Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12

[AvidReader]

It really is up to you and your DH.  If you issue regrets on behalf of both of you, then send a nice gift, wish the HC well and enjoy your son's sporting event.....very important....guilt-free.   Imagine how nice a gift you can send because you won't have the expenses of travel.

Just stop LHS in her tracks when she starts in between now and then.  EH has an entire forum on "I'm afraid that won't be possible." 

I have concerns about the 93 y/o.  Some might be spry and totally up for it, others just confused and exhausted by the experience.  You all know her best.  If it is that important to LHS for grandma to be there, let her take on that responsibility. 

[ladyknight1]

I would also have to say that in the last few years of my DH' grandmother's life. We could only drive her in a wheelchair capable van.

We found an RV rental with a wheelchair lift and that way she could lie down if she wanted and it had it's own restroom, so that was very helpful. However, we needed at least three other adults so that one could be driving, one sitting with DH' grandmother and one doing whatever else was needed. Most of the time, people came to her as it was too much to coordinate that many schedules, outlay the funds necessary and everyone was exhausted for a few days afterwards.

[VorFemme]

Grandma's doctor may have something to say about her getting into a vehicle for a seven hour drive to go to a wedding and a seven hour drive back - no matter how long she spends at the wedding location!

Sitting still very long can lead to clots forming in the veins - which can break free and migrate to various BAD places to be.  Cutting back on liquids to reduce the number of stops can lead to UTIs (been there, done that to myself) or pushing just a few minutes further down the road can lead to a need for a change of clothes.  Sticking to a diet while on the road is harder.  Seven hours is a full days of driving - even if you only stop once or twice for food, bathroom, and fuel.   Stopping more often is going to take a LOT more than seven hours...

If she can't sleep or sleeps too much during the drive - she is not going to be at her functional best in a strange location with a lot of people to see - at least some of them from the other side of the Happy Couple - probably strangers...depends on how well Grandma deals with strangers in strange locations after sleeping in strange positions in the car and lots of stops for whatever reason...

Good time to state that YOU already have all you can deal with taking your kid to the sporting event and let your DH deal with his sister (or is it his SIL?) and his mother's doctor, before trying to ask Grandma if she wants to go.  He might be better off showing up with a container for a slice of cake and a video camera - then take a big slice of cake and the resulting photos back to Grandma.

Or set up a Skype account & let her watch it "live" on a computer screen, while recording it for watching again later.

[thunderroad]

You know you have been on ehell a while when you get really excited to see a Lakehouse Sally post!

my thoughts, exactly!

[doodlemor]

Grandma's doctor may have something to say about her getting into a vehicle for a seven hour drive to go to a wedding and a seven hour drive back - no matter how long she spends at the wedding location!

Sitting still very long can lead to clots forming in the veins - which can break free and migrate to various BAD places to be.  Cutting back on liquids to reduce the number of stops can lead to UTIs (been there, done that to myself) or pushing just a few minutes further down the road can lead to a need for a change of clothes.  Sticking to a diet while on the road is harder.  Seven hours is a full days of driving - even if you only stop once or twice for food, bathroom, and fuel.   Stopping more often is going to take a LOT more than seven hours...

If she can't sleep or sleeps too much during the drive - she is not going to be at her functional best in a strange location with a lot of people to see - at least some of them from the other side of the Happy Couple - probably strangers...depends on how well Grandma deals with strangers in strange locations after sleeping in strange positions in the car and lots of stops for whatever reason...

Good time to state that YOU already have all you can deal with taking your kid to the sporting event and let your DH deal with his sister (or is it his SIL?) and his mother's doctor, before trying to ask Grandma if she wants to go.  He might be better off showing up with a container for a slice of cake and a video camera - then take a big slice of cake and the resulting photos back to Grandma.

Or set up a Skype account & let her watch it "live" on a computer screen, while recording it for watching again later.

Very wise post.  The bolded is a great compromise.

[YummyMummy66]

Grandma's doctor may have something to say about her getting into a vehicle for a seven hour drive to go to a wedding and a seven hour drive back - no matter how long she spends at the wedding location!

Sitting still very long can lead to clots forming in the veins - which can break free and migrate to various BAD places to be.  Cutting back on liquids to reduce the number of stops can lead to UTIs (been there, done that to myself) or pushing just a few minutes further down the road can lead to a need for a change of clothes.  Sticking to a diet while on the road is harder.  Seven hours is a full days of driving - even if you only stop once or twice for food, bathroom, and fuel.   Stopping more often is going to take a LOT more than seven hours...

If she can't sleep or sleeps too much during the drive - she is not going to be at her functional best in a strange location with a lot of people to see - at least some of them from the other side of the Happy Couple - probably strangers...depends on how well Grandma deals with strangers in strange locations after sleeping in strange positions in the car and lots of stops for whatever reason...

Good time to state that YOU already have all you can deal with taking your kid to the sporting event and let your DH deal with his sister (or is it his SIL?) and his mother's doctor, before trying to ask Grandma if she wants to go.  He might be better off showing up with a container for a slice of cake and a video camera - then take a big slice of cake and the resulting photos back to Grandma.

Or set up a Skype account & let her watch it "live" on a computer screen, while recording it for watching again later.

just wanted to add, I had one of my senior clients do exactly this.  One of his daughters brought her IPAD to him, and while the ceremony was happening, someone else on that end was videoing the event with their IPAD. So, Grandpa got to see one of his grandchildren getting married and the actual ceremony at the same time as everyone else.  He loved it.

[POF]

Would it help put in in perspective that last year they INSISTED ( Lakehouse and her daughter Betty ) that MIL attend one of Bett's children's birthday party at a BOWLING ALLEY ! .  She seriously did not want to go - but they kept insisting on it. She hated it

[JenJay]

 

Can your husband get between his Mom and his sister and insist that LHS stop being such a selfish idiot where Mom's health is concerned?! I'd go so far as to call or visit Mom's doctor and confirm that she ought not take a 14 hour round-trip car ride and then put my foot down on those grounds.

[SamiHami]

I agree with JenJay. LHS can insist all she wants, but insisting on this foolishness can result in serious illness or injury for your MIL. I really think that someone-your DH? needs to drop the hammer on LHS and flat out tell her that MIL will not be coming to the wedding, it's a selfish, foolish and dangerous idea. I wouldn't hesitate to go to MIL's doctor about this as well. LHS doesn't get to endanger others.

[mime]

POD to SamiHami's suggestion of talking to MIL's doctor. While I can't imagine my 91-year old grandmother making a 30 minute trip anywhere without getting confused and exhausted, her brother was the exact opposite and very capable until just the last few months of life in his mid 90s. Their doctor (the same woman for both of them) would have known the limits of either patient, and made recommendations according to that expertise.

As for missing the wedding: I had two uncles (not great-uncles, but 1-generation 'uncle'). They travelled from Arkansas and South Carolina to my wedding in Minnesota in winter and I will always remember and be very grateful for that. *But* my uncles were the only two people besides DH and my parents who were so important that we cleared the date with them before setting it. With all other guests, we were prepared for the possibility of schedule conflicts, and we accepted their "no" RSVPs gracefully.

[Luci]

Would it help put in in perspective that last year they INSISTED ( Lakehouse and her daughter Betty ) that MIL attend one of Bett's children's birthday party at a BOWLING ALLEY ! .  She seriously did not want to go - but they kept insisting on it. She hated it

Aside from physically coming and getting her and taking her in and out of the vehicle, how could they make her go?

Am I too stubborn? I had a terrible, terrible headache one Easter and finally talked Lucas and the kids into going to the family get together without me. They were reluctant and argued, but I won.

I think we have all been saying the trip doesn't sound like a good idea.
 

[blarg314]

Would it help put in in perspective that last year they INSISTED ( Lakehouse and her daughter Betty ) that MIL attend one of Bett's children's birthday party at a BOWLING ALLEY ! .  She seriously did not want to go - but they kept insisting on it. She hated it

Aside from physically coming and getting her and taking her in and out of the vehicle, how could they make her go?

It sounds like this is what Sally wants the OP and her husband to do.

And I can see how a frail 93 year old could be bullied into going by a forceful and selfish younger relative.

[PastryGoddess]

Just because LHS wants you to do something doesn't mean you have to do it.  No is a complete sentence right?  So what if she's unhappy, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. 

Didn't someone already say she'll get over it or die mad? 

[sammycat]

I wouldn't drive 7 hours for anyone's wedding (except for that of my own child).

I wouldn't expect a 90+ year old person to travel that distance, for any reason.

I wouldn't miss out on my child's special event for anyone's else's activity.

I wouldn't give LHS the time of day.

I would RSVP 'no' to this wedding, send a nice present, and be done with it. The HC seem ok with that; LHS's wants don't enter into it.

[RooRoo]

How close is DS's event to you? Would your Mom like to go to that? (or be able to?)

I think Lakehouse Sally wouldn't know a hint - or just a polite refusal - if it ran over her in a bus. Perhaps it is time to go off on her.

Would E-hellions approve of something like "Sally, you are not thinking this through. You are asking a 93 year old woman to do something that will cause her a lot of pain! ...and if you had called us when you were setting the date, you would have known that we will be attending DS's event."