Author Topic: Uncomfortable bridal shower  (Read 2527 times)

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Cherry91

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #45 on: Today at 04:42:36 AM »
I think the OP tripped up slightly on the dress code, but that Fiance was also rude:

- Shoved OP and her sister in a different room to most of the guests
- Hadn't told OP about the Bible verses - that's not something most people consider standard for a bridal shower, so they should have been made aware to bring Bibles
- Reacted like a child over a nightie and robe - that doesn't sound "saucy" or inappropriate to me in the slightest, but Fiance decided to be rude and shove it under the table like it was a copy of the Kama Sutra.

menley

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #46 on: Today at 06:29:22 AM »
I think the OP tripped up slightly on the dress code, but that Fiance was also rude:

- Shoved OP and her sister in a different room to most of the guests
- Hadn't told OP about the Bible verses - that's not something most people consider standard for a bridal shower, so they should have been made aware to bring Bibles
- Reacted like a child over a nightie and robe - that doesn't sound "saucy" or inappropriate to me in the slightest, but Fiance decided to be rude and shove it under the table like it was a copy of the Kama Sutra.

Regarding the bolded, the OP says that they were pointed to chairs on the edge of the living room close to the kitchen, while others were seated in the living room. That description doesn't sound at all like they were shunted off to another room - but that they were given less prominent seats.

CakeEater

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #47 on: Today at 06:42:46 AM »
I went with clothing and a gift, that based on my previous experiences, was normal.  I have not attended another shower where dresses or slacks were worn. Night wear was a common gift at bridal showers.  Like I said, overall we are a very relaxed and informal community.

The invite stated date, time and that munchies would be served.  No indication of a religious leaning.  No registery info or gift ideas was included.  The fiancé had always dressed casually at any events she attended with our family.

That's why I felt so blind sided.  It was like everyone was in on a secret except sis and I.

I'm not really sure what you want, here. You've asked if you were rude, and a number of people have said that they think ypu were dressed inappropriately and brought an inappropriate gift, but you disagree with them. Are you looking for people to validate your choices? I really don't thinl you are going to get universal agreement on this.

I agree. I don't think I've ever attended a bridal shower. I have attended one kitchen tea. I'm a frequent wearer of shorts, but I don't think I would wear them to a bridal shower.

And now you know that buying lingerie for people whose culture and expectations you aren't familiar with is a risky gift.

TurtleDove

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #48 on: Today at 07:31:23 AM »

Fiancé grew up in State, but was from a very well to do family.  Large, religious family, things very proper and formal.  No into the outdoors at all.  Very nice people, but I think my family made them uncomfortable with our casualness.


This is a big clue. And it's why I would have asked about dress code or suggestions for the shower. A shower is an important event (to me). It's memorable, pictures will be taken. If people are the "dress up" type, this is one of the occasions where they will.

This. I think the OP had every reason to suspect this would be a more formal occasion. She knew what the fiancé and her family were like.

ladyknight1

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #49 on: Today at 08:39:35 AM »
OP, I'm sorry you were in this situation. I would have probably done the same as you.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #50 on: Today at 08:49:37 AM »
I see a lot of misunderstanding in this situation, but only one thing that was truly rude.  The hostess(es) of the party were rude for not making an effort to make you feel included.  No matter what they thought of your attire or your gift, they had the obligation to make your feel welcome and included.

I agree!
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Goosey

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #51 on: Today at 09:03:39 AM »
I would not bring anyone an intimate gift if I wasn't very close to them - exceptions are if this was a Hen Night or Bachlorette party (which it was not).   :o

In the future, call the hostess and ask about dress code and a registry (if there is one). This will give you more of an idea about the tone of the party.

But, yeah, always err on the side of more formal gifts rather than silk nighties that could cause embarassment.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #52 on: Today at 09:25:21 AM »
OP, that you were underdressed for the occasion is a small thing.  It doesn't sound like Fiance and her friends/guests were very welcoming to you and your sister.  The fact that she shoved your gift under the table speaks volumes.  She could have just said "Oh, OP gave me a pretty nightgown.  Thank you." and left it at that.  I've never attended a bridal shower where a Bible study happened.

My own mother gave me what used to be called a peignoir set.  It was a long white satin and lace gown with a sheer organza robe to go over it.  Heck, my MIL gave me one of hers from the 1940s (it had long sleeves  ;D)!

It sounds like there was a lot of miscommunication.

Winterlight

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #53 on: Today at 09:35:26 AM »
I see a lot of misunderstanding in this situation, but only one thing that was truly rude.  The hostess(es) of the party were rude for not making an effort to make you feel included.  No matter what they thought of your attire or your gift, they had the obligation to make your feel welcome and included.

I agree. I think they failed as hostesses. The bride knew your family culture and it would have been wise for her to give you a few hints ahead of time.
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lady_disdain

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #54 on: Today at 09:38:14 AM »
I think the OP tripped up slightly on the dress code, but that Fiance was also rude:

- Shoved OP and her sister in a different room to most of the guests
- Hadn't told OP about the Bible verses - that's not something most people consider standard for a bridal shower, so they should have been made aware to bring Bibles
- Reacted like a child over a nightie and robe - that doesn't sound "saucy" or inappropriate to me in the slightest, but Fiance decided to be rude and shove it under the table like it was a copy of the Kama Sutra.

When a bride is given a nightie, it has a lot of scrabble connotations (would you give a woman a nightie in any other situation?). From her in law family and in a religious setting? Yeah, very cringe worthy. I cannot imagine her holding up the nightie to show the church ladies. Honestly, this is the kind of gift that should only be given to very close friends, not to someone who is marrying into your family.

As for the dress code, I think it is on both of them. It would have been nice for the hostess to drop a hint but the guest also had plenty of information on hand to realize that it would probably be good to check, specially the fact that the bride obviously came from a more formal background and was not comfortable in very informal settings. Formal baby showers show up enough in general culture (movies, books, TV series) for most people to realize that it is a possibility.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #55 on: Today at 09:46:55 AM »

Fiancé grew up in State, but was from a very well to do family.  Large, religious family, things very proper and formal.  No into the outdoors at all.  Very nice people, but I think my family made them uncomfortable with our casualness.


This is a big clue. And it's why I would have asked about dress code or suggestions for the shower. A shower is an important event (to me). It's memorable, pictures will be taken. If people are the "dress up" type, this is one of the occasions where they will.

This. I think the OP had every reason to suspect this would be a more formal occasion. She knew what the fiancé and her family were like.

I agree. I grew up in a very rural area but never saw anyone attend a bridal shower in shorts or jeans. Never even saw slacks until a few years ago. So needing to mention that guests wouldn't be in shorts wouldn't cross my mind ever.

Lingerie is usually only given by close friends or family. I would find it very odd thing to receive from the cousin of my fiance. Her comment about it being a gift "for fiance" seems to imply her state of mind when opening it and why she would be uncomfortable  sharing it with the women in attendance.

I'm sorry you were made to feel unwelcome. But I'd chalk it up to a life lesson and realization of needing to be more aware of other social standards even within my own community.

jmarvellous

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Re: Uncomfortable bridal shower
« Reply #56 on: Today at 10:06:40 AM »
One piece of advice I give to people who aren't quite sure how to dress for an event is to dress half a step up from your assumption (while still keeping time of day and venue in mind).

It might result in you looking slightly fancier than others, but it'll rarely serve you wrong.