Author Topic: I know someone who would be great for you!  (Read 4535 times)

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diesel_darlin

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I know someone who would be great for you!
« on: April 25, 2014, 01:40:41 AM »
I am recently divorced.  Earlier, I was at a ladies supper held by the ladies ministry of my church. The hostess was asking me if my divorce was final, and I told her yes it was. She immediately started in on how she had the most wonderful guy for me and she wanted me to meet him. What is an ehell approved way of telling people that I'm not in the market to be "hooked up"?

PastryGoddess

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2014, 03:16:05 AM »
This happens to me all of the time.  Apparently being 30ish with no long term boyfriend is a sin...or something. ::)

I just say "Thank you, but I'm not interested" and keep repeating over and over and over again. 

Here's the thing, they're not doing you a favor.  And if you try to explain things, then that just gives them the idea that they have a right to poke into your private life.  And they don't.  So don't JADE, just say no thanks.  If someone gets miffed, it's on them. Them being mad doesn't make you wrong. 

greencat

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2014, 05:36:18 AM »
"I'm not on the market, right now, but thanks for thinking of me."  This method, of course, presumes that you're dealing with someone reasonable.

"Tell me all about him...Oh he's a smoker/cat hater/alien abductee?  No thanks, I don't date guys like that."  When dealing with the type of unreasonable person that starts this kind of conversation in the first place, this is the way that I usually shut down individual conversations of this nature, after which I avoid the busybody like the plague. 

Stricken_Halo

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2014, 06:01:06 AM »
These are good responses, along with "I'm not ready to date again" if you're recently divorced/getting over a difficult breakup.

But I'm going to dissent a bit from previous posters. Unless the person making the "offer" is really intrusive as a habit, or tries to fix you up with really undesirable types, I personally wouldn't shut her (it's generally a "her) down for good. The time may come when you actually want someone in your life, and friends and relatives generally have a good idea of who you are. I'm at the age when no one even bothers any more, and that can be painful too.

TurtleDove

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2014, 07:27:09 AM »
I would be gracious. Smile and say, "Oh, how sweet of you to think of me but I'm not interested in being set up." Don't get angry or sad. Show you are happy without being set up. Just smile and move the conversation in another direction.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2014, 08:33:38 AM »
I'm retired from the dating Scene, but thanks for thinking of me.


z_squared82

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2014, 09:48:09 AM »
“I’m sorry, I’m not ready to date again. Should I become ready, I will let you know.”

Perhaps throw in there something about grieving for the loss of your marriage, because, really, you probably are grieving, and if you were a widow, would she be thrusting this upon you? Some people.

TurtleDove

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2014, 09:58:18 AM »
“I’m sorry, I’m not ready to date again. Should I become ready, I will let you know.”

Perhaps throw in there something about grieving for the loss of your marriage, because, really, you probably are grieving, and if you were a widow, would she be thrusting this upon you? Some people.

I would actually advise against giving any of this additional information, because who knows - at some point the OP may want to date again.  That doesn't mean she wants to be set up.

catwhiskers

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2014, 01:18:02 PM »
Perhaps throw in there something about grieving for the loss of your marriage, because, really, you probably are grieving, and if you were a widow, would she be thrusting this upon you?

I am a widow. Sadly, some people really are that clueless.

bah12

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2014, 01:21:25 PM »
I would just say "thank you for thinking of me, but I am not interested in being set up."

I've always disliked the set up and never agreed to it.  Just say the above as many times as you have to.

veronaz

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2014, 01:26:14 PM »
OP, I feel your pain.  At least she was upfront about what she was doing.

I used to get into situations where someone would pointedly bring their nephew, friend, etc. up to me, introduce us, then walk away to “give us time to get acquainted”.  Ugh.  I hated that.  Everyone would be watching us waiting to see the blossoming of love.   ::)

DavidH

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2014, 01:38:50 PM »
If you think she means well and is a generally reasonable person, then I think you say something along the lines of thank you for thinking of me, but I'm just not ready to date yet.  I'm sure he's a great guy, but I just need some time.  If you feel like it and would be interested in the future, you can add, I'll let you know when I'm ready.

If she is not reasonable, then a more blunt, thank you for thinking of me, but I'm just not interested in being set up should politely shut it down.


sweetonsno

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #12 on: April 25, 2014, 01:55:32 PM »
I'll be watching this thread with interest, because I run into the same problem.

MrTango

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #13 on: April 25, 2014, 02:08:47 PM »
I am recently divorced.  Earlier, I was at a ladies supper held by the ladies ministry of my church. The hostess was asking me if my divorce was final, and I told her yes it was. She immediately started in on how she had the most wonderful guy for me and she wanted me to meet him. What is an ehell approved way of telling people that I'm not in the market to be "hooked up"?

I think you'd be just fine to say exactly the bolded.

veronaz

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Re: I know someone who would be great for you!
« Reply #14 on: April 25, 2014, 02:50:35 PM »
Even if you say "Oh, no thanks, I recently met someone" (whether that's true or not), people immediately want to know details and ask when they're going to meet the mysterious person.  So that doesn't solve the problem, especially if no such person exists.

If someone has expressed interest in meeting a particular person (male or female), okay, that might be fine.  Even better if both have expressed interest.  But to try to force two people to be a couple just because they're unattached is.....ugh.