General Etiquette > Life...in general

Letter out of the blue

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Alida:
I am really stymied by this.  About 2 years ago, a few of us parted ways with a woman who had turned very bitter and angry, who swore at me on the phone when I called to see how she was doing, who accused my friends and me of many things that just hurt terribly.  This is a 50 something mother and grandmother.

I received a long letter from her today in the mail.  She explains herself - there's no apology, but it is an explanation centering on her stresses and her envy of me and my relationship with my husband.  She wants a closure I don't know I can give her.  Does etiquette dictate that I must respond to this?  Is there a time frame in which I should? 

Chocolate Cake:
I once was in your position, but with a distant family member.   I recieved an explanation, but no apology.  I chose not to respond at all because it just wasn't good enough to span the chasm her actions caused.

Did this woman have a medical condition that caused her to act like she did?  If not, I think her "olive branch" is a bit lacking.  After all this time, this may be all you're going to get from her.

No, you don't have to respond to it now or at all.   That she wants "closure" is her problem, not yours.

Irish Clovers:
I wouldn't respond, especially if there was no apology in the letter.  Hopefully she'll get the hint.

Tabris:
She thinks she apologized. It wouldn't harm you to send her a brief note thanking her for "clearing up matters" but stating that despite her explanation, while you may forgive her, you do not wish to reconcile with her nor resume your friendship.

Yes, those are two different things. YOU will set the bar for how much contact you will allow, and "none" is allowable.

Alida:

--- Quote from: Tabris on January 08, 2007, 03:30:36 PM ---She thinks she apologized. It wouldn't harm you to send her a brief note thanking her for "clearing up matters" but stating that despite her explanation, while you may forgive her, you do not wish to reconcile with her nor resume your friendship.

Yes, those are two different things. YOU will set the bar for how much contact you will allow, and "none" is allowable.

--- End quote ---

I've spoken with someone who knows us both, but is apart from the situation - his recommendation was to be rid of the letter and leave it as it is.  Apparently, she's still very volatile still and it might be a bad idea to do anything at all.  "None" it is.

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