Author Topic: Poor etiquette or not?  (Read 6982 times)

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shhh its me

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Re: Poor etiquette or not?
« Reply #75 on: April 15, 2014, 08:11:43 PM »
Every wedding I've been to has a cash bar. Soft drinks, tea and coffee are usually free and each table has a bottle of bubbly for the toast, everything else you pay for.

When I was looking at getting married, most of the wedding packages were tailored this way. The cost of the package included the meals and the table bottles of wine, but it was just assumed that the guests would pay for the bar.

This is probably the best clue as to whats the norm in your (general you) area.   I could only find one out of more then 10 venues that even offered the possibility of guests paying for the own drinks.   They would not offer or display things not covered by the hosts but if a guest asked for drink X the answer would be "The hosts have provide A B C you may purchase X."

Oh Joy

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Re: Poor etiquette or not?
« Reply #76 on: April 15, 2014, 08:30:00 PM »

I do admit to being very curious how the not-giving played out.  Here it is the norm to leave cards and gifts at a table (with a basket or more secure container for cards since they likely include a monetary gift) when entering the reception venue. 

A gift is not the entry fee to a reception.  Sometimes the card/gift table is near the door, sometimes it's on another wall.  I've been known to have the card in my purse, or SO's pocket and it's not until midway into the reception that we remembered to put it in the box/basket.

Of course it's not.  I think it's intended to A) relieve the guests from needing to carry the card and/or gift any longer than necessary, and to B) not have the HC be given a card and/or gift during the reception and then need to find a secure place to put it.  Also, I've found that the venue itself usually takes responsibility for clearing the table into a locked or supervised room sometime early in the evening.  I'm sure these practices vary, but it's what I'm familiar with.

jackie jormp jomp

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Re: Poor etiquette or not?
« Reply #77 on: April 15, 2014, 09:38:10 PM »
I'd be very anoyed, too. But a gift is not supposed to be a recompensation for the reception. It is optonal, but justifying it on the basis of having to pay for drinks is not good ettiquette.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Poor etiquette or not? More info post #63
« Reply #78 on: April 15, 2014, 10:17:31 PM »
This is my original FB post

I was having a conversation with a co worker today and we were discussing etiquette in regards to weddings, wedding and baby showers. She felt that cash bars in any sense were rude, you should only have one shower period, and that the bride or mother to be shouldn't plan there shower. What are your opinions?




I received several responses
Mine- i think cash bars for alcohol are fine, but I don't think your guest should have to pay for the soda, tea, coffee, or non alcoholic choices. I think that each child should be celebrated, but when you have quite a bit of children 9-12 months apart after awhile what else could you possibly need.
Yesterday at 5:37pm Like



Hers-I definitely don't think cash bars are rude, a lot of money goes into having a wedding an as a bride /groom you should choose how you want to spend that money. Especially if you attended a wedding didn't bring a gift or spend any money you should have really no complaints about paying for pop , juice etc.
Yesterday at 9:09pm Like



But these are mine and hers

So only a couple of months after attending her wedding where she had a cash bar, you began a discussion of the etiquette of cash bars, and specifically said they were rude. Where the bride would see the comment.

I think having a completely cash bar and providing only water is bad hosting.

And her commenting on your post is your own fault, I'm afraid. You mentioned something specifically that she did not long ago, that mutual friends would know that she did, and publicly said you thought it was rude. Not at all surprising that she hit back.

But the OP didn't actually say that she thought cash bars are rude. She simply said that she doesn't think guests should have to pay for non-alcoholic drinks. I'm reading quite a bit of defensiveness in the Bride's response. Like she knows she was a poor hostess, and is getting narky about being called out on it (or so she perceives).

katycoo

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Re: Poor etiquette or not? More info post #63
« Reply #79 on: April 15, 2014, 10:44:00 PM »
But the OP didn't actually say that she thought cash bars are rude. She simply said that she doesn't think guests should have to pay for non-alcoholic drinks. I'm reading quite a bit of defensiveness in the Bride's response. Like she knows she was a poor hostess, and is getting narky about being called out on it (or so she perceives).

It has the same effect though.

"I don't think people should do X" when her friend did exactly that.

Ceallach

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Re: Poor etiquette or not? More info post #63
« Reply #80 on: April 16, 2014, 12:05:13 AM »
But the OP didn't actually say that she thought cash bars are rude. She simply said that she doesn't think guests should have to pay for non-alcoholic drinks. I'm reading quite a bit of defensiveness in the Bride's response. Like she knows she was a poor hostess, and is getting narky about being called out on it (or so she perceives).

It has the same effect though.

"I don't think people should do X" when her friend did exactly that.

I agree.    I know, based on my friends list, that posting on certain topics will upset certain people.   Obviously I don't live my life trying to protect every single person's feelings, but the fact is - if I *know* X person has done Y and I plan on posting  that Y is wrong, I should expect X person may be offended by that.   It's fairly common sense.  I'd be surprised if the OP didn't at least have that wedding a teeny bit in her mind when she posted that, given the other offences of the event and that it is still relatively recent (3 months isn't that long since a wedding).

It doesn't magically make the bride right or her choices right, I still think it's horribly poor hosting and will make her wedding remembered for all the wrong reasons.   But nor do I think she's rude for defending herself... most people tend to defend their choices!   
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CakeEater

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Re: Poor etiquette or not? More info post #63
« Reply #81 on: April 16, 2014, 12:46:38 AM »
This is my original FB post

I was having a conversation with a co worker today and we were discussing etiquette in regards to weddings, wedding and baby showers. She felt that cash bars in any sense were rude, you should only have one shower period, and that the bride or mother to be shouldn't plan there shower. What are your opinions?




I received several responses
Mine- i think cash bars for alcohol are fine, but I don't think your guest should have to pay for the soda, tea, coffee, or non alcoholic choices. I think that each child should be celebrated, but when you have quite a bit of children 9-12 months apart after awhile what else could you possibly need.
Yesterday at 5:37pm Like



Hers-I definitely don't think cash bars are rude, a lot of money goes into having a wedding an as a bride /groom you should choose how you want to spend that money. Especially if you attended a wedding didn't bring a gift or spend any money you should have really no complaints about paying for pop , juice etc.
Yesterday at 9:09pm Like



But these are mine and hers

So only a couple of months after attending her wedding where she had a cash bar, you began a discussion of the etiquette of cash bars, and specifically said they were rude. Where the bride would see the comment.

I think having a completely cash bar and providing only water is bad hosting.

And her commenting on your post is your own fault, I'm afraid. You mentioned something specifically that she did not long ago, that mutual friends would know that she did, and publicly said you thought it was rude. Not at all surprising that she hit back.

But the OP didn't actually say that she thought cash bars are rude. She simply said that she doesn't think guests should have to pay for non-alcoholic drinks. I'm reading quite a bit of defensiveness in the Bride's response. Like she knows she was a poor hostess, and is getting narky about being called out on it (or so she perceives).

No, but she said, 'You shouldn't do X,' when X is something her friend did at her wedding not long ago.