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Author Topic: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12  (Read 76653 times)

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POF

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I had to read through all the posts before I updated, just ot refresh myself on the conversations. 

Good

** MIL decided not to attend and this was really the correct decision.  The venue ( being a ski lodge ) was really not accessible.  Lots of stairs, inconvenient elevators, plus really out in the wilderness - so nothing close for a medical emergency.

** Venue was nice, ceremony had to be held inside instead of mountain top ( CRUD MONKEYS! - was the hill with the ski lifts steep ! made me queasy to look at it ).  Organizers were organized and event ran smoothly. Room was small and acoustics were bad and we were kind of crowded in ... but it worked fine.

** Reception venue was nice and ran very smoothly. Food was delicious, served hot. Appetizer table was really elegant. Cake was fabulous !

**  It was really nice to see family members and cousins that live far away.  I was touched when my 2 nephews said I was their favorite aunt and my 20 something very smart very well educated niece told me that I was one of the strongest women she knew and that that I have great taste in books.

** My sons were the most handsome guys there.  ( OK - maybe I have a bit of prejudice ! )

** LHS is widowed, and I tried to take that into consideration with her controlling things,  We did spend time with her after the reception and it made her happy.

Not so Good

** Bride is from a fundamentalist/ conservative southern denomination.  Hometown minister preached for 40 minutes, on very conservative texts regarding alternative lifestyles ( negatively )  and the submissive role of women in a marriage.  Bride and her family seemed delighted with the service. Many people were appalled.  I have 2 gay nephews ( cousins to the groom ) one is out with a partner , one is not out.  Apparently the one nephew was not given a plus one - because his lifestyle might offend the conservatives.  I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but this was awkward.

** We ( grooms extended family ) were shunted to the back of the reception.  Bride and groom never visited our table, Grooms siblings never came over to say hello to the extended family. I went over to say hello, but was rudely brushed off because they were part of the wedding party and were "busy" " I can't talk to you I have to go over here " Well OK - but this was after all the formalities had ended.

** MOB wore a white lace tight short dress.... super odd.

But overall - it was definitely the brides wedding and little to no acknowledgement of the grooms family. ( Maybe that's how weddings turn out usually )



 





ladyknight1

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #166 on: October 19, 2014, 01:34:08 PM »
Oh my goodness. Sounds like the brides family has no use for the grooms and isn't that sad!
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Tea Drinker

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I had to read through all the posts before I updated, just ot refresh myself on the conversations. 

(snip for length)

** We ( grooms extended family ) were shunted to the back of the reception.  Bride and groom never visited our table, Grooms siblings never came over to say hello to the extended family. I went over to say hello, but was rudely brushed off because they were part of the wedding party and were "busy" " I can't talk to you I have to go over here " Well OK - but this was after all the formalities had ended.

** MOB wore a white lace tight short dress.... super odd.

But overall - it was definitely the brides wedding and little to no acknowledgement of the grooms family. ( Maybe that's how weddings turn out usually )

Not in my experience: the bride's family is often more involved in planning, venue choice, etc., but if there's a "bride's family here, groom's family there" it's more likely to be for the ceremony, and it's generally one family on the left and the other on the right, not front/back.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen that way, just that it isn't how weddings usually turn out.
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Mergatroyd

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #168 on: October 19, 2014, 01:43:21 PM »
Mayb because the grooms family isn't part of that religion? I don't know. It would be interesting to hear from the groomsman that had to be somewhere else what he thought of it.

Why invite people if you're not going to allow anyone to talk to them?

lakey

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #169 on: October 19, 2014, 02:22:51 PM »
Quote
Mayb because the grooms family isn't part of that religion? I don't know. It would be interesting to hear from the groomsman that had to be somewhere else what he thought of it.

Why invite people if you're not going to allow anyone to talk to them?

I doubt it. I grew up in as a Catholic in an area where a significant proportion of the population are fundamentalist protestants and social conservatives. I've never heard of people being seated in the church or the reception according to whether they belong to the same religion as the host church. And as I've said, a lot of the people in my area are social conservatives because of their religious beliefs. Yet, I've never heard of controversial issues  being brought up during a wedding sermon. Most people, whatever their religion and personal views, have the good taste to not make guests feel awkward. I feel bad for your nephews.

If the groom's extended family was seated to the back, and the bride's extended family was seated toward the front, it was probably due to the bride and her family being poor hosts with no manners.

Library Dragon

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #170 on: October 19, 2014, 02:32:03 PM »
Quote
Mayb because the grooms family isn't part of that religion? I don't know. It would be interesting to hear from the groomsman that had to be somewhere else what he thought of it.

Why invite people if you're not going to allow anyone to talk to them?

I doubt it. I grew up in as a Catholic in an area where a significant proportion of the population are fundamentalist protestants and social conservatives. I've never heard of people being seated in the church or the reception according to whether they belong to the same religion as the host church. And as I've said, a lot of the people in my area are social conservatives because of their religious beliefs. Yet, I've never heard of controversial issues  being brought up during a wedding sermon. Most people, whatever their religion and personal views, have the good taste to not make guests feel awkward. I feel bad for your nephews.

If the groom's extended family was seated to the back, and the bride's extended family was seated toward the front, it was probably due to the bride and her family being poor hosts with no manners.

Like you we're minority in the state (when we moved here Catholics were 2.5% of the population and now we're up to 3%).  I've always seen the left-right arrangement in other churches. 

Unfortunately I've seen and heard of the minister using the time to beat the drum.  DS1 came home from his friends' wedding.  The HC had been living together prior and pastor of the bride's family preached for 20 minutes on the sins of living together. 

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camlan

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #171 on: October 19, 2014, 07:27:45 PM »
Quote
Bride is from a fundamentalist/ conservative southern denomination.  Hometown minister preached for 40 minutes, on very conservative texts regarding alternative lifestyles ( negatively )  and the submissive role of women in a marriage.

One of my cousins married a lovely young lady from a very conservative religion. The wedding was at her church and the minister must have preached for an hour, mostly on the topic of wives submitting to their husbands.

I was seated in a pew with several of my female cousins, and almost died of embarrassment when they all started giggling at one particularly strange example that the preacher gave. At least no one laughed out loud, but still . . . they should have been able to hold it together a bit better.

The rest of the sermon was about how anyone not of their religion was doomed to hellfire. That got giggles from some of the *aunts*.

Turns out the lovely young lady had bowed to parental pressure to have the wedding in that church, and she has apparently ignored every bit of the advice showered down upon us all during the wedding. They're celebrating their 20th anniversary this year. ;D
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


POF

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #172 on: October 19, 2014, 07:51:01 PM »
Quote
Bride is from a fundamentalist/ conservative southern denomination.  Hometown minister preached for 40 minutes, on very conservative texts regarding alternative lifestyles ( negatively )  and the submissive role of women in a marriage.

One of my cousins married a lovely young lady from a very conservative religion. The wedding was at her church and the minister must have preached for an hour, mostly on the topic of wives submitting to their husbands.

I was seated in a pew with several of my female cousins, and almost died of embarrassment when they all started giggling at one particularly strange example that the preacher gave. At least no one laughed out loud, but still . . . they should have been able to hold it together a bit better.

The rest of the sermon was about how anyone not of their religion was doomed to hellfire. That got giggles from some of the *aunts*.

Turns out the lovely young lady had bowed to parental pressure to have the wedding in that church, and she has apparently ignored every bit of the advice showered down upon us all during the wedding. They're celebrating their 20th anniversary this year. ;D

I was kind of surprised. it didn't really seem like the bride that I had met on several occasions.  Given that the minister really really brought up the southern vs. northern  ( and really it was more religion 1 vs. religion 2 ) during the sermon - it was just odd.

he also started off with here is what is wrong with marriages ..... which felt like a criticism of anyone who;s life was different.  I do think it was highly influenced by the brides family.

nuit93

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #173 on: October 20, 2014, 12:02:45 AM »
Quote
Mayb because the grooms family isn't part of that religion? I don't know. It would be interesting to hear from the groomsman that had to be somewhere else what he thought of it.

Why invite people if you're not going to allow anyone to talk to them?

I doubt it. I grew up in as a Catholic in an area where a significant proportion of the population are fundamentalist protestants and social conservatives. I've never heard of people being seated in the church or the reception according to whether they belong to the same religion as the host church. And as I've said, a lot of the people in my area are social conservatives because of their religious beliefs. Yet, I've never heard of controversial issues  being brought up during a wedding sermon. Most people, whatever their religion and personal views, have the good taste to not make guests feel awkward.

Ohhhh, I have!

I darn near walked out of my stepsister's wedding for that very reason--the officiant would not stop talking about female submission and its importance in marriage.  Lectures like that were apparently pretty normal in their wedding services, and 98% of those present at SS's wedding were nodding along in agreement.

My middle sister married a few years ago, and deliberately chose to be married by an officiant of her husband's church instead of the one she'd attended since she was a teenager because they also taught the same views, and a wedding service would have been guaranteed to include a brutal verbal attack on those who did not follow their 'traditional' values.

POF

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #174 on: October 20, 2014, 06:24:01 AM »
I also want to clarify that the groomsman was my nephew - who just neglected to come over and speak to the other members of the family and when I approached him ... he was too busy/important to talk to me ( this is kind of in character ).

Reception area was shaped like an oval.  main events in the center, wedding party and brides family and couples friends were front and center.  Grooms family was at far end of the oval. Seemed a bit unbalanced that there were 2 tables of us - but both tables were at the far reaches of the event, ( this had nothing to do with religion )

CakeEater

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #175 on: October 20, 2014, 08:16:17 AM »
Quote
Bride is from a fundamentalist/ conservative southern denomination.  Hometown minister preached for 40 minutes, on very conservative texts regarding alternative lifestyles ( negatively )  and the submissive role of women in a marriage.

One of my cousins married a lovely young lady from a very conservative religion. The wedding was at her church and the minister must have preached for an hour, mostly on the topic of wives submitting to their husbands.

I was seated in a pew with several of my female cousins, and almost died of embarrassment when they all started giggling at one particularly strange example that the preacher gave. At least no one laughed out loud, but still . . . they should have been able to hold it together a bit better.

You can't do that and then not tell us what the example was!


rigs32

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #176 on: October 20, 2014, 12:07:28 PM »


I was seated in a pew with several of my female cousins, and almost died of embarrassment when they all started giggling at one particularly strange example that the preacher gave. At least no one laughed out loud, but still . . . they should have been able to hold it together a bit better.


Clearly it would be rude to laugh audibly or heckle, but as a guest I don't think I'd be required to sit in silence and take it.  If I were at that wedding, I would have quietly excused myself and waited for the HC outside the church.

Josiepug

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #177 on: October 20, 2014, 12:35:58 PM »
I play a lot of weddings in the deep south. As in 2-3 a month for the past 20 years. I've only ever been to two weddings that devolved into a sermon by the preacher on odd topics. One was about scrabble before marriage and the other was about the wife being submissive. Talk about awkward. The weird things was that the bride in the submissive marriage ceremony was a complete jerk during the reception. She had nodded along during the ceremony and then spent the entire reception yelling at the groom, her parents, the caterers and the musicians. Very odd yet memorable.

DanaJ

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #178 on: October 20, 2014, 01:20:55 PM »
I was seated in a pew with several of my female cousins, and almost died of embarrassment when they all started giggling at one particularly strange example that the preacher gave. At least no one laughed out loud, but still . . . they should have been able to hold it together a bit better.

You'd think, but there can be a point where things do get ridiculous. My great uncle, a widower, met his second wife in an assisted living facility (it was like a nice condo that happened to have a cafeteria and emergency medical staff, rather than a traditional nursing home). He and his new bride got married in her childhood church, but the priest her family had known was long dead. His replacement was in his 50s — a good 20-25 years younger than the bride and groom.

The bulk of his overly long sermon was about how marriage was for procreation. On and on and on and on about being fertile and multiplying. By the time he said something alng the lines of "marriage, cannot be separated from the possibility of procreation, as it would not be a true picture of God and God's love" the bride and groom, 77 and 74 respectively, were barely able to contain their own giggles. So the wrinkley, silver-haired HC were standing there shaking trying to hold in their laughter, and my great aunt (maid of honor and sister to the groom) had to stand there with her legs crossed, half bent over because she was straining so hard to keep a straight face that she thought she was going to pee herself.

It was truthfully, the most unforgettable wedding sermon I have ever seen. Several people thought it was a deliberate prank on the guests.

NFPwife

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« Reply #179 on: October 20, 2014, 01:36:44 PM »
POF - overall, it sounds like it was a very lovely event and you had a nice time. I'm glad for you.

I play a lot of weddings in the deep south. As in 2-3 a month for the past 20 years. I've only ever been to two weddings that devolved into a sermon by the preacher on odd topics. One was about scrabble before marriage and the other was about the wife being submissive. Talk about awkward. The weird things was that the bride in the submissive marriage ceremony was a complete jerk during the reception. She had nodded along during the ceremony and then spent the entire reception yelling at the groom, her parents, the caterers and the musicians. Very odd yet memorable.

For the submissive example - I wonder if the minister had seen the same earlier and decided he had a "bully pulpit" to make a point to the bride??

I've was present for a very interesting funeral service. Not only did the preacher say that everyone who hadn't been "saved" was going to hell, he put the mother of the deceased on the spot about whether she was "saved." He also mentioned that he knew mu uncle from their "drinking days" and then said he (preacher) had cleaned up his act. Implying (and maybe even outright saying) that my uncle had not. He also noted that my aunt was a great cook and loved to eat, a lovely compliment, until he linked how that didn't help with her diabetes. She died of complication of her diabetes. I whispered to DH, "Did he just blame her for her death, at her funeral??" My dad was really upset by that part. To his credit, the preacher didn't let the "unsaved" leave going to hell. He had everyone do a salvation prayer at the funeral.