward to seeing you at the BBQ on the Fourth.
Love, Me.


Something like that. But get them out now, before it's a whole year.

And when your friends are planning their weddings, add your voice to the chorus of etiquette experts that says do *not not not* wait until you get the pictures to write the notes. Nobody cares about the pictures; they care about the notes.

(OK, OK, some people care about the pictures, but most people took them on the cell phones anyway, or they can download them from Facebook if you post them there, so just write the note.)

etiquette

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Re: Sending thank you cards late
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2014, 07:46:51 PM »
Thank you, that's very reasonable.

gellchom

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Re: Sending thank you cards late
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2014, 03:13:25 PM »
Late is way, WAY better than never!  Really the biggest difference is your own discomfort. The longer you let it go, the harder it is.

Write as fast as possible.  Do it the way Toots suggests, or just as regular thank you notes. 

Do not apologize and definitely don't explain.  That makes it about you instead if them and seems like asking them to absolve you.  I understand what you meant about getting caught up in married life.  But it could very easily come off like "the minutiae of our everyday lives was more interesting and important to us than expressing our gratitude to you."  And anyway, it's not like that's a special circumstance for newlyweds -- unlike, say, prolonged hospitalization or military deployment.

It's not so bad.  You won't win any promptness prizes, true, but I'll bet yours won't be the latest your guests have ever gotten!
« Last Edit: June 15, 2014, 03:27:13 PM by gellchom »

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Sending thank you cards late
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2014, 06:57:11 PM »
Send them.

I probably don't remember every person who failed to send me a thank you note, but I certainly remember some of them.  I'd think better of the person for sending the TY, even if it came 10 years late.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

etiquette

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Re: Sending thank you cards late
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2014, 07:40:18 PM »
What kind of stationary should I get for this?  A blank card that we'll just include Toots's message?  I had bought thank you cards a while back, but I'm not sure if I can use them.

gellchom

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Re: Sending thank you cards late
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2014, 07:59:38 PM »
Just any kind of letter paper or note cards.  They don't have to say "thank you" on the front, and according to Miss Manners, they shouldn't.  Any plain or personalized stationery or any pretty notecards you like will be fine. 




TootsNYC

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Re: Sending thank you cards late
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2014, 08:08:36 PM »
The reason I'd vote for not using specialized stationery that says "Thank You" on them is that it really points out how long it's been. It labels the correspondence as "an official thank-you note," instead of it being just "a letter from etiquette that also thanks me for my gift."

And so I think it draws an arrow to your rudeness. There's no "deniability."

But you could use the "Thank you" one and make it a regular thank-you note.

I think Miss Manners would probably suggest saying, "I've been remiss in not thanking you earlier--what a generous gift you gave us. It has helped us to buy a sofa/downpayment/new bed linens, and we still remember how lovely it was to see you at the wedding."
    So, one _very_ short mention of the lateness.
    If you did that, and are acknowledging the lateness, then you could use the "Thank You" ones.

But plain ones are fine as well.