Author Topic: Not sure what I should have done  (Read 9596 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Amara

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2575
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #30 on: April 25, 2014, 01:29:04 PM »
I'm not a parent but I am surprised at the number of posters who felt if the pool danger was removed (with a locked gate or anything else) that it would be okay to leave a child alone in a house. What if an electrical fire broke out? It does happen, and without an adult there ... well, *shudder* Or anything else. And haven't kids gotten into places and through doors and gates that no one thought they could? Five hundred yards away is plenty of space and time for a child to get into serious trouble.

If I were the homeowner they'd never be invited again. And if I were one of the group I'd have been out of there the first day because I feel that wineries and breweries are adult pleasures. You don't go to them to see children. You go to sample and enjoy adult beverages in an adult atmosphere.

YMMV of course.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30545
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #31 on: April 25, 2014, 01:33:58 PM »
And if I were one of the group I'd have been out of there the first day because I feel that wineries and breweries are adult pleasures. You don't go to them to see children. You go to sample and enjoy adult beverages in an adult atmosphere.

YMMV of course.

Yes, but I don't go to restaurants or the park or the mall or anywhere else to see children. The children who happen to be there aren't there as the main entertainment--they just happen to be there.

Amara

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2575
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #32 on: April 25, 2014, 01:45:10 PM »
Yes, but wineries and breweries are specific places for specific things involving alcohol. Malls and restaurants have wider ranges of interests so generally speaking it's not unusual to see children at them.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30545
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #33 on: April 25, 2014, 01:52:45 PM »
As a customer, I would totally not be surprised in the least to see any number of adults go to tour the winery with their children in tow. Visiting a winery is the sort of thing people do on a vacation, and I assume most people vacation with their kids. So for the 1.5 to 2 hours they're going to be at the winery, are they going to get a sitter? I wouldn't expect them too.

I would expect the parents to keep their children from becoming a bother, of course. And the kids will probably be bored.

Heck, if I ran a winery, I'd be saving some of the grape juice so that I could give it to the kids who were there with their parents. "Here's what it tastes like before it becomes wine. Have some in a wine glass."

And the term "no place for children" usually indicates the person thinks the -child- is being harmed by being there. Wineries are generally pretty genteel places. People aren't getting into fights or using bad language or getting drunk and knocking people over. Nobody's showing porno movies. Kids just see grownups drinking wine (which lots of people do at their very own dinner tables).

mj

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 571
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #34 on: April 25, 2014, 01:59:31 PM »
Distancing yourself from them may be the best option.  It's always touchy when you get into correcting the parents territory so I understand your actions completely, OP.  My BIL and SIL have done similar on vacations and just in general they are the type of parents you described, the are the only ones with really little ones right now and expect everyone else to babysit for them while they are there and without them explicitly asking. They are on their phone or ipad and the children are running around, and if it's pointed out they seem to think it's no big deal and the rest of us are overreacting or that we are supposed to be helping them, so what's our problem. I have asked them to take their child or see to their child and they usually get really huffy about it all.  On vacation at a lakehouse they did similar, and the toddler was running toward the lake when I found her.  And this was not the only time it happened, but it was final act that I couldn't ignore it any longer so I have deliberately made myself unavailable to "babysit" for them as it's the only action I feel that I can take at this point. 

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #35 on: April 25, 2014, 02:12:56 PM »
The person who had standing to protest most I believe is the host.  If John was uncomfortable with the idea of a child being left in his house without supervision, he should have (and would have had the strongest position to) said something.  "ParentofChild,  I'm not comfortable with a child being left alone in the house when there is no supervision.  If you think she can handle sleeping out here where you can watch her, that is fine, but otherwise one of you needs to stay with her."

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11003
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #36 on: April 25, 2014, 02:39:28 PM »
Putting my .02 in as saying I don't really see the big deal about taking a kid to a vineyard/winery. I remember going to one as a teen or preteen and I vaguely remember sitting out at a picnic table under a pavilion having a Diet Coke and chatting with my folks. I had no interest in wine at that point and honestly was kinda bored but there was no harm in being there and my brother and I were well behaved.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Yvaine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8852
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #37 on: April 25, 2014, 02:47:33 PM »
I just checked the menu for a popular winery I used to live near. There's a kids' menu.

lady_disdain

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5844
    • Contemporary Jewelry
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #38 on: April 25, 2014, 03:06:10 PM »
Putting my .02 in as saying I don't really see the big deal about taking a kid to a vineyard/winery. I remember going to one as a teen or preteen and I vaguely remember sitting out at a picnic table under a pavilion having a Diet Coke and chatting with my folks. I had no interest in wine at that point and honestly was kinda bored but there was no harm in being there and my brother and I were well behaved.

I remember going to wineries and breweries as a kid, around 9 or 10. I loved seeing the process, the huge brewing vats, the cellars, etc. Then, after the visit, we would all sit out, my parents would enjoy a glass of wine, my sister and I would have grape juice or something else to drink. Many had outdoor play spaces for kids, too. I see nothing improper in that.

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28436
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #39 on: April 25, 2014, 03:08:19 PM »
The person who had standing to protest most I believe is the host.  If John was uncomfortable with the idea of a child being left in his house without supervision, he should have (and would have had the strongest position to) said something.  "ParentofChild,  I'm not comfortable with a child being left alone in the house when there is no supervision.  If you think she can handle sleeping out here where you can watch her, that is fine, but otherwise one of you needs to stay with her."

To be honest, I think anyone seeing a child in legitimate danger has standing, as a human being, to protest. And an unattended, accessible pool is a legitimate danger. Even children watched reasonably closely can be at serious risk around a pool.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3103
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #40 on: April 25, 2014, 03:21:02 PM »
I'm also wondering how the child would have felt if she woke during the night (nightmare or needing something) in an unfamiliar place and couldn't find her parents.  Would they have heard her crying while out at the bonfire?

OP, while I commend you for doing what the parents should have done I think it falls to the host to say "I'm not comfortable with you leaving Jane alone in MY house.  One of you needs to stay with her.".

esposita

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 513
  • If you have the power to make someone happy, do it
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #41 on: April 25, 2014, 03:43:50 PM »
Another thought, nowadays there are crystal clear and very small moniters that one of the parents could have been carrying in a pocket. There are also a ton of apps for the same purpose, they could have known within seconds if she woke up.

doodlemor

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2192
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #42 on: April 25, 2014, 03:55:18 PM »
IMHO the hosts should have discussed the lack of supervision with the parents early in the week.  It doesn't seem fair to the other guests to do a kiddie oriented activity every morning, or to feel that they needed to watch the little girl.  It's understandable that the guests didn't want to complain, but they could have declined the morning outings. 

I wonder if this was a family group, and the host didn't want to step on toes.  It seems that people sometimes pull stuff on their families, and families put up with more from each other than they would from acquaintances.

 

bah12

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5161
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #43 on: April 25, 2014, 04:04:41 PM »
I'm not a parent but I am surprised at the number of posters who felt if the pool danger was removed (with a locked gate or anything else) that it would be okay to leave a child alone in a house. What if an electrical fire broke out? It does happen, and without an adult there ... well, *shudder* Or anything else. And haven't kids gotten into places and through doors and gates that no one thought they could? Five hundred yards away is plenty of space and time for a child to get into serious trouble.

If I were the homeowner they'd never be invited again. And if I were one of the group I'd have been out of there the first day because I feel that wineries and breweries are adult pleasures. You don't go to them to see children. You go to sample and enjoy adult beverages in an adult atmosphere.

YMMV of course.

I think it's fair to say that anything could happen at any time.  Being withing 500 yards of a child at all times is pretty much impossible (I know, I've tried!). I agree generally it is not wise to leave a toddler at home alone, but I will not judge a parent for leaving a child in a house and going outside.  There are several homes that I've been to that I am comfortable leaving my child asleep in while I go outside in the yard.  And this is because I know that I can ensure that she is about as safe as she would be if I were just in a different room of the house.  I also think that level of comfort a parent may have will vary by parent, by house, and by child.  If my child were a sleepwalker for instance, I would worry a lot more than if I had a 9 month old that sleeps soundly and can't get out of a pack and play. 

In this case, the house was not safeguarded enough for the child to be left unattended, so I don't blame the OP for being upset finding a child asleep alone in a room with the pool door open.  She is well within her rights to say something to the parents about this.  I do not think, however, it would be ok to tell a parent that because something could happen, they should be closer to their children if there isn't a specific safety issue to point out (I hope that makes sense).

TabathasGran

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 54
Re: Not sure what I should have done
« Reply #44 on: April 25, 2014, 06:25:24 PM »
That's the length of four and one half football fields. More than a quarter of a mile.  :o