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Author Topic: Rude to pick at food?  (Read 33236 times)

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purple

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #75 on: April 28, 2014, 10:16:27 PM »
That speaks of the future but we're Monday Morning Quarterbacking here.  What should she have done?

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Venus193

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #76 on: April 28, 2014, 11:14:53 PM »
Feel free; I stole it from someone at the office once.





spookycatlady

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #77 on: April 30, 2014, 07:32:45 AM »
Every year at Christmas, I make a cinnamon stuffed bread/cake thing that is shaped and decorated like a Christmas tree with M&Ms and icing.  It's known that if I was overnighting over Christmas, the tannenbaum cake would make an appearance for breakfast.  It's always been a big hit and I get requests.

One year, when I went to put it out, two of the corners were cut off.  The sister of the hostess volunteered that she couldn't resist and cut them off the night before, before she went to bed.  The next year (same house), all of the M&Ms had been picked off-- this time by the hostess herself.  When saw my crestfallen face at the mutilated cake, she said, "I don't like chocolate and cinnamon together," as she smeared butter on the piece she was enjoying.I didn't say anything until the drive home, and asked the dude what he thought about it and he said, "What's the big deal? It all goes to the same place in the end."  Totally clueless.

Never brought another one to that house.  When I was asked about it's absence the next year (I brought cookies instead), I said, "I only make two every season-- this year they were already spoken for.  Here!  Enjoy the cookies!" 

What made me feel like I was maybe feeling unreasonable was the thought, "They're not treating my gift right."  But the hurt comes more from, "They aren't giving anyone else an opportunity to experience it the way I (the giver) intended."  I know that once a gift is given, it is up to the receiver to do what they wish with it.  But when it is a gift to a group, the group should all get to enjoy at an equal level."

nayberry

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #78 on: April 30, 2014, 08:25:59 AM »
Every year at Christmas, I make a cinnamon stuffed bread/cake thing that is shaped and decorated like a Christmas tree with M&Ms and icing.  It's known that if I was overnighting over Christmas, the tannenbaum cake would make an appearance for breakfast.  It's always been a big hit and I get requests.

One year, when I went to put it out, two of the corners were cut off.  The sister of the hostess volunteered that she couldn't resist and cut them off the night before, before she went to bed.  The next year (same house), all of the M&Ms had been picked off-- this time by the hostess herself.  When saw my crestfallen face at the mutilated cake, she said, "I don't like chocolate and cinnamon together," as she smeared butter on the piece she was enjoying.I didn't say anything until the drive home, and asked the dude what he thought about it and he said, "What's the big deal? It all goes to the same place in the end."  Totally clueless.

Never brought another one to that house.  When I was asked about it's absence the next year (I brought cookies instead), I said, "I only make two every season-- this year they were already spoken for.  Here!  Enjoy the cookies!" 

What made me feel like I was maybe feeling unreasonable was the thought, "They're not treating my gift right."  But the hurt comes more from, "They aren't giving anyone else an opportunity to experience it the way I (the giver) intended."  I know that once a gift is given, it is up to the receiver to do what they wish with it.  But when it is a gift to a group, the group should all get to enjoy at an equal level."

if anyone else mistreats one can i get added to the "will respect and scoff" list :P

otherwise any chance of the recipe?  that sounds like all my favourite foods :D
baby berry arrived june 2016

wolfie

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #79 on: April 30, 2014, 08:29:57 AM »
I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with not making the foods that other people are ruining. Seems like the right decision to me.

spookycatlady

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #80 on: April 30, 2014, 09:08:04 AM »

veryfluffy

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #81 on: April 30, 2014, 09:12:04 AM »
...Okay...does anyone else keep reading the title of this thread as "Rude to pick cat food?"

Or is it just me?
   

mime

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #82 on: April 30, 2014, 10:03:22 AM »
~snip~
What made me feel like I was maybe feeling unreasonable was the thought, "They're not treating my gift right."  But the hurt comes more from, "They aren't giving anyone else an opportunity to experience it the way I (the giver) intended."  I know that once a gift is given, it is up to the receiver to do what they wish with it.  But when it is a gift to a group, the group should all get to enjoy at an equal level."

I couldn't figure out how to express those same thoughts-- you said it so well!

There are times when someone puts effort into making a beautiful presentation and they want people to see it and enjoy it. Then someone with no appreciation for the presentation comes along and dismantles it and is perfectly clueless as to how they messed it up and 'un-did' all your labor. Then you are made to feel petty for being upset. Presentation takes time and care, and someone just discarded it like that was meaningless. You're not petty. Your efforts are valuable but treated like they aren't. If I were a guest observing this, I'd be upset on behalf of the person who put in all the love and those of us who would appreciate it didn't get the chance, thanks to someone who didn't even care. (I'd also be upset that the licorice/M&Ms/etc were gone, you know? Don't pick stuff off of my share!!! Seriously, didn't your mother teach you that when you were 3?  ::) )

I had a similar thing with an edible arrangement I made (fancy-cut fruit on skewers in a flower pot presentation made to look like a boquet of flowers). Before lunch time, someone picked off all the blueberries. It was my only dark color in the arrangement, and they were the centers of many of the "flowers". The culprit admitted it, and said (with an 'ick-face') "I don't like the other fruits, just the blueberries."  :o  :-\ >:( 

I think your response to not bringing your tree to the next gathering was very gracious. You didn't embarass the host and make yourself look childish. I probably would have said something along the lines of "I remembered that you don't like cinnamon and chocolate together so I thought you'd like these cookies better" and try to put it back on her.


Ms_Cellany

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #83 on: April 30, 2014, 10:51:56 AM »
I think analyzing out loud might work:

"BIL, I'm finding that I'm upset when you pick at the decorations. And I wonder why you're doing it, and why my reaction is so strong. Is it a power dynamic? That you're showing that you get to do whatever you want, and you're enjoying demonstrating that you have more social power than I do?"

I can do this for hours.
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nayberry

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #84 on: April 30, 2014, 12:10:23 PM »
thanks spooky :)
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ydpubs

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #85 on: April 30, 2014, 12:18:00 PM »
...Okay...does anyone else keep reading the title of this thread as "Rude to pick cat food?"

Or is it just me?

No, I wasn't. But I am now. LOL!!!
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lakey

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #86 on: April 30, 2014, 05:29:25 PM »
spookycatlady,

I hope the people got the message when you didn't bring your Tannenbaum cake the next year. A big part of these special desserts is the presentation. You put all that work into something special and they ruin the presentation by messing with it before anyone else gets to see it, incredibly selfish.

Yes, it IS rude to poke at food that someone else put a lot of work into. If the decorations didn't matter, they wouldn't have done the extra work to decorate it.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #87 on: April 30, 2014, 07:11:48 PM »
I think analyzing out loud might work:

"BIL, I'm finding that I'm upset when you pick at the decorations. And I wonder why you're doing it, and why my reaction is so strong. Is it a power dynamic? That you're showing that you get to do whatever you want, and you're enjoying demonstrating that you have more social power than I do?"

I can do this for hours.

I like this idea.  It's basically calling the other person out by putting into words what they're trying to do subtly with their actions.  It works for *so* many circumstances.
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Twik

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #88 on: May 01, 2014, 06:51:16 AM »
I think analyzing out loud might work:

"BIL, I'm finding that I'm upset when you pick at the decorations. And I wonder why you're doing it, and why my reaction is so strong. Is it a power dynamic? That you're showing that you get to do whatever you want, and you're enjoying demonstrating that you have more social power than I do?"

I can do this for hours.

So, he smirks and says, "Yeah, I do." What do you do then?

Not that I don't think you're right about his motives. Just that he sounds like the sort of person who won't be abashed by having them called out.
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GratefulMaria

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #89 on: May 01, 2014, 07:10:56 AM »
I think analyzing out loud might work:

"BIL, I'm finding that I'm upset when you pick at the decorations. And I wonder why you're doing it, and why my reaction is so strong. Is it a power dynamic? That you're showing that you get to do whatever you want, and you're enjoying demonstrating that you have more social power than I do?"

I can do this for hours.

So, he smirks and says, "Yeah, I do." What do you do then?

Not that I don't think you're right about his motives. Just that he sounds like the sort of person who won't be abashed by having them called out.

I've been around people who've bragged about using their social power on others.  I tilted my head, looked at the person a moment, and calmly said, "Hmm, I'll have to keep that in mind."  And it's harder with family, but there are civil ways to make it clear that you consider your opinion of a person much more important than their opinion of you.