Author Topic: Tell me if you've already invited other people too  (Read 2937 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Psychopoesie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 917
Re: Tell me if you've already invited other people too
« Reply #15 on: October 21, 2014, 10:46:37 AM »
If you ask me to get together on a one to one basis, then decide to invite other people, I think you should really tell me. Because that's not the deal I signed up to. I didn't say yes to a group outing or a party. I said I'd catch up with you, singular.

I may not be up for a larger event.  Not everyone is a more the merrier kind of person. I'd like to be able to factor that into my decision.

Even adding one other person change the dynamic. Even if they are the nicest person in the whole world. Because there are things I won't talk about with someone I don't know.

ETA - removed a repeated sentence.


« Last Edit: October 21, 2014, 11:27:11 AM by Psychopoesie »

gen xer

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 546
Re: Tell me if you've already invited other people too
« Reply #16 on: October 21, 2014, 11:08:30 AM »
     I think the polite and considerate thing to do is tell everyone the nature of the invitation - whether it is a group event, who's going etc.  That being said I don't find it a terribly egregious etiquette violation.  It seems to be more of a misguided assumption that of course everyone wants to be part of a big group!
     I do wish that some of those "the more the merrier" types would understand that not everyone is as enthusiastic about big groups of people especially if they don't know them well.  Shyer, quieter people can get edged out of a boisterous, loud group.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30839
Re: Tell me if you've already invited other people too
« Reply #17 on: October 21, 2014, 11:24:35 AM »
I'm not shy, nor am I quiet. But I would be really disappointed at looking forward to day w/ my Sis and her fam, and then find out that I'd be interacting with lots of other people.

haggis for the soul

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 914
Re: Tell me if you've already invited other people too
« Reply #18 on: October 21, 2014, 11:27:58 AM »
I was invited out to dinner with a friend and his girlfriend.  No mention of whether anyone else would be joining us.  I got to the restaurant first and put us on the hostess list as a party of 3.  We turned out to be a party of 5 as two others had been invited that I didn't know about.  No real harm done but it would have been a smoother (and less embarrassing) transaction if I had known to reserve for a party of 5 in the first place.

jaxsue

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10230
Re: Tell me if you've already invited other people too
« Reply #19 on: October 21, 2014, 12:00:49 PM »
If you ask me to get together on a one to one basis, then decide to invite other people, I think you should really tell me. Because that's not the deal I signed up to. I didn't say yes to a group outing or a party. I said I'd catch up with you, singular.

I may not be up for a larger event.  Not everyone is a more the merrier kind of person. I'd like to be able to factor that into my decision.

Even adding one other person change the dynamic. Even if they are the nicest person in the whole world. Because there are things I won't talk about with someone I don't know.

ETA - removed a repeated sentence.

ITA. I am a very social person, but I want to know the nature of an event. Is it small, intimate, which is only a few people, or is it a large group, including some people I don't know well. I think it's only polite to tell people stuff like this. Several years ago my then-DH and I were invited to a birthday party by a couple we knew from church; it was their son's 4th birthday. We went, only to discover that we were the only guests who were non-family. That might not seem odd, except that we knew none of them, and the hosts invited us to "off set" the toxicity (her words) of the family.  :P