OP here, and I must say, this thread has given me a lot to think about!
I had not considered that he bought the tickets after she told him no. Wow.
And that link about Mythcommuniction- super Wow!! DD is quiet, but strong. That article was powerful. I will not show it to her now, but will take her out for coffee soon and chat, about dating and how to say no for any situation, and about clear communication.
My offering restitution was when the mom was rambling how her son was so hurt and his future may be marred by this. So I was trying to get a feel of what she wanted- a refund? a date? me to play spy on my DD and find out what happened? She wants DD to talk to her son. It took her a while, but that is what she wanted.
So, per her request, , DD will have a very brief and direct conversation/statement for Jay tomorrow, much like the ideas posted by others, something like-- "I told you I had a babysitting commitment, so why would you buy two tickets? I am not going to prom. Sorry if you misunderstood my NO means anything else but no, but I am going to class now. I do not expect to have this conversation again. Good bye."
My little girl is growing up. Sometimes it does take a village!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, if he doesn't learn how to take no for an answer, his future will definitely be marred.
He'll certainly try to blame every future difficulty with women on this interaction.
My story: in 1979 I broke up with my first boyfriend...we were both 17 and had dated for less than a year. It was no big dramatic thing; I just realized he wasn't a very nice person and didn't want to be around him. My breakup speech was along the lines of, 'we can still be friends.
Fast forward 45 years. I am contacted on FB by Boyfriend's wife, also a high school classmate. She told me that she had left him because of physical and emotional abuse. He told her that he was 'unable to love anyone' because of the trauma I had inflicted on him when he was 17. <eyeroll>