Author Topic: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - wedding update #12  (Read 38706 times)

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TheaterDiva1

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #60 on: May 06, 2014, 01:58:06 PM »
Has anyone asked MIL herself what she wants to do? She may not even want to go - in which case, it's a moot point.

If she does want to go/feels up to it (and the doctor okays it), you can help come up with a plan to get her there - hire a nurse, for example. LHS should pay for that if she wants her there.

POF

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #61 on: May 06, 2014, 04:11:14 PM »
Do ya really want to know what my 93 year - no brain to mouth filter left MIL said when the wedding recently came up as a topic ?    Doesn't matter - maybe I'll be dead by then.   (no she is not depressed .... she just matter of factly doesn't like to make plans to far ahead becasue she might be dead   :o).  I actually like her practical no - nonsense manner.

When asked what she would like for her 90th birthday - she didn't know .... she might be dead by then.  I replied - OK - I'll be sure to get a gift receipt in case I need to return your gift. her response ... good thinking..  everyone else ..... very horrified at our conversation.

She would seriously be entertaining at a wedding.

gramma dishes

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #62 on: May 06, 2014, 04:16:53 PM »
Sounds like your MIL is just stating facts.  She hasn't said anything negative or offensive about other people or even events.  "Just the facts, Maam" -- as she sees them.  Personally I think that's delightful and refreshing.   :)

wolfie

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #63 on: May 06, 2014, 04:19:25 PM »
Has anyone asked MIL herself what she wants to do? She may not even want to go - in which case, it's a moot point.

If she does want to go/feels up to it (and the doctor okays it), you can help come up with a plan to get her there - hire a nurse, for example. LHS should pay for that if she wants her there.

on the other hand it really isn't for the OP to solve this problem. If LHS wants her mom there then LHS can figure out how to get her there and make sure that she is taken care of. It is her child's wedding after all.

Mergatroyd

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #64 on: May 06, 2014, 07:51:25 PM »
Do ya really want to know what my 93 year - no brain to mouth filter left MIL said when the wedding recently came up as a topic ?    Doesn't matter - maybe I'll be dead by then.   (no she is not depressed .... she just matter of factly doesn't like to make plans to far ahead becasue she might be dead   :o).  I actually like her practical no - nonsense manner.

When asked what she would like for her 90th birthday - she didn't know .... she might be dead by then.  I replied - OK - I'll be sure to get a gift receipt in case I need to return your gift. her response ... good thinking..  everyone else ..... very horrified at our conversation.

She would seriously be entertaining at a wedding.

I like her already.

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #65 on: May 06, 2014, 11:10:16 PM »
I can picture it now. Grandma at the wedding.  lake house Sally says she is so glad mom is there. Grandma says don't celebrate too soon, I might be dead before the day is out. I almost hope grandma does get to the wedding to spread cheer!
The more I hear about grandma, the more I like her.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #66 on: May 07, 2014, 01:20:25 PM »
DH's 93 year old grandmother barely made it to her daughter's house for Easter dinner - and that was less than a 10 min drive!  She also left after 2 hours, because the stimulation was just too much for her.  I can't see her doing a 7 hour drive at all, much less overnighting in a hotel, etc.  Lakehouse Sally will, in ehell parlance, have to get over it or die mad.  It's not anyone's "job" to make someone attend a wedding. 

I was incredibly grateful that a large chunk of my family all drove 14 hours to make it to my wedding.  It meant so much to me that they were there.  I would have been sad, but totally understood, if any of them had said, "LadySnowdon, I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work".

I have an 89 year old neighbor, who still has all her marbles, is mobile, and still drives locally. That being said, she has family within an hour's drive in either direction. She isn't comfortable driving to her daughter's so they come get her for holidays etc. She will drive the other way to her son's but when her grandaughter's baby's christening was happening, she politely declined, as despite the fact she's not an invalid, sometimes social gatherings are a bit much for her. Everyone was fine with it.

Nuala

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #67 on: May 07, 2014, 07:21:43 PM »
Lake House Sally thinks she is both the star and the director, and that the rest of you are there to support her vision. She thinks it will look good for her 93 year old mother to be at the wedding, so of course her brother will bring mom. He exists only to support her production.

Remember that you are the stars of your own show and it needn't overlap with hers. The athletic event is where you want to be and where you need to be. LHS will have to find other supporting actors or put on a smaller production.


POF

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding
« Reply #68 on: May 07, 2014, 09:03:09 PM »
Lake House Sally thinks she is both the star and the director, and that the rest of you are there to support her vision. She thinks it will look good for her 93 year old mother to be at the wedding, so of course her brother will bring mom. He exists only to support her production.

Remember that you are the stars of your own show and it needn't overlap with hers. The athletic event is where you want to be and where you need to be. LHS will have to find other supporting actors or put on a smaller production.

You NAILED it.  That is exactly it ....

POF

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - small update page #6
« Reply #69 on: June 05, 2014, 11:04:39 AM »
Small update:

Venue has been booked and is 3 1/2 hours away.  So considering that most X-country meets are over by noon - then we could do both if it is an evening wedding.

We will need to stay overnight and will need two rooms - since I don't think MIL can stay by herself in a hotel room. - so this will run $$ since it is peak foliage / tour season in this area. ( We would book the boys and DH and I into one room - it would be crowded - but OK for one night )

As far as bringing MIL, I told DH very firmly that I felt it was a mistake and that she is too frail for that long of a drive and to stay all night in a hotel.  I also told him - she hates commotion and noise - so how is she going to manage a wedding reception for any length of time.  I also told him that I really do not want to be appointed her caretaker.  She's nice - but very demandig with me.  I will be expected to be at her side entertaining her the entire trip.

DH - tells me not to worry about it .... which means that he doesn't want to deal with it. He hates conflict and thinks if he ignores it - it will all work. 

I also told him that I consider a wedding where we have to drive more than 2 hours and stay over a destiation wedding and I will be adjusting down the gift.  Actually - it would be fine and fun - but I will have custody of a frail cranky old gal :) 

So ----- we will see .........

MrTango

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - small update page #6
« Reply #70 on: June 05, 2014, 11:14:28 AM »
Given your update, and especially given your DH's aversion to conflict, I'd be pretty firm with him about how he will be responsible for entertaining and caring for his mother during the trip and that you are not going to let him dump that task on you.

Basically, don't let his aversion to conflict cause you to have to take on additional responsibilities.

JenJay

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - small update page #6
« Reply #71 on: June 05, 2014, 11:17:33 AM »
Why would you have to pay for MIL's hotel room? That needs to come from your SIL, the one who is insisting you bring MIL in the first place.  :-\

ladyknight1

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - small update page #6
« Reply #72 on: June 05, 2014, 11:19:59 AM »
Given your update, and especially given your DH's aversion to conflict, I'd be pretty firm with him about how he will be responsible for entertaining and caring for his mother during the trip and that you are not going to let him dump that task on you.

Basically, don't let his aversion to conflict cause you to have to take on additional responsibilities.

POD. Not to mention that it is unfair to everyone if you have to spend all of your time catering to MIL.

Luci

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - small update page #6
« Reply #73 on: June 05, 2014, 11:53:20 AM »
Given your update, and especially given your DH's aversion to conflict, I'd be pretty firm with him about how he will be responsible for entertaining and caring for his mother during the trip and that you are not going to let him dump that task on you.

Basically, don't let his aversion to conflict cause you to have to take on additional responsibilities.

But, in real life, someone saying he will be responsible and coming through are two quite different things. If he does dump it  on her, POF is still going to take over. The alternative would be the nice woman sitting by herself, whining and being ignored and miserable. POF would not let that happen!

PastryGoddess

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Re: Lakehouse Sally and an upcoming wedding - small update page #6
« Reply #74 on: June 05, 2014, 01:13:52 PM »
It's much easier for your DH to make you unhappy than it is to make someone else unhappy.  Why is that?

Honestly, your DH doesn't really matter at this point.  What do you want to do?  If you don't want to be stuck caring for MIL, then you need to state that fact to both your husband and SIL.  You haven't told SIL that you aren't doing it, so of course she's assuming that you are.  You've discussed it with your husband, but you know he's not going to touch it with a 10 ft pole. 

If they really want you to do it, then there need to be significant concessions to your wants and needs or else, it doesn't happen.