Author Topic: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!  (Read 3420 times)

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Dragonflymom

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Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« on: April 21, 2014, 08:21:02 PM »
A couple months ago, somebody really went off on me about a harmless picture I shared that another friend had posted.  It showed a couple firemen with their shirts off, standing around talking, not even in sexy poses or anything, and said "Suddenly my house caught on fire".  Clearly intended to be a joke, and the person who went off on me knew my husband used to be a volunteer firefighter.  He made a nasty comment on the picture, implying that my sharing it was giving him body image issues, complete with a sarcastic "thanks" at the end.  Then proceeds to make more nasty comments when my husband and a male friend made comments defending me and saying if the picture gave him body image issues that was on him.  Within an hour he'd deleted all of his comments, sent me a non apology message complete with a lecture on how "objectification leads to abuse" "you of all people should understand" "jokes with your husband are fine but Facebook is a public place ya know" and similar condescending nastiness.

This same person had gone off on me less than a month prior, because I shared a horoscope thing I thought was interesting, but had only skimmed through it, and missed the X number of years of bad luck if you don't share thing that was way at the end.  His comments implied I personally was wishing him bad luck and that I was bullying him by sharing it.  That time, I deleted my post because I thought it was my fault that I missed the bad luck thing at the end and felt bad for apparently making him feel bullied.

After his nastiness with the firemen photo I shared, he posted on his page about how Facebook wasn't a good place for him and he'd be leaving Facebook.  So he got all kinds of virtual hugs and sympathy, and of course nobody saw the mean stuff he did to me because he deleted all his comments (we are both in the local music community and had about a hundred mutual Facebook friends).

So after getting all this sympathy for his nastiness, and all the virtual hugs and everything, he's back to posting again the next day like nothing happened.   Then making some nasty vaguebooking posts that were pretty clearly directed at me, since I didn't apologize for my post that supposedly gave him body image issues, didn't delete it, and didn't respond the way he wanted to his non apology.

I ended up blocking him on Facebook because at that point reading his posts just enraged me, but I wonder if there would have been a polite way to call him out for his manipulative sympathy seeking "leaving Facebook" post right after what he did to me that I might have missed in the heat of the moment?

If it matters, this was my former band leader.  I've posted about him here before, but that was some years ago and those posts don't seem to be turning up now when I tried to find them for background.  So for a brief background, he expected me to teach the same songs over and over again to his friend the clarinetist in rehearsals, while not expecting his friend to practice because his friend was "busy" then broke up the band when I told him that wasn't working for me after a year and a half of teaching the same guy the same songs and hearing him make the same mistakes at gigs.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

JenJay

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2014, 08:25:32 PM »
He sounds like an overly-dramatic tween! Blocking him was best. Calling him out, even gently, would have only provided him with another opportunity to call you a bully.

Dragonflymom

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2014, 08:26:34 PM »
Thanks that is a good point, which I hadn't thought of.

He is actually over ten years older than me, and I'm in my early forties  *LOL*
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

demarco

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2014, 09:01:13 PM »
He sounds like an overly-dramatic tween! Blocking him was best. Calling him out, even gently, would have only provided him with another opportunity to call you a bully.

ITA. The guy sounds like a twelve year old. Desperate for attention and looking for a fight. Block and don't engage.


Dragonflymom

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2014, 09:04:53 PM »
He sounds like an overly-dramatic tween! Blocking him was best. Calling him out, even gently, would have only provided him with another opportunity to call you a bully.

ITA. The guy sounds like a twelve year old. Desperate for attention and looking for a fight. Block and don't engage.

Thanks.  Glad there is a consensus and I did the right thing.  I will keep him blocked on FB, and he definitely won't be invited to sit in at any more of my current band's performances.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

purple

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2014, 09:09:28 PM »
Block. Forget.

sammycat

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2014, 09:40:55 PM »
You did the right thing. As the saying goes, 'don't engage the crazy'.

Is he this ridiculous and drama llamish in real life, or only online?

Dragonflymom

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2014, 09:52:43 PM »
In real life, sometimes he is very nice.  Sometimes he's really passive aggressively mean, but only when he thinks others won't notice.  Sometimes he'd yell at my husband or I just for pointing out that his instrument seemed to be turned up painfully loud when he was doing a sound check.  You just never know what you're going to get with him.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

JoieGirl7

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2014, 09:58:26 PM »
There is no worse sin than making something like music not fun.  He sounds like a jerk.  Why would you want to have contact with him anymore?

Rest assured you are giving him what he wants by blocking him.  Now, he can vague book to his heart's content about how "some people" blah blah blah.  He will get more sympathy and virtual hugs.

I doubt that he can hide his behavior from any but the most obscure FB friends so who cares?

What you get is some peace.  Life is to short to waste any on jerks.  (Or so I have been told!)

veronaz

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2014, 10:03:16 PM »

Arila

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2014, 02:17:38 PM »
You don't need to respond. Everyone who saw his pathetic, whiney leaving facebook post followed by posting as usual the very next day have already got his number.  Resist the urge to bang them over the head with more clue-by-fours, and making yourself look as bad as him.

lowspark

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2014, 02:22:50 PM »
This is just an example of the "nobody loves me I'm going to go eat worms" attention-getting ploy which pays off when everyone responds sympathetically with comments such as "don't go, we love you!". Best reaction to this is to ignore, and yes, block.

nayberry

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2014, 02:54:14 PM »
This is just an example of the "nobody loves me I'm going to go eat worms" attention-getting ploy which pays off when everyone responds sympathetically with comments such as "don't go, we love you!". Best reaction to this is to ignore, and yes, block.

^^ pod!

Mikayla

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2014, 03:03:11 PM »
The only thing more annoying than a "goodbye, cruel FB" post is one that isn't even true.

ETA to fix odd syntax!
« Last Edit: April 22, 2014, 03:05:17 PM by Mikayla »

Allyson

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Re: Leaving Facebook - whoops now I'm back again!
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2014, 01:32:57 AM »
The only thing more annoying than a "goodbye, cruel FB" post is one that isn't even true.


Ha! So true. Ok, really, the picture thing is just ridiculous. Considering the number of sexy women *everywhere* *all the time*...but I find some guys are like this, they react incredibly badly to it going the other way. I knew someone who had a Facebook friend who posted sexy women pictures all the time, but when she posted a sexy guy, he got super nasty about it.

Also people really should stop abusing the term "bully". It doesn't mean 'anything that makes you feel less than positive'.