Rude to pick at food?

[TeamBhakta]

The only way I would find this acceptable if it was the end of the night and everyone has had their fair share and the presentation is not important anymore.  Licorice dries up, so may as well eat them.  He was rude to go and remove all the handles.  This falls in line with punching holes in the chocolates or hogging all the frosting flowers let alone manhandling all the food.

I'd still find that rude. What if the op had planned to take the leftover cupcakes home for herself, or she'd promised someone else "you can have any remaining cupcakes" ?

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

This is not ehell approved under normal circumstances, but I think it's excusable when someone has behaved badly and then tried to make you look like the villain:  give the person an icy glare and ask "What's wrong with you?"

[jaxsue]

I would have picked up the defaced cupcakes and thrown them in the garbage because honestly? Who wants to eat food someone has had their fingers in.

i may or may not have, (many years ago whilst still a teenager), had something similar happen and resolved it by smooshing the ruined cake in the louts face and taking some money from his wallet to go get a replacement.     it was a chocolate cake topped with mini flake bars and he took every single one off and ate them!!

pmt and parties are always a bad mix.

IMHO, anyone taking a flake bar off my dessert gets the death penalty! 

[nayberry]

I would have picked up the defaced cupcakes and thrown them in the garbage because honestly? Who wants to eat food someone has had their fingers in.

i may or may not have, (many years ago whilst still a teenager), had something similar happen and resolved it by smooshing the ruined cake in the louts face and taking some money from his wallet to go get a replacement.     it was a chocolate cake topped with mini flake bars and he took every single one off and ate them!!

pmt and parties are always a bad mix.

IMHO, anyone taking a flake bar off my dessert gets the death penalty! 

exactly!

[purple]

I would have picked up the defaced cupcakes and thrown them in the garbage because honestly? Who wants to eat food someone has had their fingers in.

i may or may not have, (many years ago whilst still a teenager), had something similar happen and resolved it by smooshing the ruined cake in the louts face and taking some money from his wallet to go get a replacement.     it was a chocolate cake topped with mini flake bars and he took every single one off and ate them!!

pmt and parties are always a bad mix.

Nayberry, I highly doubt that your response was etiquette approved, but seriously - BRAVO!!!

[nayberry]

I would have picked up the defaced cupcakes and thrown them in the garbage because honestly? Who wants to eat food someone has had their fingers in.

i may or may not have, (many years ago whilst still a teenager), had something similar happen and resolved it by smooshing the ruined cake in the louts face and taking some money from his wallet to go get a replacement.     it was a chocolate cake topped with mini flake bars and he took every single one off and ate them!!

pmt and parties are always a bad mix.

Nayberry, I highly doubt that your response was etiquette approved, but seriously - BRAVO!!!

Well I was only about 14, it took ages to make and he ruined it!  Oh I mean hypothetically * whistles nonchalantly*

[Jelaza]

I don't know if I would actually do this, but I would be seriously tempted to put all those cupcake in front of him and say "Don't touch it unless you're going to eat it.  No one else is going to want to eat food that you've put your fingers all over." and then stand over him until he did.

[sweetonsno]

A slight aside, but did anybody see the older episode of the Simpsons wherein Homer tries to eat the decorations off of Maggie's birthday cake? Marge rebukes him sharply: "Homer, no!" and then points out: "I made another cake for you to ruin."

Would a similar tactic work here? The first time he's caught touching other people's food (that is, food that he doesn't intend to eat), tell him that the cupcakes are for the people who want to eat cupcakes, then offer him a licorice-coconut-Medusa-Langoliers thing to pick at.

[Venus193]

Casting my vote for rude, childish, passive/aggressive, and mean-spirited.  This is a bully who never grew up.

I'd also be having harsh words with the husband.

And if this happens again, don't cry; get angry.  Your BIL was looking to make you cry.  I might have tossed them all out but not before telling him in the coldest possible tone of voice that he ruined something I spent significant time, effort, and money for the enjoyment of others.  I'd also use the children as the coup de grace on that statement.

[ladyknight1]

Rude.

When I was in cake decorating class, I would bring my projects home and to work to share. One day, I brought a cake with roses and rosettes of icing around the border and on the top. I noticed that just the rosettes and roses were missing an hour later, and found out our terribly unprofessional receptionist had been picking them off.

Not slicing a piece of the cake off and eating them off of that piece, but she touched every bit of the outside and the top of the cake to pick them off. I threw the rest away as she was sticking her fingers in her mouth in between. My cats have better manners.

[TeamBhakta]

A slight aside, but did anybody see the older episode of the Simpsons wherein Homer tries to eat the decorations off of Maggie's birthday cake? Marge rebukes him sharply: "Homer, no!" and then points out: "I made another cake for you to ruin."

Would a similar tactic work here? The first time he's caught touching other people's food (that is, food that he doesn't intend to eat), tell him that the cupcakes are for the people who want to eat cupcakes, then offer him a licorice-coconut-Medusa-Langoliers thing to pick at.

That's rewarding bad behavior.

[sweetonsno]

A slight aside, but did anybody see the older episode of the Simpsons wherein Homer tries to eat the decorations off of Maggie's birthday cake? Marge rebukes him sharply: "Homer, no!" and then points out: "I made another cake for you to ruin."

Would a similar tactic work here? The first time he's caught touching other people's food (that is, food that he doesn't intend to eat), tell him that the cupcakes are for the people who want to eat cupcakes, then offer him a licorice-coconut-Medusa-Langoliers thing to pick at.

That's rewarding bad behavior.

I dunno about that. Explicitly stating that the nice cupcakes are intended for people who plan to eat the whole thing and that the weird one was for the person who just wants to pick stuff off might embarrass him.

[wyliefool]

I would solve this problem by simply never making anything for a gathering where BIL would be again. And 'D'H who joined in the laughter? Would be getting the hairy eyeball from me all the way home until he apologized. Or he too would never get a nice yummy homemade cupcake again. It'd be Cakewrecks-style from then on out.

[wolfie]

I get the feeling that BIL can pick off the handles without touching any of the rest of the cupcakes.

Honestly if I was a bystander here I would be rolling my eyes at the BIL for doing it, and also rolling my eyes and thinking the OP overreacted if she took all the cupcakes and threw them in the garbage. Probably more rolling for the OP then the BIL if that was the reaction. If he can pick the stuff off without touching the rest of the cupcakes then it wouldn't bother me that much - especially since I don't like licorice and would have tossed it anyway. I would think he was childish and immature but that would be that. So if the OP reacts in a grand way then I would start thinking of her as childish and immature too. I would say that a simple "don't do that" to the BIL and then dropping it would be much more effective for everyone else. Let's face it - you aren't going to change BIL - all you can do is make sure that people remember him badly and not "do you remember when OP blew up at easter that year?"

[Venus193]

Wolfie, I totally understand the OP's issue here.  She's justifiably upset because the BIL ruined the aesthetic of her cupcakes with malicious intent when she had already told him not to.

I would solve this problem by simply never making anything for a gathering where BIL would be again. And 'D'H who joined in the laughter? Would be getting the hairy eyeball from me all the way home until he apologized. Or he too would never get a nice yummy homemade cupcake again. It'd be Cakewrecks-style from then on out.

That's my feeling.

As to an earlier question if I had purchased them from a bakery I would still be angry because that would also have been wasteful.  Maybe a little less insulting, but not much.