Author Topic: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to  (Read 13038 times)

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edgypeanuts

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #135 on: April 30, 2014, 01:44:28 PM »

As I said earlier, if a person can't cope with the everyday requirements of their job to the point that they break down continually, that speaks either to the unsuitability of the job or to an issue with their mental wellbeing.  So I guess it's conceivable that a very, very emotional person might not be suited to a job that involves high stress or which includes their specific triggers.  But most people who are "criers" are talking about crying in situations that are outside of the norm. 
Just because a person cannot help crying, does not mean that they do it often (although I am sure some do.)  I do not cry frequently, I just am powerless to stop it when I do.
 
Some criers are not very emotional people either.  I am not moved to tears by others crying, movies, sad stories, etc. 

I frequently have to give people bad news and make them cry.  I sympathise, but I do not cry with them.  So I don't know that things like a trial lawyer would be an issue.  Somehow it is different.

EllenS

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #136 on: April 30, 2014, 10:05:46 PM »
There's also a sure-fire way to find out if someone is using a show of manufactured emotion to manipulate you: don't react.  Just ignore the fact that they are crying and go on with the discussion in a normal way.  Or acknowledge it and immediately move on.

If they are trying to manipulate you, they escalate and try another tactic.  I have had to do this before:

"I see that you feel strongly about this issue, but it does not change the fact that I will not triple your budget at the expense of the other departments. Let's see what other solutions we can come up with to help you expand your project."  Manipulative crier. Stopped crying like turning off a switch, stalked out in a fury and tried to go over my head.

edgypeanuts

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #137 on: April 30, 2014, 11:01:29 PM »
There's also a sure-fire way to find out if someone is using a show of manufactured emotion to manipulate you: don't react.  Just ignore the fact that they are crying and go on with the discussion in a normal way.

And as a non manipulative crier, this is exactly how I would like it handled!  I would much rather if my tears were invisible or if we all could pretend that they are.

TootsNYC

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #138 on: May 01, 2014, 01:57:43 PM »
There's also a sure-fire way to find out if someone is using a show of manufactured emotion to manipulate you: don't react.  Just ignore the fact that they are crying and go on with the discussion in a normal way.  Or acknowledge it and immediately move on.

If they are trying to manipulate you, they escalate and try another tactic. 

And if they aren't manipulative, they'll probably be grateful that you just kept things moving along. It would probably help them get their crying under control, actually.


Piratelvr1121

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #139 on: May 02, 2014, 09:21:30 PM »
I will say my tendency to cry if someone yells at me is one reason I knew I could never go into the military.  Though on the other hand I've gotten to the point where if someone were to yell at me these days I'd just get mad, and not the teary kind of mad.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #140 on: May 03, 2014, 03:10:30 AM »
A psychologist told me that anger is an energizing emotion.  With discipline, that anger can be channeled into productive action.  To me, crying is weakening.  I wind up feeling lousy; my eyes get red and puffy and my nose gets stuffy.  It doesn't make me want to jump in and deal with a problem assertively.

A question for the can't-help-it criers:  How do you feel when you cry?  Are you left saddened, or do you just carry on as normal?

I have a friend who cries at the drop of a hat, and I love her to pieces.  She's sensitive and sweet, but I avoid telling her anything the least bit sad.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

CakeEater

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #141 on: May 03, 2014, 07:11:37 AM »
A psychologist told me that anger is an energizing emotion.  With discipline, that anger can be channeled into productive action.  To me, crying is weakening.  I wind up feeling lousy; my eyes get red and puffy and my nose gets stuffy.  It doesn't make me want to jump in and deal with a problem assertively.

A question for the can't-help-it criers:  How do you feel when you cry?  Are you left saddened, or do you just carry on as normal?


Oh, dreadful! No, definitely not an energising emotion - I feel awful for hours afterwards, puffy and headache.


PastryGoddess

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #142 on: May 03, 2014, 03:39:19 PM »
A psychologist told me that anger is an energizing emotion.  With discipline, that anger can be channeled into productive action.  To me, crying is weakening.  I wind up feeling lousy; my eyes get red and puffy and my nose gets stuffy.  It doesn't make me want to jump in and deal with a problem assertively.

A question for the can't-help-it criers:  How do you feel when you cry?  Are you left saddened, or do you just carry on as normal?

I have a friend who cries at the drop of a hat, and I love her to pieces.  She's sensitive and sweet, but I avoid telling her anything the least bit sad.

For me anger is not energizing at all.  It actually drains me because I have spent way too much mental and sometimes physical strength on it that I have a hard time focusing. 

I'm a picker, so if I get angry I tend to worry and poke at it and bring it up over and over again.  So I try really hard to let go of my anger and move on.  I might let said person know I'm angry, but either way I drop it.  If I don't then it'll come out 6 months later for no reason. 

kckgirl

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #143 on: May 03, 2014, 07:09:36 PM »
My paternal grandmother was a manipulative crier.  Due to that, my father had absolutely no sympathy or patience for any tears.
I learned at a very early age to never cry under any circumstance.  When I was in 4th grade, I broke my arm.  Even for that tears were not allowed.

I understand that other people can cry, that they have strong emotions that cannot be contained.
I wish I had the ability to cry when overcome with strong emotion but I had it beaten out of me as a child.

At my daughter's graduation, her wedding, the birth of each of her children, my BFF's funeral, during my divorce....I had very strong emotions but no tears.
I actually envy people who cry under appropriate circumstances.

I think your father was exceptionally cruel to not permit crying at appropriate times, such as injuries, especially if he "beat it out of you."
Maryland

jmarvellous

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #144 on: May 03, 2014, 09:08:44 PM »
Kckgirl, I'm another whose father did not "permit" crying, though we did not experience corporal punishment. The tough thing about that is that my tears did not care whether he permitted it or not -- no matter how loudly he yelled, they kept coming until I was dehydrated or hyperventilating.

Being scared to cry unfortunately doesn't equal being unable to cry, at least not in my case.

edgypeanuts

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #145 on: May 03, 2014, 11:01:19 PM »
A psychologist told me that anger is an energizing emotion.  With discipline, that anger can be channeled into productive action.  To me, crying is weakening.  I wind up feeling lousy; my eyes get red and puffy and my nose gets stuffy.  It doesn't make me want to jump in and deal with a problem assertively.

A question for the can't-help-it criers:  How do you feel when you cry?  Are you left saddened, or do you just carry on as normal?

I have a friend who cries at the drop of a hat, and I love her to pieces.  She's sensitive and sweet, but I avoid telling her anything the least bit sad.

For me anger is not energizing at all.  It actually drains me because I have spent way too much mental and sometimes physical strength on it that I have a hard time focusing. 

I'm a picker, so if I get angry I tend to worry and poke at it and bring it up over and over again.  So I try really hard to let go of my anger and move on.  I might let said person know I'm angry, but either way I drop it.  If I don't then it'll come out 6 months later for no reason.

When I cry due to sadness or loss it is a release and I am tired after but feel better than when I needed to cry.

When I cry due to anger, it is no different than being angry for any other reason.  I can carry on fairly okay on another subject if I have to, but I find anger (whether it causes me to cry or not) to be draining.

Ceallach

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #146 on: May 04, 2014, 08:28:01 PM »
A psychologist told me that anger is an energizing emotion.  With discipline, that anger can be channeled into productive action.  To me, crying is weakening.  I wind up feeling lousy; my eyes get red and puffy and my nose gets stuffy.  It doesn't make me want to jump in and deal with a problem assertively.

A question for the can't-help-it criers:  How do you feel when you cry?  Are you left saddened, or do you just carry on as normal?

I have a friend who cries at the drop of a hat, and I love her to pieces.  She's sensitive and sweet, but I avoid telling her anything the least bit sad.

Draining and frustrating.   It's why I said earlier there's no way I'd be doing it deliberately, or for manipulative purposes or at all if I could help it.   (I have greatly improved over the years in my control, but it's not easy).       

Crying when I'm sad is a completely different emotion.   But this anger-leaking crying is a symptom of intense frustration, and it just adds further to my frustration e.g. not only did XYZ happen but now I'm also crying at work!  Gee great, something else to feel angry about!    ::)     I agree that it is not productive to dealing with a problem assertively, but for me it only happens when I'm already in a position where I feel helpless or that I can't deal with the situation - lack of control, unfair treatment etc - so that's when I get angry and frustrated and it happens.   It's very rare now as I'm the most senior staff at my office excluding the board of directors, so anytime I feel that way it's normally due to something the Board has done, because anything below that level I *do* have control over and is in my realm to sort out, regardless of how stressful or annoying it might be.

There are factors that contribute, such as tiredness and other stressors.   Last week I walked out of an OB appointment in tears, and I was angry with myself afterwards because it was the type of situation I'd normally excel at resolving.  But they'd already kept me waiting on-and-off for over 2 hours, and my poor 1 year old who never cries was crying for the third time because he was hungry and tired (I had brought ample snacks but he'd finished them and it was meant to be a quick routine appointment, instead they'd assigned a med student who kept going to consult the senior OB, they were basically using me as a guinea pig).   I'd had an exhausting night the night beforehand and was tired, and was also stressed out from the repeated waits and dealing with my poor son.   So it got to a point where I couldn't find my words and just gave up.    That annoys me, because it was a situation that pushed me to the limit that probably wouldn't usually.  So definitely there are days worse than others!  Although perhaps if I'd actually stayed and cried the situation would have been resolved, so maybe I should have used the tears to my advantage!   I had to put my son's needs first though.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #147 on: May 05, 2014, 09:57:06 AM »
If I'm crying enough, I eventually end up tired and feeling depressed for much of the day, as well as short tempered and with a headache.  Not something I'd willingly bring upon myself.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

jackie jormp jomp

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Re: It's my Prerogative: I Can Cry if I Want to
« Reply #148 on: May 07, 2014, 12:11:06 AM »
I don't think it's ever right to use your emotion to manipulate a situation.  If the crying is involuntary, thet's a different story, but it should never be used as a tool.  We demand more of four year olds...