I would like to get some opinions on this situation outlined below. I am sorry that this post has ended up being so long.
Boyfriend and Girlfriend are both adults in a long distance relationship (4-5 hour drive depending on traffic). Girlfriend owns her own house and has a friend living with her as a lodger. An accident a number of years ago left Girlfriend with a spinal injury causing chronic pain and she usually walks with a stick. She canít stand still for long and generally canít stay in one position for too long as both of these cause intense pain. However, she is very positively minded about her disability and is still able to do lots of things providing she can do them at her own pace and can rest when she needs to. (This becomes important later on).
Boyfriend works full time, is living with his parents and pays rent. He spends the vast majority of the time he is in the house in his room. In the kitchen, his food is kept separately from the food bought by his parents and he generally does not eat meals with them. He cooks his food in the kitchen and then eats in his room. Basically (in my opinion) he lives as though he is a lodger in their house, rather than as a son living with his parents.
Boyfriend asked his parents if they would be okay with Girlfriend staying with him for the occasional weekend on the basis that he will check prior to each visit that the weekend chosen is not going to be a problem. They were fine with this.
Girlfriend visits for the first time and is introduced to Boyfriendís parents. Mother was friendly to the point of being over friendly Ė hugging her when introduced and asking very probing questions. Girlfriend is slightly uncomfortable with this, but makes sure not to let that show. She asks what they would like her to call them (meaning for example, Mr and Mrs ďSurnameĒ or their first names). Parents look at each other, and then Mother says to call them Mum and Dad. Girlfriend was very surprised at this, since it was their first meeting. Mother seemed to notice and suggested she call them by their first names if she preferred (which she does) and told her to make herself at home.
Taking her cue from Boyfriend, Girlfriend did spend a lot of the time they were actually in the house in his room with him (he has a TV and computer in there). She was polite and friendly to his parents and spent time in the sitting room with them. She and Boyfriend took Mother out to lunch (Father wasnít available to join them). The weekend seemed to pass smoothly and Girlfriend left on what she thought were good terms with Boyfriendís parents, although she did notice that Father seemed quite standoffish and she was a little worried that he wasnít happy with her being in the house. When she mentioned this to Boyfriend, he said his dad wasnít really a people person and it was certainly nothing personal.
Girlfriend visited again around two months later, and the weekend went pretty much the same as the first visit did. During this visit, Mother took Girlfriend aside and asked questions about her disability and why the spinal injury canít simply be fixed by surgery. Girlfriend was surprised at this intrusion. She answered the questions as she didnít want to antagonise Mother, even though she would have preferred not to discuss her private medical issues. Following this visit Mother made a few comments to Boyfriend about how she feels Girlfriend is not the right person for him.
Things came to a head at Christmas (2013). Boyfriend and Girlfriend had already planned to spend Christmas at Girlfriendís house. Then Boyfriendís parents decided they were going to host a big family Christmas and made it clear they expected him to be there for it, even though they knew he had made other plans. Boyfriend explained that he was already committed to spending Christmas with Girlfriend at her home. Mother stepped up the pressure and finally, when she realised Boyfriend was not going to cave in, she invited Girlfriend to join the family Christmas. After some discussion with Boyfriend, Girlfriend accepted the invitation thinking his parents would appreciate this as it meant they had their son with them for Christmas.
When Girlfriend arrived at the family home prior to Christmas Day, Boyfriend was still at work. Mother let her in and she watched a film with Mother and Father and then sat and talked with them whilst waiting for Boyfriend to come home. On Christmas Day, Girlfriend spent the entire day in the sitting room with the family. By the time other guests were leaving, she was in considerable pain from sitting around for so long. Because of this, she ended up having to spend most of the following day in bed. Boyfriendís sister and her boyfriend had also stayed the night and didnít leave until the evening of the day Girlfriend spent in bed. Boyfriend spent some time with them and ate meals with them.
The following day was the day Girlfriend had planned to leave. However, she was still in a great deal of pain and Boyfriend asked his parents if it would be possible for her to stay for one more night to give her more recovery time before the long drive home. This request was refused, even though Girlfriend was in so much pain she was barely able to walk as far as her car. Boyfriendís parents said that Girlfriend was antisocial (presumably for spending the previous day in bed) and made comments to the gist of if she was to stay in their house again, she would have to change her ways. Girlfriend drove home in agony and later explained to Boyfriend that she does not intend to stay at his parentsí house again because she doesnít feel welcome there anymore.
Boyfriendís parents initially seemed surprised when they asked Boyfriend when Girlfriend would next be coming to stay and he said that she was not planning to do so again. They pushed for details, and when Boyfriend explained that Girlfriend felt that she wasnít welcome, they said it was her fault for being rude. They also said that when you stay in someone elseís house you are expected to want to be with them and not hide away in another room. Boyfriend said that Girlfriend was there to visit him and that he didnít understand why they thought she ought to be spending more time with them than she already had. His parents both told him that Girlfriend is not the right woman for him, and the main reasons they have given for thinking this relate to her disability.
I have my opinions, but Iíd like to hear yours. Who was rude?