Author Topic: Rude to pick at food?  (Read 14625 times)

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doodlemor

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #30 on: April 19, 2014, 02:07:38 PM »
Your BIL's behavior really rankles me, too, oopsie.  You need to have a talk with your DH about this, because his behavior was childish also.  Perhaps next time there is a family gathering you should stand over the goodies with a wooden spoon.


m2kbug

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #31 on: April 19, 2014, 02:23:09 PM »
The only way I would find this acceptable if it was the end of the night and everyone has had their fair share and the presentation is not important anymore.  Licorice dries up, so may as well eat them.  He was rude to go and remove all the handles.  This falls in line with punching holes in the chocolates or hogging all the frosting flowers let alone manhandling all the food. 

Amara

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #32 on: April 19, 2014, 02:38:42 PM »
Your husband's reaction to the situation makes me madder than the original theft. I was going to say bring an extra bag for your BIL if you do this again, but why reward the guy? That's not just thievery; it's deliberate taunting in which your husband joined. From now on keep the cupcakes away from him and hand them out individually.

Aquamarine

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #33 on: April 19, 2014, 02:49:05 PM »
Not only rude, but I will raise it to rude and mean.  BIL knew it annoyed you and then he did it again just because he felt like it.  This makes your BIL a mean, self centered, thoughtless, bully.  As to his fake "oh I'm in trouble" reaction, he should really spare us the fake "surprise" reaction.

These are not the actions of a nice person.  He took your nice gesture and made a mockery of it.  IMHO your BIL is a jack@@s and seems to take pride in that fact.  Be thankful however because he has finally revealed his true nature to you, so now you know just who he really is.
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VorFemme

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #34 on: April 19, 2014, 02:58:40 PM »
So, BIL has been playing off his rudeness as being something that he does because he's such a prankish jokester and the rest of the family laughs (even after the "joke" falls flat with someone who doesn't see it as funny)?

At 42, he needs to grow up and either start behaving like a grown man instead of a child.

And his family needs to be reminded that some jokes get old after 30 or so years...

The bursting into tears & turning to DH for comfort after the cupcakes were ruined might have worked for DH - although BIL would probably have gotten defensive about "it was just the LICORICE!"

My mother likes licorice.  We would pass along the black jelly beans to her.  Not everyone does - but those who do like it are used to a lot of other people putting it to one side without eating it.  But HE doesn't get to take the handles off everyone else's basket so he can eat them later...some family members obviously like licorice - BIL might not be the only one who wanted to eat a handle...or maybe his siblings' handles, too!  Until Uncle touched them all...
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camlan

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #35 on: April 19, 2014, 08:49:28 PM »
BIL acted like a five year old who hasn't been taught that you don't swipe fingersful of frosting off a cake. You know, you have to wait until a piece is cut and handed to you before you get the frosting.

Actually, most five year olds I know are aware of this rule of etiquette; just sometimes some of them have a hard time with self-control.

As for BIL's "I'm in trouble" comment, I'd have given him a steely look right in the eye and said, "Yes, you are. Once was unthinking; to do this again? Not good." And then I'd walk away. Mostly because I wouldn't trust myself not to lose my temper at him.

And because I think sometimes we need to show people that we are angry with them. That what they did was very much not okay.
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gmatoy

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #36 on: April 19, 2014, 10:58:37 PM »
Well, I would never do the crying and going to my DH for comfort thing. Probably because I feel like that makes me look childish.

But I would talk to my DH about "aiding and abetting" the enemy. As in: Side with him over me on this and see where you end up!

And, seriously, have your DH read how others viewed this. One of the most important moments in my marriage was when someone else told my DH that my MIL had crossed the line. He truly did not see it because her behavior was "the way she always is" to him. It took someone else telling him that it wasn't right for him to see that I wasn't being too thin skinned. Maybe your DH needs the different viewpoint, too.

MrsVandy

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #37 on: April 19, 2014, 11:22:08 PM »
BIL was rude. I would be grossed out if someone randomly touched food expected to be served to others. Also how would he know that some of the kids didn't want one with the licorice?
This reminds me of when my cousin was 5 and my mom brought cupcakes to a family function. He either licked or finger swiped at all 24's icing before getting caught red handed. Mom said "Well there all yours now. No one will want them." Cousin was excited to eat all of them, until he realized his eyes were bigger then his stomach and ate himself sick. He never did that again. It was a lesson to every kid in our family, don't touch food you don't intend to eat.




Otterpop

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #38 on: April 20, 2014, 12:20:43 AM »
I thought this thread was going to be about someone not liking a dish you'd brought and picking at their serving during dinner.  I was going to say "Don't watch them eat."  However, a grown man picking pieces off of everyone else's food is really egregious.

Something tells me BIL is a frequently obnoxious person and your DH is just used to it.  If you ever bring cupcakes again, tell BIL hands off.  Most people, and especially kids, love to receive those cute little creations intact before they tuck into them.  BIL ruined that for everyone.  He also disrespected you afterwards.  I hope you explained to DH how it made you feel.  Your feelings are valid.

JenJay

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #39 on: April 20, 2014, 12:36:54 AM »
Not only rude, but I will raise it to rude and mean.  BIL knew it annoyed you and then he did it again just because he felt like it.  This makes your BIL a mean, self centered, thoughtless, bully.  As to his fake "oh I'm in trouble" reaction, he should really spare us the fake "surprise" reaction.

These are not the actions of a nice person.  He took your nice gesture and made a mockery of it.  IMHO your BIL is a jack@@s and seems to take pride in that fact.  Be thankful however because he has finally revealed his true nature to you, so now you know just who he really is.

I agree. Also, a lot of people won't eat food that someone else has touched, so they wouldn't 't have been able to have a cupcake at all. My DS is like that and a couple of his friends thought it would be funny to touch his food at lunch. He threw it all away and came home starving. The  2nd time it happened I emailed his teacher and she shut it down quick because that isn't funny. A joke is funny when everyone laughs, not when all but one laugh and the one is hurt and/or angry. He's a jerk and he knows it, that's why he pulled your DH into it to back him up.

purple

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #40 on: April 20, 2014, 04:24:17 AM »
If I had to deal with that kind of situation, ironically it would probably work best to cry. Say how much work you put into them, go to hubby for comfort. It's stupid and sexist and sad, but men like BIL don't respond well to angry women. Hubby would look like a real tool if he didn't comfort you. Then BIL is the cad who made you cry, rather than you being the woman who couldn't take a joke.

 :o ::)

Redsoil

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #41 on: April 20, 2014, 04:57:52 AM »
I'd have told him just how pathetic and selfish he was for defacing the cupcakes and taking away from other people.  They were for everyone and he decided his "needs" outweighed both good manners and other's enjoyment of the cupcakes.  Rude cretin!  And as for your DH laughing it off?  I'd be having words about that, and asking how he'd feel if one of his projects that he'd put time and effort into was mutilated and partially spoiled for others...  grrrrrrr.
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Twik

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #42 on: April 20, 2014, 10:38:58 AM »
I would have picked up the defaced cupcakes and thrown them in the garbage because honestly? Who wants to eat food someone has had their fingers in.
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jaxsue

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #43 on: April 20, 2014, 11:34:52 AM »
I'd have told him just how pathetic and selfish he was for defacing the cupcakes and taking away from other people.  They were for everyone and he decided his "needs" outweighed both good manners and other's enjoyment of the cupcakes.  Rude cretin!  And as for your DH laughing it off?  I'd be having words about that, and asking how he'd feel if one of his projects that he'd put time and effort into was mutilated and partially spoiled for others...  grrrrrrr.

ITA. I'd be very, very put out by this behavior. And DH would be in the doghouse for joining in.

nayberry

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Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Reply #44 on: April 20, 2014, 11:59:29 AM »
I would have picked up the defaced cupcakes and thrown them in the garbage because honestly? Who wants to eat food someone has had their fingers in.

i may or may not have, (many years ago whilst still a teenager), had something similar happen and resolved it by smooshing the ruined cake in the louts face and taking some money from his wallet to go get a replacement.     it was a chocolate cake topped with mini flake bars and he took every single one off and ate them!!

pmt and parties are always a bad mix.