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  • December 14, 2017, 07:11:38 PM

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Author Topic: When family behaviour affects you  (Read 14683 times)

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TurtleDove

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #30 on: April 14, 2014, 10:14:20 AM »
Either way, the married adult woman has the right to live in a non-smoking home and has the responsibility to provide it for herself.

The bolded, absolutely. 

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #31 on: April 14, 2014, 10:18:55 AM »
I totally agree with Vall. 

Obviously, grandpa's smoking was not a secret from MTB.  And unless he has gone back on a promise he made to her, then I can't see him as rude.

I am a total non-smoker, but quitting can be extremely hard for some people.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #32 on: April 14, 2014, 10:50:47 AM »
I wonder if Grandpa to be resents having his daughter move back in and that's why he's being such a pill.

I don't think MTB has a leg to stand on, unless her father said he wouldn't smoke in the house and has now reneged on that promise but I do think that he is a complete bacon-fed-knave for not doing everything he can to protect the health of his grandchild.  Sure, quitting is very difficult.  But it isn't that difficult to go smoke outside, instead of in the house.  Set up a small shelter with a tarp or something if there is no other spot to stay relatively out of the weather.  I realize it is his house and he has the right to smoke wherever he likes but I just can't wrap my head around someone purposely endangering the health of someone they love.

We don't know enough about the circumstances that forced the MTB to move back in with her parents; it must have been a very difficult decision.  But I would advise her to do everything in her power to get moved out to a safer environment for her and her child.  Does she qualify for social assistance?  Will her husband soon be able to start sending money home?  Will the organization he works for that sent him away from home help her out to find more suitable housing?
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Redneck Gravy

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #33 on: April 14, 2014, 10:55:15 AM »
Either way, the married adult woman has the right to live in a non-smoking home and has the responsibility to provide it for herself.

The bolded, absolutely.

My pod too.

My DH returned to my home pregnant with no father in the picture at the time.  I smoked in my bedroom with the windows open year round - but of course you could smell it throughout the whole house.  She wanted me to stop smoking indoors immediately.   

Uhhh - no, this is my home I am generously allowing you to live here completely free.  You don't come in here and dictate to me what I can and cannot do in my own home.  Once grandchild arrived and he had asthma problems I did quit smoking inside - by my own choice, for his health, not because it was ordered of me. 

I, now once again, live alone and still do not smoke in my home. And I have cut down to four cigarettes a day, soon I will be a non smoker (but I hope to NEVER be judgmental about other smokers).     

jaxsue

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #34 on: April 14, 2014, 10:56:18 AM »
Personally, I hate the smell of cig smoke, and would live in a cardboard box before I lived in a house with a heavy smoker, but this is his house. She knew that going in, and has to accept thing as they are or find other options.

cass2591

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #35 on: April 14, 2014, 01:33:53 PM »
Why have a child if you cannot provide the proper home for her/him?

It's all on her and the father of the child.

Don't have kids until you can support them.

You, nor I, have any idea of the circumstances involved. All I can say is if there is anybody out there whose life has gone strictly according to one's plan, congratulations.
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LeveeWoman

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #36 on: April 14, 2014, 01:40:48 PM »
Why have a child if you cannot provide the proper home for her/him?

It's all on her and the father of the child.

Don't have kids until you can support them.

You, nor I, have any idea of the circumstances involved. All I can say is if there is anybody out there whose life has gone strictly according to one's plan, congratulations.

It hasn't for me in every respect, and I have more than a few regrets.

I apologize to those I offended.

Sophia

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #37 on: April 14, 2014, 03:12:31 PM »
If I were the mother.  I would buy an air cleaner designed for cigarette smoke and hole up in my bedroom for the first 6 months, then find  my own place. 

FauxFoodist

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #38 on: April 14, 2014, 03:27:34 PM »
This might be a weird suggestion, but she could always set up camp outside if it's springtime in her area (when my friend and his GF wanted to stay with Friend's parents for the summer 20+ years ago, Friend's parents told them they could not stay in the same room so Friend and GF set up a tent in the backyard and stayed there).

Katana_Geldar

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #39 on: April 14, 2014, 03:54:04 PM »
As I said, I don't have a lot of information on this issue. I've looked for updates but there have been none. So I don't know if the MTB's husband is in the military or exactly what her circumstances are, only that she can't move out.

What I do know is she didn't demand her father quit smoking, she asked if he would refrain from smoking while she was around.

TurtleDove

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #40 on: April 14, 2014, 03:57:26 PM »
What I do know is she didn't demand her father quit smoking, she asked if he would refrain from smoking while she was around.

Since it is his home, I think she can ask this, but she needs to accept no for an answer also.  If that is not acceptable to her, she needs to move out.

guihong

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #41 on: April 14, 2014, 04:24:15 PM »
This might be a weird suggestion, but she could always set up camp outside if it's springtime in her area (when my friend and his GF wanted to stay with Friend's parents for the summer 20+ years ago, Friend's parents told them they could not stay in the same room so Friend and GF set up a tent in the backyard and stayed there).

I'm assuming this is in Australia, which is going into winter. 



TinyVulgarUnicorn

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #42 on: April 14, 2014, 05:06:50 PM »
What I do know is she didn't demand her father quit smoking, she asked if he would refrain from smoking while she was around.

Since it is his home, I think she can ask this, but she needs to accept no for an answer also.  If that is not acceptable to her, she needs to move out.

Ditto.  His house - his rules.



CakeEater

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #43 on: April 14, 2014, 05:59:57 PM »
I wonder if Grandpa to be resents having his daughter move back in and that's why he's being such a pill.

I don't think MTB has a leg to stand on, unless her father said he wouldn't smoke in the house and has now reneged on that promise but I do think that he is a complete bacon-fed-knave for not doing everything he can to protect the health of his grandchild.  Sure, quitting is very difficult.  But it isn't that difficult to go smoke outside, instead of in the house.  Set up a small shelter with a tarp or something if there is no other spot to stay relatively out of the weather.  I realize it is his house and he has the right to smoke wherever he likes but I just can't wrap my head around someone purposely endangering the health of someone they love.


I think once you agree to let someone move into your home, it becomes their living space as well, and the home owner needs to be willing to adjust a little on any number of things. Given how terribly bad smoking is for everyone concerned, particularly your unborn grandchild who has no control over whether they inhale smoke or not,  I can't understand how someone wouldn't agree to smoke outside for a while.

cass2591

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Re: When family behaviour affects you
« Reply #44 on: April 14, 2014, 06:32:57 PM »
Why have a child if you cannot provide the proper home for her/him?

It's all on her and the father of the child.

Don't have kids until you can support them.

You, nor I, have any idea of the circumstances involved. All I can say is if there is anybody out there whose life has gone strictly according to one's plan, congratulations.

It hasn't for me in every respect, and I have more than a few regrets.

I apologize to those I offended.
 


Perhaps you can learn to be more sensitive while you apologize to "those you offended".
There is no pie in Nighthawks, which is why it's such a desolate image. ~ Happy Stomach

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~ Mark Twain

Adopting a pet won't change the world, but it will change the world for that pet.


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