Author Topic: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?  (Read 1012 times)

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omjulie

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I'm sure this is a fairly common problem, but we got a few gifts at our wedding that didn't have any information on them indicating who they're from. I'm not sure if cards were separated from packages in transit or what happened. In one case, the gift was distinctive enough that we were able to guess who gave it to us (he later explained that he just forgot to write anything on the package...), but the others are more general or come from the registry, so they could come from any number of people. Does anyone have a good suggestion for figuring out who the "unclaimed" gifts came from? I'd try matching them to the guest list and contacting people we don't currently have gifts from, but we actually have quite a few friends we assumed likely wouldn't be able to bring a gift due to their financial situations (which we aren't bothered by). It's possible that those friends all chipped in together on one gift, but I'd rather not reach out and risk an awkward situation if they weren't able to bring anything. It's also possible that other guests didn't give a gift for any other reason, and I don't want to seem like I'm scolding anyone for that either.

Any suggestions for how I can gracefully figure out the givers of these gifts? Right now I'm thinking of posting something on Facebook (not all of our invitees are Facebook users, but many of them are) and say something like, "We got x and y gifts for our wedding, but can't see who they came from! If you know who gave us x or y, will you please message me? I'd love to be able to think of you when I use them - and express our gratitude individually, as well." Would there be any problem with that?
« Last Edit: June 23, 2014, 08:01:38 PM by omjulie »

katycoo

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2014, 08:15:27 PM »
What kind of registry did you have?  A store might be able to fill in some gaps there.

Mergatroyd

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2014, 08:24:39 PM »
If it was sent by the store they should have some record of sale? Otherwise, FB might be a good idea. It might seem a bit off though, would you be able to re-wrap it and post a pic of the wrapped item, calling it a mystery gift and asking for the gifter to come forward to be properly thanked?

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2014, 08:37:55 PM »
I would just post on fb saying cards were separated from packages, you received X Y and Z and would love to know who sent them so they can be thanked properly.

I imagine reasonable people would understand sometimes things happen.
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green.and.blue

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2014, 09:24:00 PM »
I like your facebook posting idea!

sammycat

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2014, 09:50:07 PM »
I would just post on fb saying cards were separated from packages, you received X Y and Z and would love to know who sent them so they can be thanked properly.

I imagine reasonable people would understand sometimes things happen.

I think this is a good idea. Hopefully those gift givers have Facebook, and will sing out.

It's for this very type of reason that I always write what my present is on the back or inside left side of the card when giving someone a present, and appreciate it when people do the same in reverse.

Elfmama

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2014, 11:55:20 PM »
I would just post on fb saying cards were separated from packages, you received X Y and Z and would love to know who sent them so they can be thanked properly.

I imagine reasonable people would understand sometimes things happen.

I think this is a good idea. Hopefully those gift givers have Facebook, and will sing out.

It's for this very type of reason that I always write what my present is on the back or inside left side of the card when giving someone a present, and appreciate it when people do the same in reverse.
Good idea. If possible, put your name on a sheet of paper  inside the box, as well.   When DH's niece was married, MIL was already in the mid-stages of Alzheimer's.   She got the notion fixed in her head that the basket prepared to hold cards should hold all the cards that the HC got. Including those taped to packages.   So as soon as she was unobserved, she ripped all of them off and helpfully put them in the basket.  Like a lot of people, we didn't indicate which was ours other than a card taped to the box.   We got a generic "Dear Uncle and Aunt, thank you for the thoughtful gift.  We'll really enjoy it."   
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omjulie

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2014, 01:33:14 AM »
One gift had a gift receipt in it, but no name on the outside (or inside)...we asked at the store and they told us they couldn't tell us who purchased it.  ::) This is the nice thing about the Amazon registry - it's got a "thank yous" tab that tells you who bought what.

We did have quite a few children at the reception and I'm wondering if some of them tried to "help" and wound up separating cards from packages (to place in the card box), except that the only card I can remember that didn't have some kind of gift inside came from a friend who shipped us a gift before the wedding. It's all very mysterious.

Anyway, good to know that a Facebook message wouldn't be out of line for the crowd at ehell, at least.

Lynn2000

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2014, 10:58:00 AM »
I agree the Facebook message seems appropriate. I don't think you have to make it too long. "Hey guys, we're working on the TY notes for our wedding, and we have a few gifts whose givers we can't identify." If you've already sent the rest of your TY notes, you could leave unsaid what the gifts are, and just ask that people who haven't gotten a TY note from you message you about their gift. Or, you could specifically say, "There's a blue Kitchenaid mixer, a white toaster, and some brown bath towels." I'd start with two or three items and see if that shakes people loose--someone might tell you, "Hey, I gave you a set of kitchen utensils. I was second-guessing myself about whether the card would stay attached, so I wanted to let you know." And then that might take care of another mystery gift.

You could also circulate your question around your family/social circle--like designate a close friend or family member to investigate. Of course, they shouldn't be interrogating people about what they gave, but rather asking, "They got a blue Kitchenaid mixer--any idea who that might be from?"

I think it's good to make an effort, but if in the end you still have a couple gifts unaccounted for, there's no need to stress about it, IMO.
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gellchom

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Re: Gifts without names on them...how do we find out who to thank?
« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2014, 12:09:06 PM »
I would just post on fb saying cards were separated from packages, you received X Y and Z and would love to know who sent them so they can be thanked properly.

I imagine reasonable people would understand sometimes things happen.

This.

Yet another good reason for the etiquette rule that you're supposed to send the gift before or after the wedding rather than bring it to the wedding. 

If you just have to bring it, you can put the card or tag inside the wrapping, not taped to the outside or, worse, just tucked under the ribbon or placed on top.  OP, look inside the mystery boxes - maybe some of the givers did that.