Author Topic: How much warning do you need to give before stopping traditions?  (Read 2788 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: How much warning do you need to give before stopping traditions?
« Reply #30 on: April 28, 2014, 03:56:35 PM »

I'd be thinking, "Really? In May, you already know for sure what your Christmas plans are?"


Well... yeah actually I do know what my Christmas plans are pretty much the day after Christmas. Unless my parents die then I am expecting to go down to their house and visit with them over the holiday. I expect most people have traditions like that and so "know" what their plans will be far in advance.

But the OP doesn't, really--or if she does, it's the gathering she's trying to cancel.

I do think you can say something once you truly know for sure. And, it's April already, late April even, so it's not as likely to be a "ew, that was awful, I'm never doing Christmas that way again!"

Though, since she did have conflicting events, she could easily have said immediately, "I'll be going to family again next year, and it's just too hard to try to do this too, so I'm not going to. We'll get together some other time." Then it's not about "I hated the whole gathering."

I am the OP! SO yes the op does know what her plans are for next Christmas.

The reason I didn't say that I didn't want to do it again next year was because I knew that ex-friend looked forward to the event and that was her big Christmas thing. And I didn't want to take that away from her because I know how are holidays can be when you are on your own. SO I was willing to suck it up and deal with it. Until I found out that I was left out of all of her events. At which point I was wondering why I was willing to suck it up for someone who obviously wouldn't do the same for me. And now I am stuck with "so how do I get out of this with minimal hurt feelings and drama"

Wolfie, where is my brain?!

That's what I get for zooming and and not focusing on the lefthand column. My apologies.

Runningstar

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Re: How much warning do you need to give before stopping traditions?
« Reply #31 on: April 28, 2014, 04:41:59 PM »

The reason I didn't say that I didn't want to do it again next year was because I knew that ex-friend looked forward to the event and that was her big Christmas thing. And I didn't want to take that away from her because I know how are holidays can be when you are on your own. SO I was willing to suck it up and deal with it. Until I found out that I was left out of all of her events. At which point I was wondering why I was willing to suck it up for someone who obviously wouldn't do the same for me. And now I am stuck with "so how do I get out of this with minimal hurt feelings and drama"
I think that you don't owe her much then, especially with the bolded.  It is very nice of you to tell her that she will need to make other plans for next Christmas so that she has time to.  Since it now sounds like this is definitely a former friend (I didn't get that in my first reading), I'd say to send her an email or a text as soon as you can, just to get it out of the way.  I wouldn't get into any specifics at all over it - just that the annual party on the 25th will not be happening.