General Etiquette > Family and Children

Including the stepkids' names but NOT the bio-kids' names in obituary?

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snappylt:
Earlier this week I received a friendly e-mail from someone i worked with years ago. He mentioned that he heard that "Wilma", a woman we both used to work with (and whom we both liked), had lost her husband to cancer last month.

I sent Wilma a letter to say that I was sorry to have heard the news of her loss.

This morning I got to thinking about Wilma and Fred again. I decided to look up Fred's obituary on their city's newspaper's website. It was a nice obituary, telling of Fred's accomplishments in his profession and in their community.

But one thing struck me as very odd: Wilma's adult sons and daughter from her first marriage (who were grown and out on their own before Fred and Wilma married) and their spouses were each mentioned by name as surviving Fred. BUT, Fred's own bio children by his first marriage were listed at the very end WITHOUT giving their names at all: "He was also survived by a son and a daughter."

I have no problem with listing Wilma's grown children by name as survivors; I just thought it odd to do that first and then not even give the names of Fred's own bio children.

When I read it it seemed to me like a sort of public slap in the face for the bio kids.

How does that come across to other people?

(And yes, I know that it is none of my business.  Wilma may have had a reason for excluding the bio kids names. I will certainly never ask her about it!  I'm just interested in what others here think.)

Katana_Geldar:
I'm wondering if Wilma has some sort of agenda by excluding them.

purple:
Yeh, it seems odd.

But, you never know what's going on behind closed doors.  It could be something sinister or unsavoury within the family.  It could just be that those particular adults were not comfortable having their names published in the newspaper for some reason.   ???

katycoo:
She may have also been assuming/known the bio-children would prepare their own obit.

cicero:
it's odd for a normal healthy family to do something like that. It's not odd if the family was in some way dysfunctional, estranged, etc., and the bio children didn't have a relationship with their father. And like Katycoo said, it's possible that the bio-children prepared their own obit.

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