Author Topic: Bad Mother's Day and my bonehead mistake  (Read 4726 times)

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chibichan

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Re: Bad Mother's Day and my bonehead mistake
« Reply #30 on: May 13, 2014, 09:41:09 PM »
You have my sympathies . You and MIL have both learned something here . I no longer vent / rant / fight / criticize / complain via e-mail . No good has ever come of it . In fact , it has often turned a simple disagreement into World War III .

I experienced your situation with my Aunt Edna , who relentlessly criticizes other family members .

I discovered very quickly that if I made even the slightest agreeable noises or acknowledged the criticism as valid , Edna would waste no time in running to said family member , spewing out all her " helpful " ( unwanted , unwarranted and often hurtful ) advice and finish by saying " And Chibi agrees with me ! "  >:(

Needless to say , Edna and I only discuss the weather now . Any negative comments about family members are ignored , bean dipped or, failing all else , met with : "I'm not going to discuss that ."

 
The key to avoiding trouble is to learn to recognize it from a distance.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Bad Mother's Day and my bonehead mistake
« Reply #31 on: May 13, 2014, 11:51:44 PM »
Glad you MIL apologised. Sounds like it was an honest, but misguided mistake on her part.

I definitely don't think you need to apologise to your FIL again. Heck, I don't even think you owed him an apology in the first place.

ladyknight1

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Re: Bad Mother's Day and my bonehead mistake
« Reply #32 on: May 14, 2014, 09:04:54 AM »
OP, as several other posters suggested, take this as a life lesson. Even in friendships, sometimes people include their SO or another friend in "private" messages.  :(

JenJay

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Re: Bad Mother's Day and my bonehead mistake
« Reply #33 on: May 14, 2014, 11:20:44 AM »
OP, as several other posters suggested, take this as a life lesson. Even in friendships, sometimes people include their SO or another friend in "private" messages.  :(

So true. I have a personal rule that I never tell anybody anything that I wouldn't want them to tell their closest confidant (spouse, SO, BFF, etc). I know a lot of people gladly keep a friend's confidence and don't share, but a lot of people also have a "no secrets" rule, or maybe my secret stressed them out and they need to vent, or I asked for advice so they ran it by their someone, etc. I always assume they'll share with that one person and proceed from there. With my best friend it's cool, I know her husband's opinion of me and DH won't change, but she's the only person in my life who knows everything.

Cali.in.UK

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Re: Bad Mother's Day and my bonehead mistake
« Reply #34 on: May 14, 2014, 11:32:20 AM »
Yikes, your MIL... I agree with PPs that say that you didn't and don't owe anyone an apology. A PP mentioned that this was something that you said in confidence to her and she (without your permission) used it in her own argument. It reminds me of that scene in Mean Girls when Regina George calls Cady on the phone but Gretchen is listening in (unknown to Cady). Also her "apology" sounds just as manipulative as the email. When someone does something shady but reacts with blubbering hysterical tears its a manipulation, if she is acting more distraught than you, I'm sure it's not easy to express your own feelings of hurt. Some people do this as a way of diverting attention away from their own bad behaviors.
Take the others' advice and be careful what you share with her in the future because she seems manipulative and dramatic.