I don't get this:
On Christmas Day, Girlfriend spent the entire day in the sitting room with the family. By the time other guests were leaving, she was in considerable pain from sitting around for so long.
Why did girlfriend continue sitting in the room if she was in pain? She should have excused herself citing her health.
I wondered that as well.
Maybe Girlfriend felt it was so crucial to be there on the holiday, and that it wouldn't be understood that she needed to go lie down.
And of course, you don't always know how it's going to go. A learning experience for her, perhaps. (a painful one)
I really only bring it up to say that I hope someone encourages Girlfriend to feel that she *could* say, "I'm not feeling well, I'm going to take an hour out to rest my back." and retreat from the gathering.
I'm also hoping that if she'd used that tactic, then she might have been able to be more present w/ the rest of the family the next day. And that it might work for her in the future.
I was going to wonder if you were my sister-in-love, except for some of the details. AND, my ILs never have been unsympathetic to her pain. (They *have* felt she wasn't the best mate for their son because of her disabilities. I don't know whether they ever said anything to him; they hinted it to me. They got over it.)
I think the parents were rudest. To be so unsympathetic to her pain!
I think Boyfriend needed to run interference for her more aggressively. A learning experience for him. (I know my BIL is really proactive about looking after his lady at family gatherings--but then, he also doesn't really have to, bcs nobody thinks less of her when she needs to retreat to manage her pain.)
I do think that the Christmas visit was more of a "family visit" than a "boyfriend visit." And so I'd have expected her to have made some effort to interact w/ the greater family on the other days.
Were I Boyfriend, I'd have been flabbergasted if my parents said my guest couldn't stay another day.
The fact that they refused this actually argues *against* the idea that he's a son in his parents' house. I cannot fathom a parent refusing that to a child of the house. To a lodger, yes; not to a beloved son.
And yeah, as Girlfriend, I wouldn't ever visit. I might not have wanted my Boyfriend to say, "she didn't feel welcome." He can say, "I felt you made her unwelcome," but I wouldn't want him to put critical words in my mouth.
I'm also sort of amazed at this:
Then Boyfriend’s parents decided they were going to host a big family Christmas and made it clear they expected him to be there for it, even though they knew he had made other plans. Boyfriend explained that he was already committed to spending Christmas with Girlfriend at her home. Mother stepped up the pressure and finally, when she realised Boyfriend was not going to cave in, she invited Girlfriend to join the family Christmas.
She doesn't say this immediately?
I don't like these parents.