I get that the GF answered the mom's questions about the disability and volunteered some more information...despite how intrusive that felt. I am still not putting blame on the parents. Not because I think the GF should have said more (it's not what she said but the attitude/expectation she came with that I don't like), but because the person that communicated the need to stay one more night didn't even understand the severity of the situation. If the person asking the question doesn't even know that she's in too much pain to walk, how in the world do you expect that the parents are going to get it? It makes absolutely no sense to blame them when it's almost impossible that they had a clue how bad her situation was.
See, to me, this argument makes no sense. It assumes that there are "magic words" that GF or BF could have used that would have made the parents "get" the GF's situation, and to become welcoming and hospitable. I don't think such words exist. From what I've read, the parents had made up their minds to dislike GF and consider her a user or lazy or whatever, and nothing anyone could have said would have changed their minds. I just don't get how the GF communicating better what her disability may entail could have helped the situation at all.
Exactly. Some of us have tried for 10 or 20 or 30 years
to find the magic words that would make our BF/DH's parents like and understand us. There are no such words.
If your Boyfriend/Husband's mother has made up her mind to dislike you, nothing that you will ever do or say can change that. The BF's mother in this account has made up her mind that the GF would be a millstone around his neck, and is doing her level best to drive her away.
My MIL was one such person. She started disliking me before she even met me; I ran across a letter from her to DH in a pile of paperwork after we married. She said some really hateful things, including that I was sleeping around while we were separated and would probably be pregnant with another man's child when we got married. (I was in Texas, finishing school, and he was stationed in Alaska. MIL was in New York and had never met me.)
And in an exact parallel to this letter, we were visiting once when I was heavily pregnant with DD1, their first grandchild. I was in severe pain in my hips and pelvis from what was probably my first fibromyalgia flare combined with the loosening ligaments pre-birth, and could barely walk for the pain. Climbing stairs was agony, to the point that I had to stop after every 3rd or 4th step to let it ease and gather enough energy to go on. MIL saw this, and mentioned to DH that I was "walking like an old woman." And her loving
response? She tried to tell me that the downstairs powder room was "only for guests and family" and that I should go upstairs to the main bathroom when I needed to pee. (At that point in my pregnancy, that was about every hour.) I ignored her, and used the powder room anyway.
I think that's exactly what the BF's mother here did. She dislikes the GF, thinks she's a burden, and can't wait to get rid of her. She only tolerated her during the holiday because that was the only way to make her son stay, and now that Xmas was over, hopes to break them up by criticizing her and driving her away. That the GF was in pain was a bonus. Cause her enough pain, and she'll see that she can't possibly be the right mate for Sonnyboy.