Got a "Send Out Cards" thank you note

[TootsNYC]

I'll be honest--I'd rather get an email or even a message on my Facebook wall, as long as that make sit clear that the recipient actually focused on me (and on my gift) for a minute or two.

The more personalized the contents of the note, the greater my forgiveness for any or all "errors" of form (printed, handwritten, w/ adverts on it, etc.).

I just want to be "seen."
When I *give* a gift, I "see" you; in the case of this bride, I spent a lot of time thinking of something I could do that would personalize the gift, and then of course, the making of it.

[Yvaine]

Oh yuck, Send Out Cards. They're an MLM with a heavy guilt trip element. Somebody probably convinced them this was a good idea.   

[camlan]

I'd never heard of this, so I looked up the company and I agree with Yvaine--MLM with a lot of heavy pressure.

I don't mind typed thank you notes. With the lack of attention being paid to handwriting these days, at least a typed note is readable.

But ads?!? On a thank you note!?! Tacky. Very tacky. I wonder if the company tells people that there will be ads on their cards.

Basically, I just want to be thanked for a gift. Call me on the phone, email me, track me down in person, send me a note. (Don't tweet me, though. I want more than 140 characters of thanks.) But don't use the occasion as a reason for more advertising to enter my life.

A thank you note should not be viewed as a business opportunity.

[kareng57]

I think it's weird to say, "We really love the wineglasses!" when the recipient registered for them. There's a logic problem.

If I, the giver, had picked out a vase using -my- judgment, it would be logical to compliment the glasses, bcs then you're complimenting my taste. "You picked well! I love them too."

But when the recipient picked the glasses out, well, of course you love how they look, because you chose them. It's sort of illogical to compliment me on my taste, becasue it wasn't my taste. I wasn't involved in choosing them beyond picking them to buy.
  If the recipient said, "we're glad to get these, because we know they're the useful ones from our list," well, logically I'm involved in choosing them over the water goblets. Or if you said, "we're looking forward to the dinner parties we'll use them at," then I get to say, "oh, I helped you have fancy dinner parties because now you have wine glasses to be fancy with"--my giving them to you made the dinner parties more enjoyable, and I -was- involved with that, bcs I didn't have to give you wine glasses.

Or, more to your point, specifically, if she'd said, "We'll think of you when you use them," well, great! because I was involved in giving them, and it's logical.
  But to say, "The glasses you gave us are so lovely!" is weird when I gave you the very glasses -you- picked out and put on your registry (presumably because you already thought they were lovely).

I'll agree with PPs in that I find this objection to be incredibly picky.  Yes, of course they ought to love the glasses since they chose them - but can't they be delighted in that you agreed with the choice enough to buy them for them?

Getting personalized TY notes these days is uncommon enough; I'd hate for HCs to think that their notes will be put under a microscope like this.

[gellchom]

I think it's weird to say, "We really love the wineglasses!" when the recipient registered for them. There's a logic problem.

If I, the giver, had picked out a vase using -my- judgment, it would be logical to compliment the glasses, bcs then you're complimenting my taste. "You picked well! I love them too."

But when the recipient picked the glasses out, well, of course you love how they look, because you chose them. It's sort of illogical to compliment me on my taste, becasue it wasn't my taste. I wasn't involved in choosing them beyond picking them to buy.
  If the recipient said, "we're glad to get these, because we know they're the useful ones from our list," well, logically I'm involved in choosing them over the water goblets. Or if you said, "we're looking forward to the dinner parties we'll use them at," then I get to say, "oh, I helped you have fancy dinner parties because now you have wine glasses to be fancy with"--my giving them to you made the dinner parties more enjoyable, and I -was- involved with that, bcs I didn't have to give you wine glasses.

Or, more to your point, specifically, if she'd said, "We'll think of you when you use them," well, great! because I was involved in giving them, and it's logical.
  But to say, "The glasses you gave us are so lovely!" is weird when I gave you the very glasses -you- picked out and put on your registry (presumably because you already thought they were lovely).

I'll agree with PPs in that I find this objection to be incredibly picky.  Yes, of course they ought to love the glasses since they chose them - but can't they be delighted in that you agreed with the choice enough to buy them for them?

Getting personalized TY notes these days is uncommon enough; I'd hate for HCs to think that their notes will be put under a microscope like this.

Well, they didn't just say they loved them.  They thanked us for "the beautiful stemware."  I'm sorry you find it "incredibly picky," but how is that anything other than complimenting their own good taste?   It's not like they couldn't easily have said something else, like "We are looking forward to entertaining and greatly appreciate your helping us to do so with your gift."  And to be fair, I did make a point of saying that that was just a side issue that made me laugh, and that their thanking us promptly for the gift was the point.

I also disagree that "[g]etting personalized TY notes these days is uncommon."  I get them for almost every gift I send, certainly for wedding gifts.  I'm surprised that you don't -- or maybe you do, and we are just sort of going with an "everyone knows" kind of thing based on a few anecdotes.

I typed all my TY notes.  I wanted them to be legible.

Frankly, I think its obnoxious to be precious about the form of the TY you received.  People who don't care don't send them at all.  I might form opinions on whether the style of note was to my particular taste, but I always assume the content was genuinely meant.

Katycoo -- ouch!  When did I say I didn't think that the content was genuinely meant?  Of course it was -- why wouldn't it have been?  I have no idea why you would say that, nor why, when you say that you yourself  "might form opinions on whether the style of note was to [your] particular taste," that you would call me names like "precious" and "obnoxious" for doing exactly that.  That was not fair.

If I hit a nerve because you typed your thank you notes, let me assure you that although I prefer hand-written notes, I wouldn't think a thing of it if I got a typed one, although I still think that the signature should be handwritten.  Anyway, you didn't farm them out to some company to do them for you, you did them yourself, and that's what matters.

[katycoo]

I typed all my TY notes.  I wanted them to be legible.

Frankly, I think its obnoxious to be precious about the form of the TY you received.  People who don't care don't send them at all.  I might form opinions on whether the style of note was to my particular taste, but I always assume the content was genuinely meant.

Katycoo -- ouch!  When did I say I didn't think that the content was genuinely meant?  Of course it was -- why wouldn't it have been?  I have no idea why you would say that, nor why, when you say that you yourself  "might form opinions on whether the style of note was to [your] particular taste," that you would call me names like "precious" and "obnoxious" for doing exactly that.  That was not fair.

If I hit a nerve because you typed your thank you notes, let me assure you that although I prefer hand-written notes, I wouldn't think a thing of it if I got a typed one, although I still think that the signature should be handwritten.  Anyway, you didn't farm them out to some company to do them for you, you did them yourself, and that's what matters.

I didn't call you anything.  My comment was a general observation that addressed a number of previous posters comments.

My reference to "Style" had to do more with the font or choice of stationery than whether it was typed or pre-printed.

[kareng57]

I think it's weird to say, "We really love the wineglasses!" when the recipient registered for them. There's a logic problem.

If I, the giver, had picked out a vase using -my- judgment, it would be logical to compliment the glasses, bcs then you're complimenting my taste. "You picked well! I love them too."

But when the recipient picked the glasses out, well, of course you love how they look, because you chose them. It's sort of illogical to compliment me on my taste, becasue it wasn't my taste. I wasn't involved in choosing them beyond picking them to buy.
  If the recipient said, "we're glad to get these, because we know they're the useful ones from our list," well, logically I'm involved in choosing them over the water goblets. Or if you said, "we're looking forward to the dinner parties we'll use them at," then I get to say, "oh, I helped you have fancy dinner parties because now you have wine glasses to be fancy with"--my giving them to you made the dinner parties more enjoyable, and I -was- involved with that, bcs I didn't have to give you wine glasses.

Or, more to your point, specifically, if she'd said, "We'll think of you when you use them," well, great! because I was involved in giving them, and it's logical.
  But to say, "The glasses you gave us are so lovely!" is weird when I gave you the very glasses -you- picked out and put on your registry (presumably because you already thought they were lovely).

I'll agree with PPs in that I find this objection to be incredibly picky.  Yes, of course they ought to love the glasses since they chose them - but can't they be delighted in that you agreed with the choice enough to buy them for them?

Getting personalized TY notes these days is uncommon enough; I'd hate for HCs to think that their notes will be put under a microscope like this.

Well, they didn't just say they loved them.  They thanked us for "the beautiful stemware."  I'm sorry you find it "incredibly picky," but how is that anything other than complimenting their own good taste?   It's not like they couldn't easily have said something else, like "We are looking forward to entertaining and greatly appreciate your helping us to do so with your gift."  And to be fair, I did make a point of saying that that was just a side issue that made me laugh, and that their thanking us promptly for the gift was the point.

I also disagree that "[g]etting personalized TY notes these days is uncommon."  I get them for almost every gift I send, certainly for wedding gifts.  I'm surprised that you don't -- or maybe you do, and we are just sort of going with an "everyone knows" kind of thing based on a few anecdotes.

I typed all my TY notes.  I wanted them to be legible.

Frankly, I think its obnoxious to be precious about the form of the TY you received.  People who don't care don't send them at all.  I might form opinions on whether the style of note was to my particular taste, but I always assume the content was genuinely meant.

Katycoo -- ouch!  When did I say I didn't think that the content was genuinely meant?  Of course it was -- why wouldn't it have been?  I have no idea why you would say that, nor why, when you say that you yourself  "might form opinions on whether the style of note was to [your] particular taste," that you would call me names like "precious" and "obnoxious" for doing exactly that.  That was not fair.

If I hit a nerve because you typed your thank you notes, let me assure you that although I prefer hand-written notes, I wouldn't think a thing of it if I got a typed one, although I still think that the signature should be handwritten.  Anyway, you didn't farm them out to some company to do them for you, you did them yourself, and that's what matters.

I think that there's been a mixup here.  I was responding to Toots NY's post, not yours.

[aussie_chick]

I'm not sure I find it negative that they said thanks for a specific gift Or that they indicated it was a good choice and they love them. They may be thanking their own good taste but also what they're saying is "thank you so much for getting us the stemware we wanted and love and not some crappy toaster you found on sale somewhere" (ok I added the toaster and sale from my own imagination)

I do find some kind of MLM card tacky and from the brief look I had at the website - it's dodgy!

[TurtleDove]

I send thank you notes, and I appreciate getting them. But assuming I like the person I gave a gift to, I cannot imagine spending any time or effort tearing them down and picking apart how and whether they thanked me in the particular ways some posters are. If I genuinely like someone, what good does tearing them apart do? And if I don't genuinely like someone, why waste my time on them and their atrociously poor manners?

[Margo]

I wonder whether the couple knew hat the cards would include advertising? Those cards do sound dreadful and very impersonal.

I agree that some level of personal input is important, whether it is handwriting the notes, or personalising them  by mentioning the specific gift, or particular comments about the wedding etc.

I don't think mentioning how lovely the gift is, even where the couple picked it out, is wrong - it must be difficult to try to think of things to say about each gift as you write a lot of thank you notes, and while it might be better to say "we'll think of you when we use them" or "we really enjoy the feeling of luxury that having good china a glass gives us"  or whatever, but I think hey have covered the bases of (i) thanking you for your gift and (ii) showing that they noticed *which* gift was from you.

I find it very disappointing when I get a really short thank you which feels like a one size fits response, as it can feel as though hey are just sending the thanks as a matter of form, and that they don't truly appreciate the gift - especially if the gift is something which I have taken time and effort to find, and given a lot of thought to what the recipient will like. I think it is because it feels as though they have not made much effort. But I'm thinking of a situation wew you et a 'thank you for the lovely gift' and nothing more.

[Eve_Eire]

I got a thank you note from a friend just under a year after her wedding.  It was a pre-printed standard that went to all the guests.  The only handwritten part was my name.  The rest was all typed and was basically a one text fits all "thank you for the gift", "we had a wonderful day, thank you for being there, it was great to have you share the day with us".

The thing is though, I wasn't at the wedding!  I was invited and I declined but sent a gift.  So even though they did (eventually) send thank you notes, the sentiment behind them just felt so empty.

[TootsNYC]

I send thank you notes, and I appreciate getting them. But assuming I like the person I gave a gift to, I cannot imagine spending any time or effort tearing them down and picking apart how and whether they thanked me in the particular ways some posters are. If I genuinely like someone, what good does tearing them apart do? And if I don't genuinely like someone, why waste my time on them and their atrociously poor manners?

I think you're overstating people's reactions. I -know- you're overstating mine.