Author Topic: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12  (Read 36029 times)

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POF

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Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12
« on: April 21, 2014, 08:57:51 AM »
Thinking about the recent thread where how much of an obligation do you have if you want guests to attend your wedding. 

If you pick a venue thats difficult to get to, ( I would think more than a 2 hour drive ) - then I think you need to understand that some people may not be able to attend.


Lakhouse Sally's son is getting married this fall to a really nice girl.  I'm very happy for them. 

Unfortunately the date they gave out for the wedding is on a weekend where DS14 has a major athletic event.  As a freshman he was a breakout in this event and will probably do very well this coming year.

The wedding is going to be held at a location probably 7 hours away from where we ( and the rest of DH's family) lives .  The bride is from another region of the US, we are not sure why they are picking this venue which is a long drive for the grooms family and airline distance for the bride's family.  But I am a big advocate of doing what you want for your wedding... because hey ... it is your wedding.

However if you pick a destination that is far away - then you need to make sure you are going to be OK with an RSVP of no. 

The time frame coupled with the location is going to make it very difficult if not impossible for us to go.  I think Nephew will be OK with it .... but Lakehouse Sally will not. 

She started to push DH about if we will be there  because we did not attend her daughters wedding.  ( The wedding date conflicted with our year in advance, planned, booked and paid for Disney vacation )  Sally really thought we should have rebooked or cancelled our trip. 

Dh said - you know, what we might be able to do - is leave sporting event early - drive straight up, go to evening wedding ( assuming it is an evening wedding - we don't know details yet ) , stay for some of the reception and head home.  ( Stopping midway to sleep and freshen up). Head out next AM.

Lakehouse Sally says - but you need to bring Mom to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding and the reception.  I need yo uto bring her and take care of her that weekend.  DH said - I don't think that 93 year old, mobility limited , slighty confused Mom is going to be OK with a 7 hour trip ,coupled with a hotel stay.  Plus we won't be able to come up on a Friday.  POF will not be able to take off work that week ( big board meeting is the following Monday ! ).

DH also said - we weren't planning on the rehearsal anyway since we aren't in the wedding.  Sally responds with - you just need to see that mom gets there.  DH said - you can't really assume that we will be available all weekend - you need to make some other arrangements.

If the wedding was local, we could easily get mom to the wedding.  Even if DH and I split up at times, we would be able to work it out.  But at a 7 hour away venue.  not going to happen. 
It was ver difficult getting her to my son's confirmation which was local and wheelchair accessible. .  She' s just very frail.

its going to be very interesting.



 


« Last Edit: October 19, 2014, 02:26:15 PM by POF »

ladyknight1

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2014, 09:10:33 AM »
In that case, I would probably go with DS to the sporting event and ask DH if he wanted to attend the wedding alone.

I don't think having a wedding more than two hours away from the area where an invited guest lives is a problem, and I do agree the HC and their parents should accept RSVPs of no gracefully.

CakeEater

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2014, 09:13:17 AM »
Sounds like your DH is saying all the right things.

Really, if it was important to them that you guys were available to get your MIL there and look after her (and I can understand why they don't want to do that given hosting duties), then you should have been involved in choosing the date.

Good luck!

JenJay

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2014, 09:18:30 AM »
She wants her 93 year old mother to sit in a car for 14 hours to go to a wedding? There's no way I'd do that to my Mom. I mean sure, if she was physically up for it and wanted to go, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here. Has Sally even asked Mom if she wants to be brought for the weekend?

As for you, I agree with LadyKnight1. I'd plan to take my son to the event and support DH in going to the wedding instead if he decided that's what he needed to do. I don't see how you could possibly make it to both with a 7 hour drive between events (actually at least 8 when you factor in stops for food and bathroom breaks, even if you keep them brief).

POF

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2014, 09:25:05 AM »
I have no problem with long distance or destination weddings as long as the happy couple ( or in this care the parents )  realize that it may make it impossible to for some people to go.  Instead of asking folks to block out a Saturday night - now you are asking for an entire weekend - which can be  more complicated .  It would involve DH and I taking at least one vacation day.

No way on earth - do I think MIL should be in a car 14 hours.  Its ridiculous.  but common sense is no ones strong point in this group of people.  I also am NOT going to responsible for her.  She is vert frail , prone to falls and doesn't want to use her walker.  In unfamiliar territory  she could fall and get really hurt.  Plus  - she could not be in a hotel room by herself. 

Not me - not doing it.  DH will just have to say no or take it on himself.

SamiHami

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2014, 09:33:27 AM »
It sounds like going to this wedding is going to be problematic for your family. It seems to me you have already made a commitment to your son to be at his event. I would simply skip the wedding entirely, send a nice gift and be done with it. The decision of whether or not to attend should not be based on how unhappy or inconvenienced Sally is going to feel.

As for the elderly MIL, not only would I not take her to the event, I would do everything in my power to stop anyone else from taking her. She sounds too frail and infirm to tolerate a trip like that. Sally is being a selfish jerk for wanting to put her through that.

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2014, 09:42:33 AM »
I think if DH wants to go, fine. But I would not. It isn't fair to your son.
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cicero

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2014, 09:50:22 AM »

DH also said - we weren't planning on the rehearsal anyway since we aren't in the wedding.  Sally responds with - you just need to see that mom gets there.  DH said - you can't really assume that we will be available all weekend - you need to make some other arrangements.


its going to be very interesting.
Ummm no. Not POF- family responsibility, it's lake house Sally's responsibility.

( Is the mother even able to sit in a car for seven hours? I understand she is frail, but even frail people can take trips).

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Twik

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2014, 10:06:25 AM »
Lakehouse Sally undoubtedly has little realization of her mother's health. I agree with SamiHami that the OP's husband should actively work to make sure his mother is NOT pestered into making a trip she's not physically capable of doing without risk to her wellbeing.

Otherwise, they have a previous engagement, and LHS will just have to accept that.
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JoyinVirginia

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2014, 10:07:21 AM »
I agree with SamiHami that dh should handle any requests from Lake house sally by saying that mil should not go at all. If Sally wants mil there she should hire a nursing assistant or companion to bring jet and care for her the entire weekend. if mil is confused now, who knows how she will be at time of the wedding. Or how her health will be.  You both should let the happy couple know that you cannot attend now, and with Sally just repeat the same info: we will not be able to  attend.
Edited to add: I used to take my mother on short trips before she became too frail and demented. Even a car ride of an hour was difficult. We had to have timed bathroom breaks that made the trip longer,  sitting to long in the car was painful, I had to make sure everywhere was wheelchair accessible, she got tired quickly. And very elderly frail people are very upset by changes in routine. Being away from familiar living situation for even a couple of days may result in increased confusion.
You can ask Sally does she really want elderly mother sitting there in the front row asking loudly ” who is that? Why are we here?”
« Last Edit: April 21, 2014, 10:14:30 AM by JoyinVirginia »

MrTango

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2014, 10:13:02 AM »
I would tell your DH that he can choose to RSVP yes or no for himself, but that you will be attending your DS's sporting event and will not be attending the wedding.

Let him do what he wants from there, and don't give Lakehouse Sally any more space in your head than that.

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2014, 10:19:06 AM »
You know you have been on ehell a while when you get really excited to see a Lakehouse Sally post!

guihong

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2014, 10:24:13 AM »
In your shoes, I would go to my son's event and not let Sally live in my head or feel one iota of guilt.   I would carefully explain to DH that "going to the wedding" means taking his frail mother 14 hours in the car-more, actually-and being responsible for her care on the trip and during the weekend.  I wouldn't want to do that kind of drive with that kind of turnaround even with someone who could look after themselves just fine.  That's ridiculous.

I would stick to my guns, and Sally will either get over it or die mad. 



Venus193

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2014, 10:38:25 AM »
It sounds like going to this wedding is going to be problematic for your family. It seems to me you have already made a commitment to your son to be at his event. I would simply skip the wedding entirely, send a nice gift and be done with it. The decision of whether or not to attend should not be based on how unhappy or inconvenienced Sally is going to feel.

As for the elderly MIL, not only would I not take her to the event, I would do everything in my power to stop anyone else from taking her. She sounds too frail and infirm to tolerate a trip like that. Sally is being a selfish jerk for wanting to put her through that.

This.

I forgot; how is Lakehouse Sally related to your DH?  It almost sounds like this location was chosen for maximum inconvenience and I also think you and your husband's primary duty is to your son.  I'd just decline, send a gift, and be done with it.

No way should your MIL have to endure this trip, either.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2014, 10:49:10 AM »
I think Lakehouse Sally has confused the concept of invitation with a Royal Summons.
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